


Shower Scenes

by Predec2



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Children, Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:06:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 75,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3575502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Predec2/pseuds/Predec2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian's and Justin's lives as seen through 'showers.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

DISCLAIMER:  QAF and its characters are the sole property of Showtime and Cowlip Productions; no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

_A/N:  "Showers" were always such a crucial part of Brian and Justin's lives - they must have been the cleanest men in Pittsburgh - LOL!  I thought it might be interesting to see critical events in their lives as seen from a  "shower" perspective and mainly Justin's POV.  This story attempts to do that, using not only different phases in their lives, but also different 'types' of showers. This will be part gapfiller, part post Ep. 513.....Hope you enjoy it.  
_

 

* * *

 

Story Notes:

DISCLAIMER:  QAF and its characters are the sole property of Showtime and Cowlip Productions; no copyright infringement is intended.

This is a complete story. I will upload chapters as quickly as I can. 

* * *

_Justin – Age 16 – 7:00 a.m. – Parents’ Home_

  
The closest bathroom nearest to Justin’s room was small but adequate for his needs. It had your standard white porcelain sink, a typical oval-shaped toilet with a white, wooden cabinet overhead and a combination bathtub/shower with a cheesy-looking, floral vinyl curtain you pulled around the rim of the tub to enclose it. As he stood there in the tub and the water streamed over his soapy body, Justin decided what HE needed at the moment was a quick jack off before leaving for school. As he pumped his cock back and forth with his hand and he felt the familiar tightening in his balls, he cried out briefly as he came all over the shower wall, his body sagging with the effort as his pulse continued to race erratically.

 

As he slumped against the wall, however, and braced his hand against the cold tile surface, once more he wished he for the courage to just go ahead and get laid; this taking care of his own needs was adequate enough, he supposed, but he knew it couldn’t compare at all to the real thing of actually being fucked by someone. He didn’t want adequate any more – his raging hormones wanted some explosive, mind-blowing, man on man sex. He was old enough now – it was time to find out the pleasures of being fucked and sucked. Now all he had to do was figure out how to make that happen.

  
  
“Justin! Daphne’s here! Hurry up!”

  
  
“I’m coming!” He shouted back through the door in response to his mother’s call, snorting a little at the double meaning. Using the portable shower head to quickly spray the come off the wall, he vowed silently that before long, he would figure out how to make his most fervent wish come true.

 

* * *

  
_  
Justin – Age 17; Brian’s Loft the Morning After_

  
  
Justin stared in awe at the monstrous size of Brian Kinney’s bathroom; it had to be larger than the total square footage of his bedroom at home. He was used to his closet of a bathroom that was located closest to his bedroom that he used in the mornings to get ready for school. This bathroom looked like it belonged in a king’s palace – all expensive Italian marble and glass with touches of bright, shiny chrome fixtures interspersed throughout. He almost felt like he should wash the shower out before he even used it…

  
Speaking of which, the glassed-in shower stall was the largest and most luxurious one he had ever seen. It was easily big enough to fit four people in it; why would anyone need a shower so large? he wondered. As he stood there under the multi-jet shower head, relishing in the invigorating stream raining down on top of him, he ran the bar of luxurious, masculine-smelling soap over his body, his thoughts in a dazed whirl over finally experiencing his first fuck. He might have almost thought he had simply dreamed it up as a mind-blowing fantasy, except for the soreness in his ass that was physical evidence of what had happened last night, over and over and over again. At first, he had been both excited and terrified at the thought of coming home with someone like Brian Kinney, and during that initial moment when his dream had come true and Brian’s dick had slowly slid inside him, he momentarily thought that perhaps he had made a horrible mistake; the pain had been excruciating. But Brian’s soft-spoken words of encouragement had soothed his misgivings, and once the first ring of muscle had been breached and his lover had hit that one glorious spot, he knew this was what he had been missing. It had been indescribable, mind-altering, unforgettable. And when he had found out the joys of being rimmed…..fuck, he had never known such pleasure existed! He smiled to himself; he could somehow still feel Brian’s dick inside him, even now. He knew at that moment that he would never be able to get enough of Brian’s touch. It was like some sickness, some indescribable craving and he never wanted a cure from it.

  
His heart skipped a beat now as he heard the shower door being opened; a few seconds later, his adrenalin level shot up as he felt Brian’s cock brush against his ass before he turned around to face his lover, who silently took the bar of soap from him and began to sensually glide it over his shoulders and chest. Lover...just that one word alone made his cock begin to harden again; that and the sexy-as-hell man staring down at him, his dark hair plastered to his head and rivulets of water running down his taut chest and his breastbone and on down to the mass of curly pubic hair leading to his magnificent cock. He had never thought anyone looked sexier as Brian’s smoldering eyes practically bored into him.

  
  
Some light bantering back and forth and one hand smack on his ass a short time later, Justin found himself turned around and impatiently pushed up against the slick glass of the shower wall with Brian’s cock firmly embedded once more in his ass; as they rocked in perfect time with each other and Brian thrust his dick deep inside him over and over again, his heart soared in time with their movements and he thought he was in heaven.

 

* * *

  
  
_King of Babylon Contest – Debbie’s House – 1:00 a.m._

  
  
Justin stood inside Debbie’s corner shower stall in the upstairs bathroom next to Michael’s room, the hot water pouring over him from above as he lathered his body slowly and reminisced about all the amazing things that had happened tonight; he was the new King of Babylon! Not only that, he had actually stolen a trick right from under his lover’s cocky nose. In fact, his ‘admirer,’ Sean, had left about two hours ago after he had fucked the guy three times – once in the backroom of Babylon and twice on Michael’s twin bed. Eventually, the handsome brunet with the winning smile had actually begun to get almost needy, wanting to know when they could see each other again, and needful of Debbie’s admonition about bringing tricks home after midnight, he had finally told him it was time to leave.

  
  
He smiled as he remembered telling the man he could see him ‘in his dreams’ instead; he never thought he would ever have an occasion to utter the same phrase that a certain other man had used on him not so long ago, but it had felt damn good. It had also felt good to knock Mr. High-and-Mighty down a peg or two; Brian was definitely beginning to take for granted that he would always be there at his beck and call whenever he wanted him in his bed, ready and waiting for him to fuck him, and he was quickly growing tired of it. He was good-looking, intelligent, passionate, had a damned impressive-looking cock if he did say so himself, and he wasn’t bad in the fucking and sucking department, either. It was time that Brian realized that he wasn’t the only one who could snag another man; he was tired of being thought of as a convenient backup plan. And tonight, he had finally found a way to make sure Brian knew that.

  
  
It had felt so exhilarating being the one to fuck someone else; it had felt powerful and invigorating. Now he knew why Brian always needed that edge, that domination, and for Brian he would always be willing if necessary to comply if it meant he could be with him. Just for a moment, though, he finally knew what it felt like to be in control of someone else and he had never felt so free. He smiled as he placed the bar of soap back onto the porcelain dish built into the wall and allowed the water to wash off the suds on his chest; he couldn’t wait to see Brian tomorrow at the diner to tell him all about his experience tonight. And most of all, he couldn’t wait to see his reaction…He knew that from now on, things would be different.


	2. Transitions

_Ep 206 – Evening_

  
  
Justin ignored the pelting of the rain shower that had drenched his clothes long ago under the constant onslaught of water pouring out of the angry sky above; the rain running down his face, beginning with his soaked hair and traveling in rivulets down his cheeks, blended in with the tears that were coursing down his face. They were tears of pain, of disappointment, and of self-loathing over thinking that Brian had actually cared for him.

  
  
He wasn’t actually sure how long he had been walking; a half-hour, an hour, two…..at first it had just been aimless walking as he shuffled away from the loft; he hadn’t been sure where he was going or when he would even get there. After he had seen Brian fucking the man they had encountered at the small grocery near the loft, though, and he had found out the real reason why Brian had let him continue to stay with him, he knew he had to leave. He couldn’t be someone’s guilt trip, and he was getting tired of the constant revolving door that existed at Brian’s loft as trick after trick mindlessly came and went.

  
  
As the rain poured down upon him in waves, however, and the thunder and lightning intensified overhead, he knew he needed to find dry shelter somewhere. The thought of going back to his mother made him cringe; he just couldn’t go back there with his proverbial tail between his legs and admit once more that he had screwed up, that Brian didn’t want him, that he had merely been sheltering him to assuage his guilty conscience.

  
  
He somehow found himself in front of Debbie’s house; he could hear his shoes squishing underneath him as he trudged up the wooden steps and wearily knocked on the door, praying that his surrogate mother would hear his rapping and his silent cries for help, for understanding. A few seconds later, he bit his lip a little self-consciously as he saw the outside light flip on and the curtains part to reveal the redhead staring back at him. She was stunned briefly to see him standing there, but she soon smiled at him tenderly and opened the door.

  
  
He swallowed his pride as he asked her whether she had rented out Michael’s old room; as she ushered him inside a few moments later, startled by his appearance and concerned about him catching cold, he sighed in relief, knowing that at least for the moment he had a sanctuary to cling to.

 

* * *

 

_Episode 219 – After ‘That’ Scene….._   
  
Justin leaned his head back under Brian’s shower to allow the stingingly-hot water to stream down upon his head, not caring whether it burned his scalp or not. It would serve him right if it did; Brian had been right – he did need a shower. He did stink. He stunk with the smell of betrayal, of lies and deceit. He stunk with the words that came so easily from his lips now when he was really with Ethan – he was studying with Daphne, he was staying late at PIFA to finish a project, he was having lunch with his mother, he was running off more posters for the comic book; whatever made the most plausible excuse at the time. How had it all come to this horrible, horrible point in their lives? Had he been kidding himself all this time that Brian really did care? And if he did, why was Brian not enough? Just what did he want that Brian wasn’t giving him?   
  
He had tried to tell Brian earlier when they had been in the shower together; his heart had been crying out to tell him, to explain that with just one word, one little heartfelt gesture he would be happy, and he could stop living the lie that had consumed him so deeply as of late. But as he had looked in those golden-green eyes boring into his, his courage had withered into nothingness and he had communicated with Brian the way they typically did; with his lips and his body. Their passion as usual quickly reached a crescendo of sensations as Brian twirled him around possessively and soon was thrusting into him forcefully, their bodies dancing in sync with each other through the multitude of countless fucks before. Now, though, it all seemed like a distant memory….  
  
  
He sighed heavily; he wasn’t quite sure what he would call this need, this craving – romance? He shook his head, flinging droplets of water all around the glass stall. No, he wouldn’t quite call it romance – he would call it more like proof; proof that Brian really did love him, that he cared about only him, that he wanted only him, not all those faceless tricks who made a constant progression in and out of the loft. He just wanted occasional nights alone with his boyfriend, just the two of them. He wanted special times with Brian. He wanted to know HE was special to Brian – just having the ‘honor’ of being Brian’s only exception to his one-fuck-per-trick policy wasn’t enough.   
  
  
Physical attraction certainly wasn’t a problem, nor had it ever been; Brian could take him to euphoric heights of pleasure that were unparalleled with any other man. From the moment he had seen the one and only Brian Kinney, there really hadn’t been anyone else for him. Was it because Brian had been the one to take his virginity? Was that why there was this unique bond between them? Was that all it was?  
  
  
As he felt the water slowly growing cold and reached to turn the knob counterclockwise to turn it off, he realized he knew the answer. No, that wasn’t all. He really did love Brian; there was so much more, at least for him, than just a strong sexual attraction between them. But he wanted more. He wanted so much more. The only question was, was he willing to settle for what he had now? Was he willing to wait in hopes that Brian would change?  
  
  
As he opened the glass door and stepped outside, he could almost feel the weight of the silence that greeted him; it was almost as oppressive as the realization that once more he was alone and Brian no doubt was doing what he wanted and cared about the most: clubbing at Babylon. It seemed that Brian had just made up his mind FOR him. 

* * *

  
  
_Episode 306 – Ethan’s Apartment_   
  
Justin stood there in the white, metal bathtub, his pale skin covered in cold goose bumps as he silently wished for more hot water while an unimpressive trickle escaped from the metal shower head above; he was surrounded by a rather dingy, off-colored white vinyl curtain that was set up on a track overhead so the bathtub could be used as a shower cubicle, also. Although, he wondered why he bothered to try and use it that way; he always wound up with lukewarm water at best, no matter what time of day it was or whether Ethan was home or not. Normally, they showered or bathed together in hopes of conserving what little warm water there was.   
  
Today, his boyfriend was away; gone to Harrisburg to start fulfilling his dream of becoming a classical concert star. Well, it was a beginning, anyway, he kept trying to tell himself. He supposed he really was happy for Ethan, truly; it had been his lifelong dream from the day he was practically born. It was inbred in him, handed down from his courageous grandfather who had been held in a Nazi concentration camp. To help encourage him, despite his agent’s demand that they not be seen together in public, he was getting ready to go see his concert in person. He would slip in the back just before the performance began and perhaps find a way to hook up with Ethan afterward, out of the watchful eyes of his agent.   
  
But as he finally turned the water off in disgust and stood there, shivering in the cold air permeating the bathroom, he couldn’t prevent the little taunting voice that kept speaking in his head over and over again. _Did you finally get what you wished for, Taylor? Is this better? Is this what – or who – you really wanted? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy?_ _  
_  
He put his hands over his ears as the mantra continued, somehow thinking he could just wish it away, to make it stop, but he knew it was futile. He also knew in his heart that as long as he stayed with Ethan, the answer to all those questions would continue to be a resounding NO. But as the sarcastic saying goes, he made his bed and now he had to lie it in. Lie, he thought with a snort, as he carefully stepped out of the tub and reached for the thin, white, threadbare cotton towel to dry himself off quickly so he could put some warm clothes on and stop shivering so violently. That word certainly fit. Because he had been lying to himself when he became convinced that this was best for him. He had been lying to Ethan whenever they made love and he made the fake sounds of pleasure that Ethan wanted to hear. He had been lying to his mother the other day when he told her he was ‘with Ethan now.’ Perhaps that was accurate in the physical sense of the word, but it simply pointed out the biggest lie of all: his heart wasn’t with this young, passionate, dark-haired musician; it was still back in a Tremont loft with a cocky, emotionally-stunted, gloriously-handsome man who appeared to be so impenetrable to vulnerability, but at the same time in actuality was more like some fragile bird with a broken wing that needed some extra TLC.  
  
  
He sighed as he quickly reached for his briefs, dress pants and shirt, slipping them on to savor the relative warmth of the clothing. As he stood there, he reserved one more nostalgic moment for Brian and the memories he had left behind before he grabbed his shoes and socks. He had just enough time to finish getting dressed so he could take Daphne’s car and drive over to Harrisburg to see the man whose future was now intertwined with his, whether he truly wanted it to be or not. _You made your bed, Taylor...now go LIE in it._


	3. Sweet Reunion

  
  
  
---  
  
_Episode 308_

  
  
“Brian,” Justin gasped out as his lover grabbed his arms and spun him impatiently against the shower glass; ever since they had started making love a few hours ago in Brian’s office, clothes flying everywhere, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other; all the innuendos, meaningful looks and ‘unintentionally’ intentional touches here and there that had passed between them while they had been apart had finally culminated in an explosion of passion earlier tonight, and they hadn’t so much as missed a beat since then. How they had managed to proceed from Brian’s office to his ‘Vette with a modicum of clothes on, he had no idea; he vaguely recalled at least wearing his jeans and nothing else but a dazed smile on his face as Brian had pulled him out of his office and down the hall to the elevator, managing to plunge his tongue into his open, willing mouth the moment the doors had shut behind them and the car had begun to descend to the parking level a few floors down. They had continued to kiss, tongue-fucking each other deeply as they walked almost sideways toward the car afterward, oblivious and frankly not caring if anyone remained in the darkened underground lot as they groped and bit and sucked and kissed some more until they had reached Brian’s ‘Vette.

  
  
He had laughed softly as Brian almost wouldn’t let him go of him long enough to walk around to the other side of the low-slung sports car to open the passenger door and enter; a few kisses later inside for good measure, Brian reluctantly turned his attention to starting the car, cursing silently that he had a stick shift and couldn’t use his right hand to do what he really wanted to do. He smiled, however, as he felt Justin’s hand coming to lie on his denim-clad thigh and then reach to unbutton his dress pants to snake his warm fingers inside and curve firmly around his dick. As he tried furiously to concentrate on his driving in the inky blackness of the moonless sky and pulled out of the parking garage, Justin already had his head in his lap and his lips on his cock. He groaned as waves of pure pleasure hit his body; fuck, how he had missed this – how he had missed _him_ …..

  
  
When Justin had gone to Brian’s office earlier to ask for another chance, he had been fully prepared to be the one who had to initiate all the moves, the one who would have to give in first, the one who would have to take what little Brian was willing to give him, because he had realized that even one incremental bit of what Brian would provide him would be worth all the token gestures of love Ethan had handed out to him......

  
As Brian’s slick, soapy, long-fingered hands slowly slid all over his shoulders now and down his arms from behind, he could feel his lover’s erection rubbing against his ass cheeks and his adrenalin shot up in exquisite anticipation. This was what had been missing for the past several months, this was what he had been craving and longing for; not so much the steamy, relentless, hungry sex, even though he had found it as heart stopping as usual, maybe even more so after being apart for way too long; no, it was more Brian’s tender touch with his hands, his lips, and his almost shy smile of relief and joy that had been so evident on his face earlier as they had finally come together for their first reunion kiss (well, second, if you factored in the lip lock he had planted on Brian earlier after being fired).

  
  
Just like the sudsy water slowly running down his chest and between his back and Brian’s torso, he found all the pain and emptiness he had been feeling washing out of his soul as Brian nuzzled his neck and then gave him a nip on his earlobe; he shivered at the wonderful sensation of Brian beginning to rock softly back and forth, flush against his heated bod, as he grasped his shoulders and began to kiss his neck, his cheek, his scalp.

  
“I’m going to fuck you all night long until you see stars behind your eyes,” Brian growled the familiar mantra from behind as Justin sighed in delicious contentment. This was where he belonged, where he had _always_ belonged - here in this man’s arms. For the first time in a long time, he felt clean again……

  
As Brian reached over with one hand to retrieve a condom package and rip it open, he was surprised a few seconds later to feel just the faintest touch of Brian’s cock at his hole; as it remained there, hard and throbbing, he could sense the tantalizing, promising whisper of what was to come and his heart sped up at the thought. He would have expected Brian to push in impatiently, just like he had before; they had both been so overcome with emotion over being together again, their lovemaking so far had been intense, explosive, and unbridled; now, however, he felt his lover’s unexpected gentle touch as he placed one large hand on his shoulder to steady him and his lips soon followed suit as they nuzzled his neck like it held some prized nectar.

  
“Brian,” Justin breathed out again like a prayer. He didn’t really know what else to say; “I love you” would have seemed almost too pat at the moment, too expected; after all, it had been he who had come shuffling back into his office to make amends. Such a contrite sentiment would have been normal coming from him where Brian was concerned. Somehow, though, he sensed that it wasn’t what Brian either wanted or needed to hear at the moment. They always could say so much more with their bodies than with words, anyway.

  
  
He reached back to place a slender hand on one muscled, toned thigh in silent signal for Brian to proceed; seconds later he felt Brian’s other hand slide around his belly to rest, fingers splayed wide across his wet skin, before he pressed in harder until their bodies were finally one. He pulled Justin back against his larger body to plunge inside impossibly farther.

  
  
A small kind of grunt was all heard come from the perfect lips as Brian pulled out halfway and then pushed back in; their bodies rocking together in perfect synchrony as Justin pushed back against him as Brian thrust back in. He knew it would not be long before his body surrendered once more to the waves of pleasure about to overtake him as he almost blindly reached down with his other hand to begin fisting his cock in time with Brian’s moans and grunts and slaps; the fingers of his other hand were pressing painfully into Brian’s sinewy leg muscle as his ass clenched around Brian’s cock and he knew he was gone, lost once more in a tangle of blissful release and euphoric emotions, his heart beating furiously like some captured bird fighting to break free and fly.

  
As he sagged afterward like pliant rubber in Brian’s powerful arms, he knew he wouldn’t let him fall; he would be there to catch him every time, just like he always had……

 

* * *

 

_Brian’s POV_

  
  
As I took the slightly used, aqua-colored oval bar of expensive soap and began to slowly glide it over Justin’s shoulders, I couldn’t help letting my fingertips follow along; I had to touch him with the pads of my fingers and not just the soap to make sure he really was here – with me, taking one of our insanely-long showers together – that ritual we had always indulged in for the purpose of, well, showering, but more importantly to fuck and make love over and over again and even talk about our hopes and worries together. I was never quite sure why this monstrous, almost obscenely-huge shower seemed like a good place to discuss our, can I actually say it, _relationship_ , but somehow it seemed to fit. Maybe it was the steady, never-ending stream of the hot water constantly providing the calming background for our talks, or the way Justin always looked so trustingly into my eyes, saying so much to me without saying a word. Even now, the slow, deliberate motion of my fingers across his skin as he stared up at me silently was so familiar and reassuring, it made my heart lurch at the sight.

 

  
For the longest time, I wasn’t sure I would ever have this pleasure again. I was afraid he would settle for drug-store bubble baths and cheap champagne kisses in the fiddler’s rickety, ancient tub, deceived by false promises of candlelight and chocolates as the cocky violinist serenaded him with sweet, romantic tunes of 'true' love. But here he was – here WE were – back almost where it had all started that first fateful night and he was back in my arms, feeling so perfect, so warm, so fucking beautiful. As I flipped him around, I was going to once more take him fast and rough, wanting to feel his body surrendering once more to my impatient desires. Even now I couldn’t quite believe this wasn’t all some much-hoped for dream of mine. But as he planted his palms against the cold glass in preparation just like he always did and spread his slim hips wider, waiting unconditionally for whatever I wanted to give him, I found myself wanting to slow down, to savor this moment, to reassure myself that he wasn’t going to disappear again, to reassure _him_ that I knew this was much more than just a convenient arrangement, a wildly-physical pull. I didn’t know if I could ever tell him that aloud, but I could at least _show_ him…..

  
  
I glided one hand to rest on top of his shoulder, cupping the curve of his firm but soft, heated skin underneath.  While I stepped closer to his familiar frame, I could feel my cock lightly bumping against his ass; it began to instantly throb with anticipation and desire as my pulse began to race at the power he held over me. I hurriedly reached over to the small, built-in shelf to snag a condom and roughly rip it at the top, spitting the small strip of paper away to float down to the floor and combine with the draining water like some small sailboat in a whirlpool.

  
  
A few seconds later, I slid my free arm around his slim waist to rest it against his pale, flat belly, feeling his body rippling at my touch as I spread my fingers wide across the flesh. I closed my eyes briefly, inhaling the combination of my milled soap and his unique scent, reassuring myself of his presence once more, before I pressed in slightly between his cheeks to tease his hole, the soap and our previous rounds of lovemaking providing more than enough preparation. I thought I heard just the slightest whisper of a sigh or was it an expression of surprise at my almost hesitant action before I felt Justin place his smaller hand against the upper part of my thigh in a sign of readiness and acceptance for whatever I wanted to ask of him. A few seconds more and I pushed in deeper, deeper, until we were joined emotionally and physically as one once more and my body hummed with the simple perfection of it.   
  
  
As we began our familiar, sweet dance of passion once again in perfect rhythm, I held him tighter against me, not willing to ever let him go again.

 


	4. It Could Happen to Anyone

Season 4 - Late Afternoon – After Brian's Cancer Diagnosis

 

Justin smiled as he heard Brian returning to the loft, recalling his reunion with his partner earlier in the day. Even though he would never come out and call him on it, he couldn't believe Brian had actually told him that he had missed him while he was gone; he had never confessed to such outright lesbionic thoughts before, and he must have been surrounded by thousands of hot, horny guys in Ibiza, so what exactly had gotten into him this time? Was it because of their somewhat odd, contentious discussion before he had left? They had actually parted on rather stressful terms at Kinnetik, just before he had taken off for his vacation alone, and Justin had worried about the real reason why he had seemed so upset. He couldn't understand why Brian had been so angry that day, but he had been relieved to find out that it apparently had nothing to do with him – it was evidently due to something else. That still didn't prevent him from worrying about him, though, but he had to admit, he had liked seeing the unexpectedly sentimental side of Brian he saw earlier today, and the three 'homecoming' kisses he had received earlier hadn't been bad, either…

 

He studied Brian carefully as his partner undressed, noticing with some alarm how tired and drawn he looked. As he watched his lover disrobe and prepare for his shower, he was astonished to see the almost dowdy-looking, mid-thigh, gray knit boxers Brian had on. Where in the fuck did he get those? They looked like something Michael might have picked up to wear from the Big Q, not the typical stylish, sleek black Armani briefs he normally saw his partner wear. He watched in amusement as Brian scratched his ass on one cheek before he wandered off to the bathroom.

 

"Don't jack off in there," Justin warned him good-naturedly with a soft laugh. "I have other plans!" He was about to make good on his 'plans' by joining Brian in the shower when he heard the phone ringing. He tried to call out to Brian to see if he wanted him to answer his phone – even now, after all this time, he still felt somewhat awkward being so presumptuous as to answer Brian's phone in the loft without his express permission – but when he didn't receive a directive one way or the other, he decided to go ahead and answer it.

 

Just before he had the chance, however, the message system kicked in and he stood there in stunned silence as he inadvertently overheard the real reason why Brian had gone away; it wasn't for some sex-filled, sunny, tropical romp on the beach with other hot and horny men. Far from it; it was for surgery…..a medical procedure. But what kind of surgery? Quickly glancing over at the bathroom to make sure Brian was still inside, he quickly replayed the message to jot down the phone number of the hospital as he picked up the receiver to make a call.

 

A few minutes later, he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes as he hung up the phone just in time to hear Brian emerging from the shower. Brian had cancer; testicular cancer. God, what was he going to do? What could he say? And what would happen to Brian? How bad was it? Would he…would he….he couldn't even finish the thought; just the idea broke his heart in two. Brian was strong, virile, and always larger than life; how could he have cancer? One thought kept reverberating through his mind: Brian….why didn't you tell me? Why? Why?

 

 

Standing under the shower's hot stream, Brian scrubbed his body as quickly as he could, hoping that he wouldn't be hearing the shower door opening behind him, signifying that Justin was joining him. Normally he would have welcomed his partner inside – after having been apart from him for several days, he had missed him terribly; in fact, he had missed him even more than he would have ever imagined. But he realized that if Justin were to join him right now and initiate the tell-tale teasing, tantalizing, caresses that normally made him crazy with desire for him, the whole charade he had so carefully constructed would evaporate in an instant because Justin would know. He would know in the way Brian avoided his seeking hands. He would know in his stiff posture and in his pulling back from his touch. Worst of all, Justin would know simply by staring at his dick, seeing it limp and flaccid instead of full and erect, because when he was with his lover it always stood proudly at aroused attention for him. Hell, all Justin had to do was merely look at him in that suggestive, coquettish way of his, no matter where they were and who they were with, and his cock would harden almost instantly. How, then, was he going to explain to Justin why they couldn't have sex? Just the thought of his young lover reaching to fondle him and him discovering that hard, plastic monstrosity that now replaced one of his balls instead made him sick and disgusted; it made him feel like a shell of a man. How could he keep someone like Justin, who could practically come from simply rutting against a fucking tree, satisfied and happy with him in his 'condition'? How long would it be before he went in search of a real man? Would he lose him to someone else, just like he almost had before?

 

Looking over his shoulder self-consciously to make sure Justin wasn't there, he quickly turned the shower head off and, opening the glass door, reached for an oversized bath sheet, making sure his entire body was completely covered from the waist down to his knees; even though he was wrapped in the towel, never had he felt so bare and exposed in his entire life and he fucking hated it. What he hated the most, though, was what he felt was inevitable – losing the man who had come to mean more to him than anyone ever had, and who had become more important to him than even he had realized. He stopped in front of the mirror to observe his reflection – to anyone who would have seen him at that moment, he would have looked the same – same toned, muscular, and tanned body to die for (he had to snort at that thought), the same tall, angular frame…..everything was exactly as it was before, except for the haunted look in his eyes and the weariness evident in his slightly stooped shoulders. Internally, though, he felt weak, achy, defeated…..and defective, damaged. Maybe I should have used that damn scarf, he thought silently. Then I wouldn't have had to worry about this – or what it will do to Justin, and what Justin will do to me….

 

Emitting a barely audible, sorrowful sigh, he stiffly turned to exit the bathroom and squared his shoulders, hoping somehow he could forestall what was inevitable for just one more minute, one more hour…..As many moments as he could manage to spend with the man he loved until it was all gone in a heartbeat...

 

 

Episode 410 – Brian's loft after he had found Justin at Babylon….

 

Brian's POV

 

We could barely enter the loft before the two of us were going at it like two horny rabbits – we had started taking off our clothes in the elevator, the car noisily creaking under our weight as we frantically open-mouth kissed and sucked each other on the face and neck and began to unbutton each other's shirts, unable to wait until we had reached the privacy of the loft to start making up for lost time. I planned on showing Justin that my 'insufficiency' earlier when I had tried to fuck him and couldn't was long gone and that the old but new-and-improved Brian Kinney was back. In fact, I had a lot of making up to do – in more ways than one….

 

Since I had gotten back from my surgery, my energy had slowly been sapped from all the treatments I had had to endure; that, along with the fact that I couldn't make love to my partner like I normally did had made me frustrated and horny as hell. The only problem had been that someone had forgotten to tell my dick that. I was beginning to wonder if I would remain flatter than a pre-teen's chest forever when a seeming miracle had occurred; I still don't know how it happened. It certainly couldn't have been because of my mother's visit – if anything, it would have made my condition worse – but who was I to look a gift horse in the mouth? Besides, at the moment, I wanted something else in my mouth….

 

I impatiently pulled Justin's light-blue, long-sleeved tee shirt over his head to remove it, hoping his arms would follow accordingly but frankly not really caring at the moment; I was more concerned with getting to that delicious, pale skin I knew was hiding underneath. Justin's hair flew into all sorts of mussed-up directions as the shirt went flying halfway across the hardwood floor as I removed my suctioning lips from his mouth to hurriedly drag my own, sleeveless wifebeater over my own head, barely waiting to take a breath before I latched onto his lips once more and plunged my tongue aggressively into his mouth.

 

I heard my partner gasp at the possessiveness and roughness of my actions but I also knew it was turning him on, just like it always did when I played it that way. I think we both knew this was not going to be a leisurely, gentle lovemaking session this time – no, this was going to be a wild rollercoaster ride and Justin knew he'd better make sure his restraint bar was firmly out of place and unlatched, ready to take a dive along with me…..

 

I reluctantly removed my lips from my lover's, noticing Justin wearing a shade of lipstick that said thoroughly tongue-fucked and ravaged before I whispered raggedly in his ear, "I'm going to fuck you so many times, you won't get out of bed for a week," while I reached for Justin's snap on his jeans and wrenched it apart, pulling the zipper down in one swift stroke as I grabbed onto his fly and began to tug him urgently toward the bathroom; I wanted to start making up for lost time in the shower, taking a few minutes to wash off the smell of cigarettes, sex, and booze from both our bodies that had permeated Babylon earlier so I could uncover the intoxicating scent that only my lover had; it was like some unbelievable pheromone that only he possessed and it made me crazy with desire. Of course, the fact that I hadn't had a good taste of it in so long only made the craving even stronger. I fleetingly considered just throwing him down on the floor and fucking him right there where we stood, but I decided the floor pillows were too far away and if I did it without anything underneath, both of us would definitely be sore for a week but not for the right reasons….

 

I continued to kiss those swollen lips, over and over again, as my tongue pushed in and swabbed all over the inside of his mouth; now that I was 'fully functional' again, I couldn't get enough of this man who had stood by me even as I had tried to throw him out….I must have been out of my mind to even consider doing that; what would I have done without Justin? How would I have endured what I had had to go through these past few weeks if I hadn't known he would be here waiting for me? How could I have risked throwing that all away? As we reached the bathroom, we stopped kissing long enough so I could reach down and yank Justin's pants and briefs out of the way, noticing with satisfaction that my little dynamo was primed and pumped for action just as I had hoped.

 

I already knew I was raring to go again; Justin had given me a short blowjob at the club, just to tide me over, but I wanted my cock in his ass like, uh…right now. "Get them off," I found myself demanding as I hurriedly tugged on my own pants and, stepping out of my shoes, I pulled my socks and the rest of my clothing off before you could say Anybody wanna have a ball? I know I was certainly going to have one – a couple, actually….

 

I heard Justin laugh softly at my obvious impatience, but he should have known as well as I why I felt the way I did; I had a good notion he hadn't been fucking a lot of guys, if any, since I had been gone and subsequently returned back home with a…shall we say….temporary malfunction; now that I was back in business, I couldn't wait to show him that I was feeling downright 'spunky' now...

 

"Age before beauty," I heard him say impertinently as I soundly smacked him on one of his perky little ass cheeks for his impudence, watching in fascination how the pale skin became temporarily red. He jumped slightly at my action, but as I reached in and turned the knob to turn on the water, I heard a distinctive giggle come out of those glorious lips and I couldn't help smiling a little myself as I prayed the hot water would kick in soon; I had to have those saucy, perfectly rounded cheeks – and my cock ramming in between them – immediately….

 

I kept one hand firmly grasped around his upper arm to make sure he didn't escape – not that he wanted to, I'm sure, but I wasn't taking any chances at the moment – as I held the shower door propped open with part of my body and tested the water with my other hand, noting to my relief that it was now just the right fucking temperature. Thanking the maintenance superintendent for keeping the building in tip-top shape when it came to the water heaters, I growled, "Come on," as I tugged him roughly inside with me; the heavy, glass door shut behind us as he stumbled slightly and laughed softly as he fell into my arms, a warm, oh-so-delicious captive now being held firmly against my wet, slick body. Our cocks rubbed against each other roughly as I groaned in ecstasy, silently communicating that they were yearning for some attention and I was more than happy to oblige them. Not worrying about having points deducted for lack of style, I ground our bodies together and rotated my hips slightly to give them what they wanted as Justin gasped in response and my body, primed and suffering from severe withdrawal, threatened to come right there from his guttural sound of desire. As he looked at me, his eyes so open and trusting, his breath coming out in rapid pants, my heart threatened to burst from my chest at his beauty. To hell with washing off sex, stink, and smoke…..there was no time for that nonsense….

 

I leaned down to bestow a short but passionate kiss on his lips; the water was flowing down between our heads in small rivulets as I roughly spun him around and shoved his body up against the cold, wet wall of the shower more aggressively than I had intended, but I couldn't help it – I wanted him much too badly. He placed his hands, palms down, to either side of his head and braced himself in silence, no doubt realizing he was about to be fucked to within an inch of his life, but I knew he was more than capable of holding his own against my unfettered passion. Holding firmly onto his slick shoulder in part reassurance and support, I turned just enough to grab a wet condom package, cursing savagely as I encountered trouble ripping it open initially. I finally succeeded in biting into it enough to tear a small corner of the wet paper away and spit it out with my teeth to retrieve the condom with my free hand. My hand was actually shaking slightly in eagerness as I threw the wrapper on the floor and quickly used both hands to pull the condom over my throbbing dick. I spooned up against my lover and lined us up as I took Justin's hands in mine, our fingers linking together against the glass as I took a deep breath of anticipation and pushed inside halfway, knowing I should have prepared my lover better but also knowing there was no way I could wait any longer. I prayed Justin would understand my impatience as I heard a slight hiss of discomfort at my intrusion. "Justin?" I whispered in concern, worried now that in my haste to satisfy my insatiable desire for this man I was overlooking his own needs.

 

I began to slowly withdraw so as not to do any more damage when he unexpectedly pushed back against me to impale my cock further into his impeccably-tight ass and I saw him shake his head. "More," he whispered as he twisted his head back on my shoulder and the water fell upon his pale, shiny-slick skin and into his eyes as he gazed into mine. "Don't stop," he added as our lips came together for a quick kiss. I arched into him from behind as, encouraged and my body temperature hot from the steamy water and my desire, I rammed back in even harder, grunting from the exertion as Justin tightened his hold on my fingers and moaned at the sensation. It had just been a few days of deprivation for both of us in physical measurements, but it seemed like an eternity as I regained my momentum and began to thrust in and out like a well-oiled piston machine; I knew I was hitting that one spot that drove Justin mad when he cried out loudly and locked my fingers in a death grip as I angled my body and mercilessly hit it time and time again.

 

I was the one moaning now in exquisite pleasure as I moved in and out of my lover's body faster and faster, feeling every groove, every shift of Justin's hips, every slight nuance of movement on his part; whether it was the heat from the shower or just the sensation of being joined again as one with this incredible man, I wasn't sure, but I couldn't recall another time when we fit together so perfectly or when I felt so blissfully complete.

 

In no time I could feel my entire body tightening with imminent release; biting down harder than I should have on the pale, wet flesh of Justin's collarbone to try and maintain some degree of sanity, I released my hold on one of his hands to reach down and almost violently grasp his cock to begin jerking it roughly in time with my thrusts, both of us grunting loudly in unison as I moved closer and closer to an unparalleled height of pleasure. Justin's cock was pulsating violently, slick with both pre-cum and the shower's stream, as I moved my hand up and down the hard shaft, flicking the end with my thumb repeatedly until I could feel him tensing against my own body, and just as I cried out loudly with a final, feral shout, I heard Justin do the same, watching soon afterward as his orgasm overwhelmed him and he sagged, limp and exhausted, in my arms.

 

The stream of water, now starting to turn lukewarm, was the only sound that could be heard inside the glass walls except for our mutual, rapid pants of breath that both of us were making as we tried to come down from one of the most explosive, mind-blowing, toe-curling fucks we had ever had. If I had had any residual doubt that I was back in top working order, it had now been thankfully shattered as our hands dropped down from the shower wall and wound up wrapped around Justin's stomach, his hands placed over mine as I felt his body still trembling against me and his pulse still racing from our exertion.

 

I took one deep, calming breath before exhaling it with an audible "ah," and I turned Justin around in my arms and nudged our foreheads together briefly. I reached down to wipe some soaked hair from his forehead as he stared up at me, his eyes wide and expressive. They always did tell me so much, and the ones presently staring back at me were full of love and tenderness; I suspected if I could see myself in a mirror at the moment, my own eyes would be broadcasting the same exact thing, but I was too proud or afraid to find out. For now, though, it really didn't matter because I was content; happy to finally be able to once more express my feelings for this wonderful man, and reassured that he would never be leaving my side again.

 

"Let's move this into the bedroom," I whispered suggestively with a slight smile and a waggle of my brows. "I'm just getting warmed up." I really didn't have to ask my partner to answer aloud, though; I could see it in his eyes.

 

Justin twisted his mouth into an amused smile as he reached over and turned off the shower head. He reached up to place his hand on the curve of my jaw and just before we kissed once more, he whispered, "Welcome home."


	5. Smoke and Epiphany

_Episode 510 – Outside Babylon - Brian's POV_

 

I pulled back slightly from our embrace, wondering if the world was going to come to an end because I had finally told Justin that I loved him, not just once but several times; in fact, I found that I couldn't keep from whispering it in his ear over and over again as we just stood there kissing and hugging each other tightly as if we couldn't let go. As I finally pulled back just enough to gaze at his bruised, cut, sooty face, his blue eyes shining inordinately large and luminous through the smoky darkness, I thought it was the most beautiful sight in the world, because he was here with me and he was _alive_. Slightly damaged, but oh so warm and alive.

 

I kept hold of him by his upper arms, almost afraid to let go for fear I would find this was all some horrible illusion and he really _had_ been seriously hurt – or worse – in the bombing. As I drunk in the sight of him, I wondered for the umpteenth time how I could have let him walk out of my loft several days ago with just a flippant statement of "let me know." Let me know _what?_ That he was happy living somewhere else, away from all our drama? That he had been contently residing with Mikey and the Professor in their white-picket fenced, happy little home that he had always dreamed of before he found a place of his own? That, unlike me, he had moved on with his life, while mine had stood still from the second he had told me he had been "doing some thinking?"

 

As I looked at his face, though, all those concerns were promptly pushed aside for more immediate matters. Justin looked exhausted, his face covered in ash and soot, his normally sparkling eyes listless and weary, his face etched with worry lines. I had stayed at the hospital near Michael's side until both Debbie and Ben had practically thrown me out, realizing I felt some odd sense of guilt over what had happened to my best friend but understanding I was still preoccupied with needing to know how my own partner was doing. And that was how I still thought of Justin – as my partner – even though we weren't together at the moment. As I stared into his eyes, though, my determination to rectify that situation quickly bubbled to the surface.

 

"You look fucking exhausted," I observed softly as my thumbs gently rubbed back and forth across the leather of the borrowed paramedic's jacket. "Let's get out of here – you need some rest," I told him gently, leaving no room for argument. Now that the enormity of what had happened was beginning to sink in, I knew Justin was starting to feel the aftereffects. I held onto his upper arms firmly when I felt him sway slightly under my touch, and I reached to place my arm around his neck in support but also comfort to hold him close against my own body. I knew Justin well enough to know he was beginning to feel the initial pangs of guilt over him being a survivor while so many others had not. I also knew that while I felt regret over what had happened, too, I would never stop counting my lucky stars that the man I loved so deeply had somehow managed to once more escape fate and survive yet another unspeakable horror, a testimony not only to his resilience but also his courage.

 

He gazed up at me uncertainly, the beginning signs of shock emerging; his eyes, normally sparkling with vitality and passion, were cloudy, his face strained and worn. My heart flared with so emotion for this man, so much love, as I placed a small kiss on his forehead and cupped his face in my hands, much like a father would do to a child, but I knew Justin was no little boy; he was a man, a wonderful man, who had seen way too much heartache and sadness in such a short span of life. "Come with me," I urged softly as I gazed into his troubled eyes.

 

"Michael…."

 

"They'll call me if there's any change and Deb and Ben are with him," I pointed out firmly, not willing to take any argument from him. "There's someone else I need to care of first." I pulled back to lightly clasp his wrist. "Come on," I repeated.

 

He looked at me for a few seconds before taking a deep breath; I noticed with alarm that he coughed as he tried to exhale. Apparently his lungs had been at least somewhat affected by inhaling so much smoke earlier.

 

"Justin," I began, but he must have instantly realized where I was going with my line of questioning, because he gave me that _don't coddle me_ look before he said, "I'm fine. The paramedics checked me out. They said I just need to take it easy for a while, that's all. I'm _fine_ , Brian," he repeated in an effort to make sure I understood. I eyed him skeptically, not quite believing his adamant statement completely, but finally nodded, knowing he wasn't going to back down.

 

"Okay," I told him softly. "But I'm still not letting you go home alone." I heard him sigh softly – such a stubborn but also resigned sound. To my relief, he nodded silently in agreement as I wrapped my arm around his slight waist and proceeded to lead him over to the 'Vette, not caring in the least if he soiled the interior or not. Truth was, we _both_ resembled chimney sweeps by now due to shuffling through the carnage of what used to be my club, but even if we didn't that was the least of my concerns. I was much more concerned with my partner's welfare at the moment to worry about a material thing.

 

I held the door open for him as he slowly and stiffly sat down in the passenger seat, his shoulders slumped and curved, making him look even smaller than he was. I watched as he leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes, totally exhausted, before I softly closed the door and walked around the car to get into the driver's seat. As I entered, there was no discernible sound inside the car except for the soft, somewhat ragged breathing I heard next to me; Justin hadn't even opened his eyes when I had opened and closed the door. Before I turned on the ignition, I couldn't help reaching over to clasp his smaller, pale hand in mind, needing the additional reassurance of its warmth and familiar feel before I started the car; I knew he wasn't yet asleep when he curled his fingers around mine in response. I squeezed his hand in reaction before I reluctantly broke apart from him and started the car up to leave.

 

Several minutes later, I slowed the car down in front of the loft and parked at the curb; as I turned off the ignition, just like some child being brought home from the drive-in theater, I watched as my partner's eyes slowly fluttered open and he tried to get his bearings. I noticed him frown as he realized we were in front of the loft.

 

"Brian…..I thought you were taking me home," I heard him say to my disappointment as he turned his head to look at me. To my way of thinking, this _was_ Justin's 'home;' it would _always_ be his home as far as I was concerned. Why couldn't he feel the same way?

 

"Justin….I just want to take care of you, to make sure you're all right; that's all," I told him softly. "Is that too much to ask?" I waited a little anxiously for his response, but it really didn't matter; no matter how hard he protested, I wasn't about to let him go back to whatever shitty hellhole he was presently calling 'home' and leave him there alone. I knew him too well, and despite his bravado on the outside, I knew he needed to be with someone – me, and I most definitely needed to be with him. To hold him, to tell him what he meant to me, to prove to him that I could be the kind of person he needed me to be. At that moment I would have done anything just to make sure he never left my side again…

 

"Don't argue with me, Sunshine," I scolded him firmly. "You're staying with me tonight; if you still want to go home tomorrow, I'll see to it that you get your wish." Silently, though, I prayed that he wouldn't choose to do that, but for now I would take it hour by hour and cherish what amount of time I could get with him.

 

He stared into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity before he finally nodded and whispered, "Okay." I think he was simply too exhausted to fight me at that moment as I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the driver's side door to emerge into the chilly, moonless night air, noticing how much colder it had gotten since I had first found him inside the wreckage. Walking around to the passenger side, I opened the heavy door and held my hand out to him. He stared up at me, his eyes shining back like two beacons surrounded by a sea of black, as he accepted my hand and allowed me to slowly pull him out of the car and into my arms. I couldn't help simply holding him again for several seconds, reassuring myself once more that he was here and he was okay, as I felt his arms wound themselves around my back in response. We rocked together gently as time momentarily stood still and the rest of the world around us simply disappeared. I could hear a soft sigh escape his lips before I pulled back enough to gaze into his tired and haggard face. I smiled at him tenderly. "You're so beautiful," I murmured sincerely.

 

Justin smiled slightly back at me in embarrassed disbelief. "I'm filthy and smell like a cigar," he protested, trying all of a sudden to dislodge himself from me as if he were something distasteful.

 

I merely held on even tighter as I shook my head. "No," I disagreed. "I think you've never looked better."

 

Justin grinned in amusement, despite the seriousness of their situation and the fact that he was dead on his feet. "I wish I had known that before – I could have saved a lot on laundry detergent and soap." I watched as he struggled to keep his eyes open now; he was so tired – so very tired – it was obvious by the look on his face and his stooped posture; I knew he was about to drop where he stood if we didn't move soon.

 

"Come on," I gently pressed him as I kept one arm around his waist and led him over to the building's front door. Once I entered the entry code, I half-walked, half-carried him over to the elevator, deciding he was much too tired to take the stairs; he immediately leaned against me as we entered the car and it slowly rose toward the fourth floor. I closed my eyes briefly as I felt the car jerk slightly under our feet, trying to recall how many times we had been in this car, how many times we had been in my loft, how many times I took for granted the fact that he would always be around. Tonight I found out just how wrong I could have been, how he could have been taken away from me in a heartbeat. I vowed never, ever to let that happen again…..

 

As the car stopped, I kept my arm wrapped around him as we slowly trod toward my front door; he was noticeably quiet, so uncharacteristic of what he normally would be like, although I recalled vividly how retrospective he had become just before he had told me he was leaving me for parts unknown. I remembered how I had felt like someone had punched me in the gut that night, except that his decision had hurt much more than a physical attack would have ever felt…

 

I struggled to support my partner while opening the loft's door, but finally managed to succeed in unlocking it and swinging it open enough for both of us to enter. As we walked in together, it was almost as if everything was back to normal again – I could almost imagine we were returning from a long night of clubbing at Babylon or visiting the baths or playing pool and drinking beers at Woody's. Almost…except for the fatigue starkly written on his ash-covered face and the smoke reeking from his now-gray, dusty hair. He sagged in my arms just inside the room, almost unable to move any further of his own accord, and I briefly considered simply scooping him up and carrying over to the bed so he could get some rest.

 

But I knew with his allergies, he would be unable to sleep comfortably breathing in so much smoke, so I slowly turned him toward the bathroom as I murmured in explanation, "I'm going to clean you up so you can get some sleep."

 

He was really too exhausted to argue with me even if he had wanted to, so he simply allowed me to steer him over toward the bathroom and gently lower him to sit on the toilet. He stared into my eyes, so much written behind those pale blue orbs, as I began to slowly unbutton his smudged, soiled white dress shirt, gingerly pushing it away from his chest as he weakly dropped his arms to his side to allow the fabric to drop to the floor beside him. I noticed how the V shape of his shirt's collar had been imprinted onto his skin, clearly showing the demarcation between where the smoke and ash had covered him at the time of impact and where his body had been more protected.

 

I sucked in a breath at the thought of how close I had come to losing him as visions of the dead patrons I had seen inside the club came unbidden to my mind; I bit my lip and forced myself to concentrate on my task instead as I reached with shaking fingers to unbutton the fly of his dark gray linen pants, slowly pulling the zipper down as I felt Justin's fingers curling around my shoulder blades for support. I began to stand up, still drinking in the sight of him here – alive – as I placed my hands on his slim waist and gently pulled him up with me. He instinctively knew what I needed as he placed his hands on my biceps while I reached to pull his pants and briefs down his legs and, toeing off his shoes and socks, he managed to step out of the rest of his clothing.

 

My eyes quickly made a survey of his entire unclothed body, making sure he was, indeed, mainly uninjured, at least on the outside. The difference between his smoke-covered face, neck and hands and the rest of his body, though, was both striking and sobering. My heart dropped at his look of almost embarrassment as I peered into his eyes in astonishment; how could he think I thought any less of him after everything that had happened? If anything, I was even more in awe of his courage, compassion and conviction. I took his hand and led him over to the shower, placing his hand on the towel rack to help him brace himself as I hurriedly stripped myself of my own smoky clothes, quickly discarding them on the floor and not caring in the least that they were outrageously expensive designer clothes that I had purchased especially for Australia; right now, the thought of worrying about that sort of issue was both abhorrent and ridiculous in light of the treasure I had almost lost forever tonight.

 

Reaching inside the shower to turn the hot water on, I waited impatiently for it to warm up, stealing glances over at Justin to make sure he was still standing up and awake; the need for sleep was obvious on his face and I cursed the time it was taking to make the water the right temperature for him. At last, however, after one more cursory swipe under the stream, I noticed the water was hot enough for his pale, easily-burned skin and I gently took his wrist to pull him over to the door with me.

 

As we entered the spacious enclosure, I lightly held his body in front of me with one hand around his waist just like I had done so many times before and let the soothing stream initially just wash over both of us, helping to partly remove the grime and stink of the horrible episode he had endured; if only it was that easy to remove the memory of frantically searching for him in the rubble, terrified out of my mind, not knowing if I would ever hear his voice or see his face again. I heard him sigh wearily as I reached to grab the half-empty bottle of his fruity-type, department-store shampoo that he had always favored for some odd reason. I really don't know why I hadn't thrown the shit out when Justin had left; perhaps it was because I didn't want to admit to myself that at times I actually opened the top simply because I could smell the fragrance that instantly reminded me so much of the scent he always left on his pillow and the sheets, even after he had been long gone. At the moment, then, I was actually grateful that I hadn't succumbed to the thought of discarding it, because I quickly took advantage of its presence as I tipped it over and squeezed a generous dollop out in the palm of my other hand before returning it to the nearby shelf.

Rubbing it between my hands, I reached to slowly begin lathering it into his hair, leisurely sliding my hands around his scalp in small circles, feeling the normally silky strands of hair slick and soapy between my fingers as small rivulets of dirt and grime slowly ran down his body and toward the drain below. I probably spent far too much time than necessary washing his hair, but just the ability to touch him, to feel him firmly beneath me, was too important for me to pass up and it gave me further proof that he really was here with me, safe.

 

Gently tilting his head back, I waited for the water to thoroughly rinse the horrendous ash and grit from his hair before reaching for the expensive, milled bar of French soap we had used so many times before on each other's bodies. Holding it under the water briefly to generate some lather before gliding it slowly over his shoulders and back, I watched his skin revert from the dull gray, listless tinge back to his normal alabaster, light-pink hue. I continued my trek down his back, lightly washing the smooth, shiny skin and watching the tiny bubbles slowly run down his spine and escape into the crack between his curved ass. Normally that would have encouraged me – and my dick – to initiate a round of fucking between us, but oddly tonight that was the farthest thing from my mind. Instead I once more found myself thinking how close I had come to losing him, how blurred the line often was between life and death…..one yard, one decision, one minute later or one minute sooner…..

 

I gently turned Justin toward me now, noticing his eyes once more silently following my every move, even though other than the sigh, he really hadn't uttered any other word since we had entered the loft. He lifted his eyes to stare into mine as I licked my lips in concentration, slowly moving the bar of soap down his chest, circling one nipple and then the other as if I were on a sudsy race track as I kept my other hand lightly resting on his hip bone. Still grasping the round-shaped bar in my hand, I placed my hand around his cheek briefly before squatting to trace the soap down between his breastbone and onto his stomach, slowly circling his belly button right above his triangle of golden-colored pubic hair. As he stood there under the steady stream, my hands slowly slid down his thighs, pushing the dirty water down his legs as it disappeared onto the marble floor below. At last, I gently cupped his cock, finding to my satisfaction that it was at half-staff even though my intention was not to take advantage of him tonight. I heard a soft groan just then come from his lips as I held it in the palm of my hand, re-familiarizing myself with the weight and silkiness of it, and yes, thanking God that he was here with me right now, that we were _both_ here as I began to gently glide the soap over his shaft. The water washed him clean as I took his balls briefly to hold them in my hands before I turned him around slowly and glided the soap now over the mounds of his ass, marveling as always at the softness and roundness there, so perfect and so _Justin_ … I thought of the last time I had seen him before tonight – of the inane, stupid, worthless conservation I had insisted on engaging with him, telling him I was going 'down under' when he asked if I was coming to the benefit at my club. I had scoffed at the idea, ending our brief talk with a glib, typical Brian Kinney remark of 'take care of yourself.' Five years with this incredible, unique, man – five years of our lives so closely intertwined together, five years of pain and heartache but also so much joy and fulfillment – five years of being with such a unique, beautiful man and the best I could come up with was 'take care of yourself?' What an utter, fucking, stupid fool I had been! As I slowly stood now to once more stand behind him, I was grateful for the water's constant presence overhead because it served to hide the tears that were streaming down my face at the realization of what I had almost lost. I wiped the water from my eyes as I replaced the bar of soap back on the nearby shelf and rinsed my hands of the residue before finally turning the knob to shut it off, the slow drip-drip-drip of the shower head the only sound presently heard.

 

I took a brief moment to study Justin, finding him freshly scrubbed and almost glowing now under the shower light with his pale, pink skin before I turned him to face me, placing my hands on his upper arms as he slowly raised his gaze again to meet mine. His eyes registered a look that told me he suspected I had been crying, but he discretely chose not to call me on it as I pulled him into my arms and just held him closely against me, relishing in his damp, warm skin and his softness. I was the one who let out a sigh this time before releasing him just enough to push the door open and lead us out into the bathroom, grabbing one of my deep-red, Egyptian bath sheets to begin lightly rubbing his hair to dry it; I then gently dried off the rest of his body before doing the same to mine.

 

At last, we were both thoroughly clean and devoid of any outside evidence of what had happened several hours earlier, even though I knew it would be much longer than that before the _memory_ of what had occurred was wiped away, if it ever was. As I dropped the damp towel down onto the cold, hard floor, I noticed Justin sagging on his feet and just barely managed to catch him before he fell; making an abrupt decision, I scooped him up into my arms by grasping him under his legs as his upper body collapsed against my chest and one arm wound itself around my neck for balance. "I got you, Sunshine," I whispered as he closed his eyes, totally spent.

 

Silently I carried him over to the bedroom and laid him gingerly down on top of the dark-blue duvet, crawling in beside him as he turned slightly on his side to face me. His eyelids fluttered while he struggled to keep his eyes open to meet mine as he whispered, "I still love you, too, you know."

 

As Justin quickly drifted off to sleep, his left hand under his cheek on the pillow and his right one flat on my chest, I stared at his face for the longest time, memorizing every angle and curve before I slid my own arm around his waist to bring him in even closer against me. Laying my cheek against the top of his head, I answered back softly, "So do I; God, so do I. Always."

 


	6. Goodbye Isn't Forever

 

_Caution:  Tissue Warning - Contains a reference to  the last episode of the show when they said goodbye; but in MY universe it is NOT final!:)_

_Episode 512 – Morning After the Proposal – Justin’s POV_

 

 

* * *

 

“Umph!”  The wind was knocked out of me as I felt the coldness of the stainless steel refrigerator behind my back as Brian proceeded to assault my mouth with his lips and tongue; since I had accepted his marriage proposal last night, he had been like a voracious tiger unleashed.  It was as if he were making up for lost time while we had been apart.  We always had been insatiable toward each other when it came to our sexual appetites, but Brian was unstoppable this time.  So far we had christened every room on the first level of this monstrously-large mansion that I was still trying to comprehend as belonging to me and Brian – the dining room table, the hardwood floor of the library, the cream-colored felt surface of the pool table, even the top of the dryer (Brian had turned it on to ‘heat things up,’ in his words, as if we needed to be any hotter than we already were….).  Now he had my back slammed up against the front of the refrigerator as his hands roamed everywhere on my nude body and his lips trailed a hot, wet path from my mouth around to my ear where he took a bite of the fleshy part of my lower lobe, eliciting a moan of desire from my mouth.

 

 

“Brian,” I managed to gasp out as he continued to nip, suck, and lick my collar bone as his hands traveled over my shoulders, upper arms, and wrists to imprison my hands in his.  As we linked our fingers together, he whispered against my neck, his breath warm and raspy, “You're so fucking hot - let’s try the shower out next.” 

 

 

I shivered at the thought of a wet, slippery, and oh-so-horny Brian fucking me in the shower and found I couldn’t resist checking out what would no doubt be a frequently-visited venue for our lovemaking; after all, it had always been prominently and enjoyably used at the loft, and I imagined in a mansion such as this one the shower had to be equally impressive.

 

 

As I nodded silently in agreement and Brian gave me one more quick peck on the lips before dragging me up the steps to check out the master bathroom, I had to stifle a laugh at the absurdity of two naked men taking their first tour of their new house together.  It was decidedly unorthodox for most first-time homebuyers, but for us it was pure Brian and Justin….As we reached the second floor landing, Brian tugged me decidedly toward the right, obviously having been in the house beforehand and knowing the layout.

 

 

As we reached a doorway, Brian wrapped his arms around me from behind and put one large, muscular hand over my eyes.  “Behold our new fuck pad, Sunshine,” he murmured mysteriously as he slowly removed his fingers so I could see what he was describing.  My breath caught in my throat at my first look at our master shower – the one at the loft was certainly wonderful and had served us well, but this one; _this_ was spectacular.  It had dark brown marble walls and a matching floor; as we walked in I could feel unexpected warmth under my feet and realized the house must have a system for keeping the floors heated to a comfortable level.  The double vanity was a cream-colored granite with specks of the same brown marble as the floor and walls.  The fixtures were brass in color, their shininess setting off the rest of the room perfectly.

 

 

But the shower was what caught my eye – it was _massive_.  As Brian chuckled softly at my agape expression, he slowly pulled me toward the cubicle, which could have easily held six people in it; that is, if we were inclined to share it, and lately I was in no mood to share this particular man with anyone.  The shower at least was one spot that seemed to be off-limits to everyone but Brian and me; I actually took particular pride and pleasure in knowing I alone was the only one Brian ever shared showers with.  It was almost as if it were an unspoken rule that while he would fuck other men in his bed or at Babylon or maybe the baths, as far as I knew he never even let a trick _use_ his shower, let alone participate in doing any fucking in it.  No, as far as I knew, that particular location was exclusive to Brian and me, and I planned on keeping it that way. 

 

 

“Time for a little aquatic activity, Mr. Taylor,” Brian huskily whispered in my ear as he opened the huge, rectangular glass door and pulled me inside with him.  He had to stop momentarily to shove me against the far wall of the shower to plaster yet another hot, wet kiss on my lips before he turned around to twist the knob on the opposite wall to turn the shower on; I looked above us at the round, black, multi-shower head as it blasted a stream of water out and began to rain down upon us.  I shivered at the initial blast of cold water as Brian smirked a little at my reaction, but he gently moved me out of the stream’s trajectory until the water heated up to a more comfortable level.

 

 

Brian stuck his hand under the multi-variable spray to make sure it was at a suitable temperature for my pale skin, just like he normally did, before I saw him nod in satisfaction.  He turned to face me then, placing his hands on my biceps and slowly pulling me under the water with him, whispering, “Il think we’ll start with a little _breast_ stroke first.”  He kept a firm grasp of my upper arms as he lowered his head to take one of my nipples in his mouth and give it a tug with his teeth; I groaned in response as my body twitched in reaction to the painful/pleasurable feeling he was immediately evoking in me as he followed the bite with a lapping of his warm tongue, just like some long, lanky, sensual kitten.  He swirled the tip of it around my nipple a few times before nipping at it once more; I sighed as I felt his soft lips sucking on the pebbled nub as my cock quickly began to harden with desire once more.  It always astounded me how Brian could make me so aroused over and over again in such a short period of time, but it never ceased to invoke that feeling in me.  It was as if I had been born just to be pleasured by this incredible man, and I knew I would never stop treasuring it.  How could I have ever thought I could live without this?  I threw my head back and let the hot water pour over me as Brian held me firmly in his grasp, his thumbs sliding back and forth on my slippery, wet skin as his mouth made a leisurely trek over to my other nipple to perform the same action. 

 

 

I sighed in both pleasure as well as impatience as he continued to hold me prisoner in his skillful hands while his tongue and lips worked their magic on me.  Finally, I smiled as he rose back up and locked gazes on me, his soaked hair now plastered to his head as rivulets of water slowly meandered down the planes of his glorious body, down his sternum and onto his belly to mingle with his cock that was as hard and aroused as mine.  I placed both of my hands on either side of his face as our lips met for a searing kiss, the drops of water tickling my nose as we angled our heads to find the perfect fit for our hungry mouths.  The only sounds heard were the rushing of the shower water and our huffs of breath in between diving back in for more kissing.

 

 

I felt my knees getting weak from the emotions coursing through me as Brian’s hands left my shoulders to slide around my body to support me; our cocks rubbed against each other, clamoring for attention as one of us groaned at the contact, which one I wasn’t sure.  He had one hand resting on the small of my back, just above my ass, as the other one slid down to rest on my hip bone to lock me in place against his rock-hard body. 

 

 

I gasped against his mouth as I felt his hand travel from the small of my back to wander in between my ass cheeks to poke tentatively into my now well-prepared hole; several rounds of gentle lovemaking, combined with out-and-out-rough sex over the last several hours had made it limber and ready as he fitted two fingers inside and promptly hit the spot that made me see stars in front of my eyes.  I sagged and would have fallen had he not had his fingers literally up my ass to hold me steady and his other hand tightly holding onto my hip as I felt him chuckle softly at my predicament.

 

 

I huffed in part embarrassment, part resentment that I was so easily maneuvered as he smiled that boyish, innocent-looking smile that always made me melt and I found my expression softening in response. 

 

 

He leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Time for a full workout now,” before he promptly flipped me around in his arms and slammed me against the shower wall, my hands scrabbling for a hold somewhere on the slick surface.  I could hear the tearing of the ever-present condom package from somewhere behind me as my heart began to beat faster in anticipation before Brian slid one hand around my waist to hold me securely in place; a few seconds later, I felt the familiar push of his cock at my hole before without any further preamble, he pushed in all the way to the hilt and I hissed in response at the mixture of discomfort and euphoria.  It only took me a moment to recover, however, as I began to push back in perfect timing against his thrusts to deepen and accentuate the pleasure for both of us.  I could hear Brian’s soft grunts of exertion as he pounded into me, his other hand reaching up to link with mine against the soapy, cloudy glass as the water continued to pour down from above onto our glistening bodies as we continued to fuck to within an inch of our lives….

 

 

I could feel Brian’s body tensing up with the telltale signs of climax as my ass muscles instinctively tightened around his cock to heighten his arousal; silently as if of one accord, Brian slid his one hand around my waist and down to my own cock, firmly grasping it to begin roughly jerking it and sliding his slick hand up and down my shaft to assure that I would climax along with him.  As if we had rehearsed and synchronized it perfectly, we did just that; both of us coming at approximately the same exact time as I cried his name out in the throes of passion just as Brian did the same and I threw my head back to land on his strong shoulder as he twisted his head around to kiss my cheek.  I could feel his lips smiling against my skin as I sighed and closed my eyes, the water still sluicing down our bodies as we stood there plastered together as if we were one.

 

 

My heart continued to beat rapidly for several seconds as Brian simply held me up silently, occasionally nuzzling my neck and kissing it a few times as we both came down from yet another sensual, mind-blowing high.  Finally, he turned me in his arms to kiss me properly on the mouth for several seconds before he pulled back with a slight smile and reached for the round bar of soap lying on the small, marble shelf nearby.  He spent several minutes soaping my chest and shoulders, his eyes gazing at me as if he were seeing me for the first time after a long drought.  I blushed slightly under his intense scrutiny as he slowly slid the soapy bar over my skin; the bubbles trickling down my chest and my belly tickled me as I shivered in response.  I watched, wide-eyed, as Brian slowly slid down my body, the bar of soap still against my skin as he meticulously soaped my belly button and my legs, teasing me by pushing the bar all over my thighs and inner legs but studiously ‘missing’ my balls and cock.  I couldn’t believe my body was yet again responding to his sensual touch after just coming down from yet another pleasurable high, but it was….I sighed, knowing I could never be any other way with this man for as long as I live, no matter where I might be; Brian would always be firmly imprinted in my heart and would always have that effect on me….. 

 

 

Finally, he slowly slid the bar of soap over my balls, cradling each one lightly in his hand while he washed the other and I slowly went mad with desire once more.  “Brian….” I pleaded, not really even knowing what I was trying to say. 

 

 

I watched as his eyes lifted to peer into mine; he smirked knowingly as he grinned back at me and proceeded to finish with my balls, only to reach over and possessively wrap one talented hand around my cock afterward, which I discovered to my consternation was quickly responding once more with relish to his touch.  I groaned at the rebellion of my body as he leaned over and promptly suctioned his lips around the head of my shaft and chuckled; the vibration of his lips against my skin as he laughed caused my temperature to shoot up immediately as I reached to steady my hands against the top of his head, knowing the only choice I had was to hold on and let him do his bidding.  I was like pliable putty in his skillful hands as he alternatively sucked and nipped around my cock and drove me wild once more. 

 

 

It only took a few minutes before I came in his mouth; he swallowed greedily and remained kneeling until he had consumed every drop before he slowly slid his hands back up my wet body and rested them on my waist and smiled back at me.  My body was still heaving from his expert attention as he whispered, “We can now consider the shower properly christened.”

 

 

I couldn’t help smiling back at him as he gave me a quick peck on the lips and gently turned me around to lead me out of the shower.  I only briefly questioned how there were luxurious, thick, dark-blue bath sheets hanging up on the nearby bathroom towel rack before he reached over to pull one off and proceeded to gently rub me dry from head to toe.   He seemed to take particular pleasure in rubbing my head briskly with the towel to make my hair as tousled and wild as possible, laughing softly as he stared back at me and I flushed with embarrassment over what I must look like, but Brian seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.  His eyes were sparkling as he gazed into mine and he whispered, “I think I’m going to like this house a _lot….._.”

 

 

I grinned back at him.  “It does have a certain charm…..even if it IS way too big….,” I agreed as I took the same, now-damp towel from him and returned the favor, taking my time slowly drying my lover’s glorious body off, making sure I provided the same type of treatment to Brian’s hair as he did to mine as I vigorously scrubbed his auburn hair while Brian flashed me a warning look at my misbehavior. 

 

 

I glided the towel down over his chiseled shoulders and biceps, then his chest and flat stomach, admiring the way his taut muscles rippled at my touch, before squatting down to pay special attention to one of my lover’s best features.  I made sure to dry off his long legs first, however, hearing Brian groan in disapproval as I studiously ignored his quickly-hardening cock just like he had mine.  “You know what they say about paybacks, Kinney,” I softly chided him as he fisted some of my hair in his hands in a silent admonishment to get on with the important stuff.  I lifted my eyes to gaze into his impertinently as he huffed out his impatience, his cock clearly showing evidence of being neglected. 

 

 

I finally finished drying off every other speck of his bronzed body before I slowly placed the towel down on the floor and decided to take care of the last parts of his still-wet skin personally.  I wrapped one hand around his trim waist as I hefted his balls in my other, juggling them lightly in the palm of my hand like they were succulent meatballs.  I could hear Brian hiss out his barely-disguised anticipation above me, but I was determined to move at my own pace as I lightly flicked my tongue playfully over his slit and smiled as I heard a distinctive, pleading murmur of my name on Brian’s lips in response.  “So impatient,” I scolded him as I looked up into his face and he rolled his eyes in reaction. 

 

 

Brian growled, “Fucking get on with it, you tease,” as I chuckled back at his discomfiture.  Finally, I grasped the base of his shaft and opened my lips to accommodate his wide girth as Brian sighed in pleasure.  I could smell his part musky, part soapy scent around his pubes as I proceeded to slide my lips up and down the hot, silky texture, my fingers brushing against his curly hair as I lightly scraped my teeth across Brian’s cock.  I had to hold onto him firmly as he jerked in reaction to my unexpected nipping before I began to slide my lips up and down in firm strokes, stopping each time when I got the tip to suckle the sensitive slit as I did what I knew would drive my lover wild with desire. 

 

 

A few repeated motions of my ministrations and I felt Brian stiffen in my embrace, just before he exploded into my mouth and slightly sagged against my head.  I expertly swallowed every drop before licking my lips and slowly rising to stand flush against the hot, sweaty body.  Brian slid his hands around my waist before he leaned in to kiss the residual come off my lips and whisper, “Let’s go visit the stables now.”

 

 

My eyes widened in astonishment.  “Brian…there’s SNOW on the ground out there!  I’m not going to the stables just to have my ass frozen off!”   

 

 

Brian laughed at my look of horror as he replied seductively, “It’s heated inside…..and I’m just like all the other stallions out there - I _love_ to be ridden.”  I giggled, but then my face turned deep red as he added seductively, “And one day, if I have MY way, we’ll be riding _bareback_.”

 

 

As we quickly changed back into our clothing downstairs, I couldn’t help thinking that I couldn’t think of any more significant way to formally christen our new home.

 

 

* * *

 

_Episode 513 – Morning of Justin’s Flight_

 

 

For what might be the last time in a long time, I stood – alone this time – in Brian’s shower, washing off the remnants of our lovemaking from last night.  Actually, it had started in mid-afternoon and had proceeded pretty much nonstop until early this morning.  We had started kissing each other in the kitchen and then moved onto the couch.

 

 

The day, which had started out sunny earlier, had slowly turned cloudier and cloudier, much like my melancholy mood, as the hours progressed closer and closer to the time I knew I would have to say goodbye; by the time mid-afternoon came, the skies were dark and angry, signaling an approaching thunderstorm.

As Brian and I moved over to the couch in silent accord, the rain began to slowly fall, first in a gentle shower and then in a steady cadence as we almost reverently removed each other’s clothing and knelt together on the cushions facing each other, our arms and lips telling each other what was in our hearts.  I felt an odd mixture of nervous anticipation at what I would find in New York as I smiled tenderly at Brian, who bravely smiled back at me lovingly in return, his eyes telling me what he had verbalized only once since we had met – that he _loved_ me – mixed in with profound sadness that I had to leave the only man I had ever loved in order to discover what lay ahead of me. 

 

 

As Brian gently lay me down on the couch and draped his long, lean frame over mine to begin kissing me in earnest, our passion flared as usual for each other and I was able to at least temporarily forget what I would have to do in the morning – leave this man and the only home I had ever known to find out where I belonged; to find out if I really _did_ have a special talent and wasn’t just one of a thousand other artists craving attention and appreciation for my work.  I forced myself, instead, to concentrate on the hands slowly worshiping my body, the lips trailing a soft path across my chest, the nose nuzzling my neck in the way that always drove me crazy.

 

 

I sighed in both pleasure as well as doubt as we continued our lovemaking; was I doing the right thing leaving this man?  I knew by now that Brian loved me; I guess I had known it for a long time by his touch and the things he always did for me, in the way he protected me and made me stronger than I ever thought I _could_ be.  And I knew we didn’t need the traditional emblems to prove to ourselves or to anyone else how we felt for each other.  I was confident that our love would survive this separation – the first real instance we would be apart for any length of time since we had met.  But was it the right thing to do?  Was Lindsey correct?  Could I only find myself in the big, bad world of New York City?  Was that what I really wanted? 

 

 

I raised my legs to link them around Brian’s back as I stared into the expressive greenish-brown eyes that were boring into mine as if my partner was trying to memorize every detail of my face.  He remained motionless for a few seconds before he smiled wistfully at me and slowly pushed inside; I hadn’t even been aware he had put a condom on during my fretful ruminations and I hissed slightly at the intrusion, both of us not wanting to be separated even long enough for Brian to go find the lube.  As the initial burn gave way to the familiar pleasurable sensations of my partner’s wide, thick cock encased inside me, however, I placed my hand on his bicep in silent encouragement for him to continue as I lifted my hips in time with his thrusts.

 

 

Our pace tonight was slow and steady, not rushed and hurried like it sometimes – frequently – was.  As he continued to slowly pull in and push out of me, Brian’s gaze never strayed from my eyes, causing my face to flush from the intensity of his stare.  I had never seen Brian so fixated on looking at me; it was as if he were afraid he would forget what I looked like.  I longed to reassure him, to tell him that we would see each other again soon and he had nothing to fear, but the same sense of foreboding kept playing inside my own mind that perhaps he was right.  Perhaps we might not see each other for a long time – maybe forever.  I swallowed the painful lump in my throat at that thought, feeling like a knife was stuck in my windpipe, as I felt the slowly-culminating signs of climax building inside both of us; a few minutes later, first Brian and then I came with our names on each other’s lips and he collapsed on top of me, our bodies sticky and sweaty from our coupling.

 

  

 

I came back to the present to reach over and pluck the bar of Brian’s expensive French, milled soap from the built-in shelf and began to thoroughly lather my body from head to toe, trying desperately to push aside the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.  I would have to leave within the hour in order to get to the airport in time, and I had told Brian firmly last night before we finally succumbed to sleep that I didn’t want any prolonged goodbyes when I left.  I preferred to leave quietly, just as if I were merely going to school or going to work once more at the diner, not leaving the man I deeply loved for parts unknown.  I somehow knew if Brian looked at me in that way of his, his lips curled under as his eyes stared into mine, even if he didn’t come out and verbalize it out loud, I would have no strength to leave him.  Brian had nodded in understanding as I told him my wishes, covering my body with his protectively as he snuggled his head into the crook of my neck.  As we made love for the last time this morning, I had tried to smile at him bravely, reassuring him that everything would be all right and that we would always be together; it had been the hardest thing I had ever had to do because I wasn’t sure if I was lying to him or to myself.  Would this be the last time we would ever see each other again?

 

 

As I turned off the shower and opened the door to quietly step out to grab one of Brian’s thick cotton towels to dry off, I shook my head.  _No_ , I told myself firmly.  _I won’t let that happen.  I CAN’T._   The thought of never seeing Brian again was too painful to even contemplate.  I couldn’t imagine a life without Brian in it.  He was my inspiration, my advocate for strength, the guardian of my heart as I was his.  Without him, my paintings would be for shit anyway; there would no point in me even remaining in New York, because the spark I needed would be gone. 

 

 

I quickly finished drying off and reached for my clothing I had lain across the toilet; I had already packed the rest of my things earlier and laid my duffel bag by the door.  I had to shake my head slightly at the realization that even after five years everything I really owned was still able to fit inside the same, worn, black duffel bag and my art portfolio.  It certainly made starting over in a new city easier, but I didn’t want to dwell on the philosophical implications of what that meant as I quickly donned my long-sleeved tee shirt and beige chino’s over my briefs and pushed my feet into my sneakers.  Studying myself in the mirror long enough to run a comb through my longer hair – I had decided to keep it longer when I got to New York for _when_ – not IF – Brian came to visit; I knew how much he loved running his long fingers through the strands of it when we were making love – I finally sighed as I placed the comb into my pocket and turned to go.  I looked around the bathroom, remembering all the times Brian and I had been in here together; I could still remember every one of them in crystal-clear clarity even now.  My eyes filled with tears as I hurriedly wiped them away before taking a deep breath and heading over to the bedroom.

 

 

I had agonized over whether to stop in the bedroom on my way out or purposely turn away from it and simply walk directly over to the door and leave; after all, I had been the one to tell Brian that I didn’t want any emotional, lengthy goodbyes.  But I couldn’t resist looking at him one more time to burn his glorious image into my mind and last me until I saw him again.  And I _would_ see him again – I would make sure of it, no matter WHAT happened in our lives.

 

 

Quietly I crept back into the bedroom and stared down at Brian’s nude body; he was still sprawled over the side of the bed where I had left him.  It was almost as if I were still lying beneath him as he lay there on his stomach, his legs at an angle as if he were still covering my smaller body while his arms were above his head.  Even now, he took my breath away with his beauty and majesty, his bronzed skin smooth and taut, his ass not as curved or fleshy as mine but firm and sculpted. 

 

I licked my lips in indecision, wondering how to say goodbye one last time, because I knew I couldn’t follow through on my earlier mandate.  I didn’t want to wake him, though; that would be much too difficult for both of us, and I couldn’t stand seeing those eyes blazing into mine again.

 

 

Finally, I tiptoed closer to the bed until I was a few feet away from Brian’s face and leaned down to place a whisper of a kiss on his cheek.  I held my breath to see if he stirred but thankfully he didn’t move.  I couldn’t help saying to him softly, “I love you so much,” before, the tears stinging my eyes, I slowly stood back up and crept out of the room, purposefully not looking back.

 

 

My eyes swept around the only real home I had known for the past five years as I memorized every detail of the loft before, with a sigh, I picked up my duffel bag and portfolio and swung the door open one last time to go. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Brian’s POV_

 

 

I lay there still and motionless as I heard Justin softly enter the bedroom, purposefully making sure my breath was steady and even so my partner wouldn’t know I was awake; ever since I had felt Justin move out from under me earlier to go take a shower, there was no way I could get back to sleep.  My heart was heavy as I knew time was running out for us; soon, Justin would be leaving to start a new life in New York without me.  I knew by plane it was only about an hour or so away; but to me, it might as well have been on another fucking planet. 

 

 

I had worried that the tears would spill from my eyes, giving my emotions and awakened state away, as I felt Justin lean down and give me a soft kiss on my cheek.  I sucked in a breath as I heard Justin tell me he loved me; it was all I could do not to immediately open my eyes and repeat the same words back to him.  Because I did – I knew I loved this man with all my heart and soul.  It was breaking my own heart to have to say goodbye to him, but I would, because I loved him that much.  This was for Justin this time….it was time for my beautiful, talented partner to spread his wings and fly, and I was confident he would – spectacularly.  I only hoped that when he became famous and renowned for his artistic skill as I knew he would, he wouldn’t forget that he had someone who loved him waiting back in the Pitts for him to return to. 

 

 

As I heard the heavy metal door of my loft swing open and then close, silence permeated the loft once more.  I slowly raised myself up to sit up in the bed, noticing out of the corner of my eye a small, white folded-up note lying on Justin’s pillow on his side of the bed.  Taking a shuddery breath, I reached over to retrieve the note and open it, immediately recognizing my partner’s flowing script. 

 

 

With shaky hands, I began to read it:

 

 

_Brian…I didn’t want to wake you before I left, even though every fiber of my body was screaming for me to do just that.  But I knew if I did, I would never leave, and I have to do this – for both of us.  I just want to tell you that I WILL be back and you WILL be coming out to New York soon to see me.  You know how persistent I can be.  I love you so much, Brian Kinney._

_Justin_

_P.S.  I took a memento with me – hope you don’t mind.  I said we didn’t need them, but I think I’ll hold onto it just the same….._

 

 

I smiled slightly as I rose from the bed and walked into the living room area.  I really didn’t have to open the box to verify my suspicion, but I did anyway.  I brushed the tears away from my eyes as I opened the mahogany-colored jeweler’s box and discovered Justin’s smaller ring missing.  Somehow, it comforted me to know that even though Justin had insisted we didn’t need rings, he still took his anyway.  It gave me hope that perhaps, just perhaps, we really _would_ be together again.

 

 

I took mine out and placed the now-empty box down on the living room table.  I stared at the ring I held between my two fingers up to the light; the early rays of the rising sun reflected off the platinum band, flashing a prism of color throughout the room.  As I held the ring up in the light, I could almost see Justin’s blue eyes reflected there.  “I love you, too, Sunshine,” I whispered before I smoothly slid the band over my left ring finger.  I vowed silently to myself that it would remain there - as long as it took for Justin to return and for us to be reunited once more.  “Knock ‘em dead, Justin,” I said softly before I turned to walk alone toward the shower. 

 


	7. Rain Shower

 

_Schmoopy alert - Justin decides where he really wants to be and our two guys share a kiss in the rain (sigh...)_

 

* * *

 

 

_New York City - Three Months Later – Wednesday Morning_

 

“Sorry, Sara, I’ll be out in a few minutes!” Justin shouted through the bathroom door as he heard his roommate – Daphne’s friend – jiggling the door to get in.  He hurriedly turned around in the combination bathtub/shower stall to search for the soap, which had once more dropped down by his feet.  There was no ledge to put the soap on, so he was constantly having to try and wedge it in the corner where two of the walls met; of course, once it got wet and soapy, though, it proceeded to simply slide off the edge of the bathtub and down into the swirling water which never _did_ quite drain all the way.  Usually, by the time he got done with his shower, he was surrounded in about half a foot of standing water as a result. 

 

Sighing, he turned the creaky knobs to turn off the now-lukewarm stream of water and pulled the white, vinyl shower curtain back from the side of the tub in preparation to get out.  As he stepped out and grabbed a thin, threadbare towel from the toilet seat, he shook his head.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to come out to New York City and take the Big Apple’s art world by storm right away; he realized he would be one of thousands of artist wannabes, all vying for the attention of the movers and shakers of galleries and art critics in an attempt to get noticed and have their works shown.  When he came here, it had been without any preconceived notion that, armed with one (albeit quite complimentary) article from a prominent art critic he could simply announce his presence and admirers would be flocking to him for works to show or sell as he picked and chose which ones to work with.  He knew it wouldn’t be nearly that easy.

 

But even he had to admit it hadn’t just been difficult – so far it had been a _nightmare_.  Once he had settled in with Daphne’s friend, Sara, who was congenial enough, he had set out looking for an appropriate space for a studio.  He knew it would be hard – the rental space fees he had researched before moving here had started out at over a $1,000/month even for the smallest of work areas – but he had been stunned by just how difficult it was in reality.  He had devised an idea to introduce himself to several art gallery owners, attend premier showings highlighting new artists, and even try to enter some of the smaller, emerging artist shows that were constantly popping up all over Manhattan in hopes of being noticed by some of the gallery owners and patrons.  And he had had a modicum of success – he had managed to persuade a couple of them in Soho and Manhattan to accept a few of his smaller pieces on a contingency basis, keeping them showcased in a lesser-known area of their galleries and taking a hefty 25% cut from the sale of any of them in exchange for the buzz it would hopefully generate.  And he had finally been able to locate a place where he could paint – an austere, bare-bones studio space in a large, brick building in the industrial area of Queens that was formerly a shoe manufacturing factory.  The space had never been remodeled and was basically gutted with no conveniences except for a lone, rundown bathroom, and he was relegated to having to share space with eight other artists on the same floor, which sometimes made things disorganized and confined, but at least the windows were tall and abundant, letting in just the right amount of light for his painting.  He always made sure, however, to only go there during the day as he quickly discovered from his fellow artists that the area of town they were working in was not a place you wanted to be alone at night; one of them had already been mugged one night on the way home and had wound up with a couple of bruises on their head as a result.  He shuddered at the thought of that happening – the last thing he wanted was to sustain another head injury. 

 

As he finished drying himself off with the towel and tossed it into a nearby hamper, he reached for his clothing draped over the small, free-standing pedestal sink; the bathroom, while worn-looking but clean, was so tiny there was no room for any ‘luxury’ such as a storage unit.  Any supplies had to either be kept in their narrow linen closet right outside the door, or in the case of necessities such as toilet paper, stored in an open, metal rack that curved around the base of the white porcelain sink or stacked on the back of the toilet against the wall.  The entire bathroom was so small, even with Justin’s petite stature he could almost step directly from the combination bathtub/shower unit onto the toilet seat if he chose to. 

 

Justin let out a resigned breath; he had grown up comfortably enough in his parents’ condo and had never really wanted for anything – at least materially speaking; his father’s refusal to acknowledge him any more since he had come out still continued to seep pain into his heart even now – and fuck knows during his time with Brian at the loft he had never been deprived of anything material either.  After all, Brian was the king of narcissism and enjoyed the finer things in life – the best clothes, the best furniture, the best appliances.  But he had never thought of himself as being spoiled by all of that.  After all, he had moved into a virtual dive after leaving Brian about a year ago and had wound up in something that could have only been deemed one step above a dump.  Everything had stuck there – the apartment door, the kitchen cabinets, even the bathroom sink faucet (he had often had to use a pair of pliers to turn the hot water on and off).  But it had been his own place, and he had derived a certain amount of satisfaction from that; the inconveniences and nuisances he had encountered hadn’t really bothered him.  So starting at the bottom here in New York hadn’t been a concern for him.

 

But as he stood there looking in the mirror at his drawn, tired face, he knew he had to have lost at least five pounds since he had arrived here; he and Sara shared expenses at their studio apartment, but it was a simple mathematical formula.  If the two of them didn’t have enough income, they had to sacrifice some things in order to pay the rent and utilities.  Sara, a fledgling actress, had been working for the past couple of years at a designer fashion shop in Soho to supplement her acting classes and had occasionally snagged a commercial or bit part; her ultimate goal was to wind up in a play on Broadway, but she had yet to be successful in that endeavor.  Before he had arrived here, Justin had thankfully saved up some money from the proceeds of Rage and the sale of a few of his paintings to be able to afford to pay his half of the rent and the utilities so far, but once that was used up, he would have to depend on the minimum wage salary he was bringing in from the small corner deli down the street; he had managed to miraculously grab a server job there about a week after he had arrived here in the Village.  Thankfully, he could walk to work, which allowed him to save on bus fare, but the hours were sporadic at best and the tips were practically non-existent; the deli was set up so that you waited for your food to be handed to you from across the serving counter after it was prepared, so most customers didn’t think it was necessary to tip the server who brought them their drinks and saw that they were refilled as needed. 

 

As he finished getting dressed, he spared just a moment to sit down on the toilet and wearily place his head in his hands.  He knew it would take a while to establish himself here, but was this what he really wanted?  Was he trying to live out his dream here – or was it _Lindsey_ ’s?  Lindsey had been the one to tell him that he couldn’t make it as an artist without being in the midst of New York City’s hustle and bustle – that he could never make a name for himself in such a relatively small, industrial town as the Pitts; she had been adamant that New York was the only place to be if you wanted to succeed in the art world.  But was that actually the truth?  The only truth he knew so far was that he _had_ had some success in Pittsburgh; in fact, just before he left he had begun to feel that between Rage’s popularity and his showings at several galleries in the downtown area, his name and his accomplishments _were_ starting to be recognized.  Perhaps he was being impatient, but the only truth he knew right now was that he was living in a miniscule New York flat, sleeping on a lumpy, well-past-its-prime couch, and barely making enough to live on, let alone paint with.

 

He wasn’t being unrealistic – he was only 23 years old; he didn’t expect to have his work plastered all over every renowned gallery in New York City, or even Pittsburgh overnight; he wasn’t afraid of hard work – in fact, he welcomed it, he _thrived_ on it.  Was it necessary that his blood, sweat and tears be reserved only for here, though?  He might have to work harder for it in Pittsburgh, but wasn’t it still possible to achieve his dream there?  Plus he would have the added bonus of being with Brian again.  For the umpteenth time, his heart was again warring with his head over what he needed to do.  He didn’t want to be seen as a failure or someone who gave up too easily, but who was he really trying to prove himself to?  Himself?  Lindsey?  His father, who had never taken his love for art seriously and who had always thought if he pursued his true dream he would never amount to anything?  Brian? God, he missed him so fucking much...

 

“Justin!  I have to get to work!”

 

His thoughts about the man he loved were interrupted by a light tapping on the bathroom door.  “I’ll be right there, Sara – sorry,” he called out, as he walked over and opened the door.  Smiling apologetically as he walked out into the hall, he told her, “It’s all yours.  I’m heading out for the deli; I won’t be back until after second shift’s over.” 

 

Sara nodded.  “Working another double shift today?” the tall, willowy blonde asked softly in concern.  She knew Justin needed the extra money, but lately it seemed like he was on a perpetual cycle – he was working a lot of double shifts to be able to afford to pay his way and buy additional art supplies, but the extra work time was starting to impact the amount of time he could devote to his art.  As a fellow artist but of a different type, she knew how much being able to pursue what you loved meant to someone, and she felt profoundly sorry that he wasn’t able to work on his art as much as he would like.  If he couldn’t find time to work on his art, he would never become a success at it, but if he didn’t work extra shifts, he couldn’t afford to even produce them.  Somehow, there seemed to be something inherently unfair in that never-ending cycle…

 

“Yeah,” he verified with a grimace; he knew he would be dead on his feet by the time 10:00 came around.  They were only allowed to sit when no one needed to be waited on, and with the deli being just down the block from an off-Broadway theater and it being a show night, he knew the crowd wouldn’t thin out much at all while he was there.  “I should be back around 10:30 or so.  You?”

 

She told him, “I have an audition for a bit part right after work.  Should be back before you; guess I don’t have to worry about picking you up something for dinner, then.”

 

Justin shook his head.  “No, I’ll grab something at work.”  He sighed softly as he turned to go.  “I’d better get going so you can get ready, too.”  Before he could walk away, though, Sara grasped his arm to get his attention and he turned to look at her expectantly.

 

“Justin… I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, but you do realize if you keep working double shifts to get enough money to pay for your art supplies, it’s not going to do you any good because you’ll never have time to paint." 

 

Justin brushed a hand through his still-wet hair as his bit his lip.  “I know,” he sighed as he stared into her worried green eyes.  “This is so fucked up, Sara,” he admitted as she stared at him sympathetically.  “I feel like I’m on this merry-go-round and can’t get off; wake up, go to work, come home exhausted, wake up, go to work, come home exhausted.  Lately all I can do is paint on either my days off or a few hours on the weekend.  I can’t do it at night because of how fucking dangerous it’s supposed to be over there.”  He looked at her and shook his head.  “I’m beginning to wonder what the hell I think I’m trying to accomplish here.  Things seemed a lot clearer three months ago back in Pittsburgh.  The whole notion of coming to the ‘big city’ and making a name for myself seemed so exciting and glamorous.”  He snorted.  “Lately the most ‘exciting and glamorous’ thing I’ve seen is when they put a new item on the deli menu.”

 

His roommate’s mouth twisted up into a knowing smile.  “Yeah… I felt the same way when I came here a few years ago.  There are literally thousands of would-be actors in this town, all vying for their moment in the spotlight; I found that out in a hurry.  Eventually the only question is, how long do you keep going before you give up on your dream?”  She eyed Justin thoughtfully.  “I think it’s different for you, though, Justin.  If you want to be an actor, you pretty much have to be resigned to being in either New York or L.A.  But I don’t think that applies to your talent.”

 

“No?” Justin asked softly, hiding the hint of hopefulness that threatened to bubble up from deep inside. 

 

She shook her head.  “Justin… What good is it doing you if you never have time to work on your art here?  If you _were_ back home – and don’t try and tell me that’s not what your heart really wants,” she added as Justin opened his mouth to say something, “The cost of living would be so much less and you would have more time to devote to your real passion – well, that and your _other_ passion… Or should I say _inspiration_.”  She noticed Justin blush as she hit the nail directly on the head.  Sara had become quite familiar with her roommate’s ‘other’ passion shortly after he had arrived on her doorstep; the following weekend, a tall, gorgeous, dark-haired man had shown up unannounced at the door and, to her extreme disappointment, had asked for Justin.  One look at the beaming smile on her roommate’s face, as well as the identical one on the brunet’s, and she knew this had to be Brian, the man that Justin had talked so animatedly about from the moment they had met.  Of course, she had also taken the liberty of getting more information from Daphne afterward, who was only too willing to share information with her about the love of Justin’s life. 

 

“Nowadays with all the ways to communicate so easily from across the globe, as long as you’re flexible about your schedule and able to commute wherever you need to go, I don’t see why you couldn’t do what you're doing here in Pittsburgh.  I know you would be happier there – and so would someone else.”  She had to smile to herself; Brian had been up to see Justin several times since his partner had moved here, but every time he came he groused about how he could barely move around in their flat.  And he never wound up actually staying here, always preferring one of the finer hotels in Manhattan; after all, she couldn’t blame him.  She had already observed how the two couldn’t keep their hands off each other from the moment they saw each other, so having a roommate in the next room trying to sleep through paper-thin walls while they fucked wasn’t very conducive to their ‘activities’ OR to her sleep, either. 

 

“Sara...,” Justin began, not quite sure what he was going to say.  The way she stated everything so logically, his heart was telling him it all made sense.  But was his stubborn pride going to get in the way?  Did he want to return home with his proverbial tail between his legs, in essence admitting defeat, that he couldn’t succeed in the big, bad, ‘adult’ world?  That he would always need Brian to support him?  Just the thought of that made a sour taste arise in his mouth.  “I can’t – I _won’t_ – have Brian taking care of me for the rest of my life, like some little helpless, housewife faggot who can’t support himself!” 

 

Sara shook her head in amazement.  “You just don’t get it, do you, Taylor?” she accused him.  “You’re too close to the picture to really understand your talent.  Trust me – I’m no art critic, but from what I’ve seen you can paint _any_ fucking place you want to.  The admirers will come to _you,”_ she added firmly as Justin eyed her with skepticism; she refused to be deterred, however.  “Yeah, maybe you might need a little financial help for a few months from your – shall I point it out? willing _partner_ until you can get a little more firmly established.  But after that, I’d say the sky’s the limit.”  She crossed her arms over her chest as she continued.  “Shit, Justin!  I would _kill_ to have the sort of talent you do!  Not only that, but to be able to pursue my passion anywhere like you could!  Didn’t you tell me Brian had a studio built for you at Britin?”

 

Justin let out a heavy breath, admitting, “Yeah… Without me knowing about it.”  It was supposed to have been a wedding surprise for him; Brian had eventually had it done  immediately after he had left for New York City instead, supposedly so he would have a way of painting when he came back to visit his hometown, but they both knew the truth:  it was a not-so-subtle way of Brian trying to convince him that he would like Justin to eventually come home for good so they could be together.  Oh, he had never come out and said that, but he knew just the same.  Several years ago, Brian would have jumped at the chance to move to New York, but now, with his own business flourishing where it was, he didn’t quite trust anyone just yet to take over his ‘baby.’  Besides, with his private jet, he could pretty much fly anywhere he needed to be to meet with important clients, including New York. 

 

Sara knew this discussion had to end soon, or she would be late for work along with Justin.  But she also felt it was important that her roommate – and now friend – had his facts straight.  “Justin… A love like you and Brian have doesn’t just come around all the time.  I’ve seen the way you are together – this is a once in a _lifetime_ kind of love!”

 

Justin swallowed a painful lump in his throat as tears threatened to fall.  “I know,” he said, his voice hitched with emotion as he gazed down at the platinum band firmly wrapped around his left ring finger.  Being apart from Brian the past three months had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do; even with their frequent visits and nighttime phone calls, his body literally ached from their separation.  He never slept well at night, always waking up around 3:00 a.m. each morning like clockwork, wanting to feel Brian’s arms around his waist or his head resting in the crook of his shoulder, his warm body pressed against his after a marathon round of lovemaking earlier.  But all he woke up to was a cold, cotton sheet and a stiff back from sleeping on their flat’s sofa.  “But if it's the real thing,” he stubbornly maintained, “It will last through this.”

 

“But why should it?” she persisted.  “Justin – why should you – and Brian – be so miserable?  It’s not fucking necessary!  Shit, Picasso!  If I were you, I’d be on the next plane home!  No one is going to think less of you if you decide to continue your career back in Pittsburgh!  How could anyone blame you for wanting to be with the person you love?”  She smiled.  “I think it’s downright romantic as hell.”

 

Justin smirked.  “Better not let Brian hear you say that,” he said.  “Even now he practically gets heartburn when you mention the word _romantic_.”  

 

Sara snorted.  “And this from a man who bought a fucking _mansion_ for his future betrothed,” she pointed out teasingly.

 

“We called that off, remember?” Justin reminded her.  Secretly, he wouldn’t tell Sara, but he still hoped that somewhere down the road Brian would still be open to the idea.  Yes, they didn’t _need_ the rings, license or vows, but that didn’t mean perhaps he still didn’t entertain the notion of it just the same.  He sighed.  “Even if I _did_ want to go back home, I just can’t up and leave you here in the lurch,” he pointed out, finding his resolve weakening just a bit, though, at the idea of being with Brian all the time again; the occasional visits back and forth between them just made him ache for him all the more. 

 

“Bullshit, Justin!” Sara growled as Justin’s eyes widened at her vehemence.  “You think I couldn’t find someone chomping at the bit to move in here?  I’m in a rent-controlled flat!   Even with the God-awful amount the landlord collects, it’s still _nothing_ compared to what most people would have to pay!  Trust me, Justin – I wouldn’t have a problem finding another roommate!  Next excuse?”

 

Justin had to smile at her in-your-face, no-holds-barred attitude.  “I can see why you and Daphne are such good friends,” he told her wryly.  “I feel like I’m talking to her right now.”  He missed talking to his best friend as much as they used to; Daphne had decided to pursue her own dream of becoming a pediatric doctor and had enrolled in pre-med school at the beginning of the year.  Fortunately for him, partly due to financial reasons, she had decided to stay close to home and attend the University of Pittsburgh, so he did see her from time to time when he went home to visit.  She wasn’t as easy to reach as she used to be, though; her heavy homework assignments and her decision to volunteer with an orphanage in her spare time didn’t leave her much time for the two of them to just hang out together.   He had found, though, that her friend Sara was a pretty good replacement for her, though, when it came to no-nonsense talk.

 

She grinned back at him.  “I’ll take that as a compliment,” she told him.  “Any more logical arguments?”

 

Justin sighed.  “I… Even if I _did_ decide that’s what I wanted to do, I’d be afraid everyone would look at me as a failure because I didn’t give it enough time.  They’d tell me I didn’t persevere enough or _starve_ myself enough to get what I wanted.  They’d say I gave up too easily.”

 

Sara scrunched up her face in disbelief, completely forgetting she was going to be late for work.  “You are so full of shit, Taylor!” she snarled as Justin scrunched up his face as if he had been hit.  Sara had managed through a combination of conversations with Daphne as well as Justin confiding in her to pretty much figure out what had happened to him in the past, and she couldn’t believe her ears at the absurdity of her friend’s statement. “This coming from someone who almost died after being hit by a baseball bat, stood up to a homophobic book writer, started a Gay/Straight Alliance at his school, stood up to an asshole running for mayor (not to mention being suspended when he wouldn’t apologize for what he did), left the love of his life for someone else when he didn’t feel he was getting what he needed, only to have the balls to go back when he called the other man out for cheating on him, and left the only home he knew when his father gave him an ultimatum to either live a lie or leave?  The same man who managed to get his artwork noticed in a major prestigious art magazine by a well-known art critic after his first emerging artist show?  Is this the same man who’s saying everyone will think he’s a failure now?  Really…”   She stood there now with one hand on her hip and her head cocked as she stared into his eyes unflinchingly.  “That man’s a failure?  Well, if he’s a failure, then I’m Kristin Chenoweth.”

 

Justin rolled his eyes.  “Well, you both have blonde hair, anyway,” he pointed out helpfully.

 

“Well, believe me, that’s where the similarity ends,” his friend firmly pointed out.  “All you have to do is compare our checkbooks.”  She smiled softly at her friend.  “And that’s where the similarity between you and being a failure ends, too.”  She glanced over the small kitchen clock in the shape of a theatrical mask mounted above their small, single-tub sink and sighed.  “Look, I have to get going and so do you.  Just think about what I said, okay?  The measure of a person’s success isn’t just in money; it also comes from being happy.”  She reached over impulsively and gave Justin a small kiss on the cheek before turning to walk into the bathroom.

 

Justin stared at the now-closed bathroom door for a few seconds, lost in thought, before he turned and hurried to gather up his keys and deli apron and departed for his not-so-satisfying job, wondering how he had managed to snag such a know-it-all woman for his roommate.  As he hurried down the street toward the deli, he decided he was perhaps the luckiest man on the face of the earth, though, because of it.

 

* * *

 

 

_Saturday Morning – Britin_

 

_“The National Weather Service has issued a severe thunderstorm watch for Allegheny County and surrounding regions.  Winds in excess of 60 mph and hail up to a quarter-inch in size are possible with this storm.  Please take the necessary precautions if you are outside.”_

 

In his place inside one of the stalls in the stables, Brian groused under his breath as he stroked one of the horses’ manes until it shone.  _NOW_ _they tell me._  He had come out here about thirty minutes ago to check out the three animals inside, initially under the pretense of feeding them for the day.  But truthfully, the horse he was currently brushing really didn’t need any more grooming; he had already been brushed so much that the mane’s coarse hair shone under the skylights mounted overhead that Brian had installed a few months ago to bring more light inside.  Brian was using that as an excuse, instead, to occupy his mind.  He had purchased a couple of Appaloosas and a pony about a month ago as a surprise for mainly Gus whenever he came down to visit them; he thought it would be a great way to enjoy the outdoors with his son and hopefully Justin.  As he familiarized himself with the three animals over the past few weeks, though, he also found that he simply liked coming out to the stables to be alone with his thoughts.  At least these three didn’t give him any backtalk, and they seemed to be listening to him without complaint.  _That’s more than some of my employees do_ , he thought, only half-kidding.  There was just something soothing about stroking the horse’s mane or simply caressing the animal’s neck that lowered his blood pressure and settled him down.

 

He could hear thunder in the far-off distance as he put the hairbrush aside on a bale of straw and plopped down unceremoniously on the ground next to the horse he had been grooming – appropriately named Narcissus.  He flipped off the nearby radio before he smirked and looked up at his ‘namesake,’ whose auburn-colored hair was flowing down one side of his neck in a long, silky ribbon.  “We’re both hot now,” he murmured as the horse dipped his head and whinnied softly in response.  He tried to smile at his joke, but he found that his heart wasn’t in it.  His heart, instead, was squarely several hundred miles away inside a hovel of an efficiency flat, long ago stolen away by a certain slender little artiste who constantly occupied his every waking – and sleeping – thought.  He let out a frustrated breath as he picked up a piece of straw and idly rolled it between his fingers, the glint of his ring reflecting off the filtered sunshine above; soon he figured storm clouds would obscure it altogether. 

 

He had talked a good talk when Justin had left – telling him he didn’t want him staying here just because he thought it was what he wanted.  And he had maintained a stoic front for the past three months over the phone and in person whenever they saw each other, encouraging him about his minor victories in New York and commiserating when things didn’t appear to be going so well.  But he found that each time he had to say goodbye, it was harder than the last time.  He fucking _hated_ their separation, but he put up with it for Justin’s sake.  He knew it was important that Justin make important contacts in the art world to advance his career, and he was willing to put up with the unsatisfactory arrangement to allow him that chance.  Justin deserved the recognition for his unbelievable talent and for what he had had to endure in his relatively short life.  It didn’t make their distance apart any easier to bear, though, when he went to bed at night alone, longing to inhale his partner’s unique, sweet/musky scent and feel his hands roaming so perfectly over his body.  Only Justin knew how to touch him in that special way of his to make his pleasure unparalleled with any other he had ever experienced.  Was it because there was love underneath the touch of his lips and his hands that made it that much more exquisite?  He didn’t know for sure, because until Justin had entered the picture, there had really been nothing else to compare it to; he had never been in love before and something told him he would never find this feeling with any other man again.  With Justin, there _wasn’t_ anyone else of significance or of importance.  He was _it_. 

 

He sighed; now all he had to do was learn to live with an occasional, meaningless encounter with a trick of the night until he could be with his partner full-time again.  He still imbibed from time to time at Babylon in the back room with a quick blow job from someone or an occasional fuck.  But he found himself doing it less and less, actually preferring instead to wait until his next bittersweet reunion with his partner or preferring to jack off to the sound of his lover’s rich, husky voice over the phone.  To his chagrin, Justin had that way of simply saying his name in that certain way that conjured up all sorts of visual images that always succeeded in making him come like an inexperienced school boy.  He figured it had more to do with thoughts of what they would be doing to each other the next time they saw each other in person that actually made him climax, but he didn’t want to tell Justin what power he had over him.  Did it really matter, though?  Somehow he had a feeling Justin already knew anyhow…

 

He jumped slightly as a loud boom filled the nearby mountains; he could tell as he looked up through the nearest skylight that the clouds were angry and dark gray now; if he didn’t make a run for the house right away, it would soon be too late.  Standing up in the stall, he pressed his hands into the small of his back as he stretched backward to limber up his suddenly stiff muscles before he reached over one more time to lightly stroke the horse’s neck reassuringly; he could hear the other horse and Gus’s pony neighing softly for attention nearby.  “Okay,” he good-naturedly grumbled, before reaching in his pants pockets to retrieve the apples he had brought out for each one as a treat.  “One a piece – understand?  Then I have to get out of here.”  He held out one of the red delicious apples to Narcissus first, squirming a little as the horse’s lips tickled his open palm before he walked out of the stall to stand next to the other two animals and repeat the same procedure with them, taking some time to sooth and calm their somewhat uneasy demeanor in the wake of the approaching storm.  Patting Gus’s pony lightly on the head, he made sure each stall’s deadbolt was securely latched before reaching for his leather jacket nearby and rushing toward the stall’s two double exit doors.  Taking one more look back at the horses and pony to make sure they were firmly enclosed, he quickly swung the left door open and stepped outside. 

 

“Shit!” he muttered as he felt some big, fat raindrops beginning to fall; quickly he doffed his jacket before leaving the stables, choosing to hang it on a hook nailed onto one of the interior upright beams and leave it there rather than have it be ruined by the rain.  Taking a moment to swing the door closed, he began to make a run for the house, knowing there was no way he would make it there before he got absolutely soaked; the rain was quickly increasing in intensity and the thunder began to loudly roll from all sides as the wind picked up considerably.

 

From a distance, he could swear he could hear someone calling him, but in the storm’s increasing cacophonous symphony he figured it was just his imagination.  As he ran a little further, however, there was no mistaking it:  someone was definitely calling out his name, and it sounded suspiciously like his partner’s voice.  “Justin?” he shouted out against the rush of the wind and the booms of thunder. 

 

“Brian?” his partner responded.  “Where _are_ you?”

 

“I’m out here getting soaked in the fucking rain, where do you THINK I am?” he groused as he wiped some rain out of his eyes and rushed toward where he thought Justin’s voice was coming from.  The water that had started out as a steady shower was coming down now in torrential sheets, the wind almost making it appear like it was raining sideways as he finally spotted his drenched partner jogging up to him.  “Justin!” he shouted above the din as he tried to make himself heard; he grasped the slender, wet shoulders and looked into the blue eyes that were blinking rapidly in an attempt to keep the water out of them.  “What the fuck are you doing out here?”

 

“I was looking for YOU!” he shouted back. 

 

“What are you _doing_ here, though?” Brian returned with a yell.  “You weren’t suppose to come back to visit until _next_ weekend.”  He reached up to brush some plastered hair away from Justin’s eyes as he strained to hear what his partner was saying.

 

“I’m not here to visit,” he told Brian loudly as they stood there, the rain continuing to shower down upon them in  buckets now.

 

“What?” Brian replied, raising his voice once more.  “I didn’t hear you.”

 

Justin rolled his eyes, wondering what in the hell they were doing out here getting drowned anyway.  He tried to raise the volume of his voice even more as he yelled back, “I said… I’m not HERE to visit!  I’m back to STAY!”

 

“It was _today_?” Brian answered confused, shaking his head to try and get rid of the water pouring down over him.  He watched Justin huff out an irritated breath as he gave him a helpless shrug indicating he still didn't understand.

 

“NO!” Justin shouted.  “I said I’m HERE...TO... STAY, YOU ASSHOLE!” he yelled, slowly enunciating each word in hopes that Brian would finally understand what he was saying.

 

He didn’t need for Brian to verbalize that he understood; all he had to do was look at the smile that broke out over his partner’s handsome face just before he unexpectedly swept him up into his arms and swung him around like a rag doll before their lips came together in a searing kiss.  As Brian slowly lowered his feet back down to the ground and they wrapped their arms around each other’s waists, both were uncaring now about the water pelting down out of the angry, almost black sky that made it look like nighttime instead of mid-day.

 

An even louder clap of thunder a few seconds later caused both men to jump as Brian shouted in Justin’s ear, “Come on!”  He began to pull Justin back toward the stables since they were closer to that structure than the house; both men were drenched to the bone now and he knew Justin would be starting to chill soon from the exposure.  The blond followed his partner close behind as they took each other’s hand and ran helter-skelter toward the wooden shelter.

 

Brian grabbed one of the double doors and fiercely swung one of them open as both men rushed in.  He paused to hurriedly close the door, at last providing them with a semblance of quiet as the structure muffled the fierceness of the storm.  Both men were breathing heavily from their short sprint as Brian turned around to gaze into his partner’s beautiful face.  The relative quiet after what they had just experienced was almost eerie now as he asked in a normal tone of voice, “Did I really hear you correctly, Justin?  Did you really say you were back to _stay_?”  Silently, he prayed that his hearing hadn’t failed him, because if he heard wrong, his heart might be the organ about to fail him instead.  To his relief, though, Justin smiled and nodded his head.

 

“You heard me right,” he replied softly as he walked up to Brian and wiped some hair away from his partner's soaked face.  “I’m back to stay… If that’s what you want, too.”

 

Brian shook his head in incredulity.  “Are you fucking _kidding_ me?” he growled as he placed his hands on Justin’s shoulders.  He gazed into the soft blue eyes peering back up at him.  “You really think you have to ask me that?” he asked quietly.  “But is this what you really want?  What about your career?”

 

Justin smiled as he cupped one wet hand against Brian’s cheek and stroked it lightly with his thumb.  He nodded.  “Yeah, Brian… It’s definitely what I want.  And I can paint here – nowadays it doesn’t matter _where_ you are – with the web and all the new gadgets constantly being invented, you can reach anyone anywhere and any time.  And I happen to know someone with a private jet that might just let me borrow it from time to time to meet with important gallery owners – if absolutely necessary.  And only if I help pay for the transportation costs,” he added pointedly. 

 

The corner of Brian’s mouth lifted as he replied softly, “I think that can be arranged.”  He knew how proud Justin was and how important it was to him that he felt he was pulling his weight; he would gladly pay any expenses just to have his partner back here with him at Britin, but if he had to allow Justin this one condition as a requirement of being back together, he would gladly accept it.  He noticed with concern that Justin was shaking almost noticeably now.  “We've got to get you out of those wet clothes, Sunshine,” he advised as he began to unbutton Justin’s shirt; the cotton fabric was so soaked it was almost plastered like cement to his partner’s pale, smooth chest.  Even under the circumstances as they stood there dripping water onto the dirt floor, Brian still couldn’t help the hitched breath that fell from his lips as he touched the warm flesh underneath the wet fabric and slid his hands upward toward Justin’s neck; he looked up into the amused face of his lover and rolled his eyes.

 

“I mean – come on, you’re shaking from being so cold.  I don’t want you to get sick,” he explained as he finally succeeded in unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and pulling it back away from Justin’s chest.  “Will you help me out here?” he grumbled as Justin silently held out his arms for Brian to pull them out of the sleeves.  He balled up the sopping wet shirt and threw it down on the ground next to them as he looked around for one of the blankets he always kept in the stables for the horses.  “Damn it – there’s a blanket around here somewhere,” he murmured as he looked around; normally he left one of them hanging over a nearby stall, but at the moment it was nowhere to be found.

 

“I was hoping you would suggest a _better_ way to warm me up,” came the sultry response from behind him as Brian’s cock twitched in reaction to Justin’s tone of voice.  He slowly turned to find Justin smiling at him seductively as he began to slowly unbutton his jeans and walk toward him.  Brian smiled back in response, suddenly liking that suggestion as he reached down to help Justin with his task.  The wet denim made for extremely slow and frustrating going, however, becoming almost stiff from the storm's deluge. 

 

“Shit!” Brian muttered in extreme frustration.  He finally took hold of the fly of Justin’s jeans and wrenched it apart, finally succeeding in opening thrum all the way as two buttons went flying across the room.  Justin chuckled softly at his impatience as he managed to toe off his wet sneakers and held onto Brian’s shoulders to step completely out of his jeans and briefs, leaving him in only his wet cotton socks. 

 

“Ooh… I’m going to get to fuck a jock,” he joked as he observed Justin’s knee-high, white athletic socks with a navy-blue band running across the top of them. 

 

Justin smacked his chest.  “It was all I could find on short notice,” he said defensively.  “I was kind of in a hurry to get home.”  He smiled almost sheepishly back at his lover before he reached over and said softly, “Your turn now.”  Brian obediently lifted his arms up as Justin pulled his partner’s long-sleeved shirt over his head to expose the glorious, bronze skin underneath.  He spent a few seconds slowly sliding his hands up the taut flesh, watching Brian shiver slightly under his touch before he began to reach over to unsnap Brian’s jeans, only to find his partner grasp his smaller hands to still them.  He looked up with a puzzled frown as Brian shook his head.

 

“First things first, Sunshine,” he murmured as he noticed his partner still shivering from the exposure to his wet skin; it was even more pronounced now that Justin was nude.  Even so, the words _wet dream_ came unbidden to his mind as he briefly admired the expanse of pale, smooth flesh.  He wrapped his hand around Justin’s waist and pulled him against his body as he led him over toward the nearest stall.  He unlatched the deadbolt of the empty cubicle, finding  the tartan-style, fleece blanket had fallen off from the ledge, as he reached down and retrieved it, wrapping his partner in it papoose-style as he leaned down to kiss the soft, slightly damp lips.  “Better?” he murmured as Justin nodded, still shaking but feeling warmer now. 

 

“I… I still prefer the other method,” he whispered as Brian laughed.

 

“I think I can take care of that,” he assured him as he took hold of his shoulders and gently pushed him down onto the layer of straw below.  Justin watched him intently from his sitting position on the floor as Brian pulled off his Gucci shoes – now totally ruined but he didn’t care – and managed after several seconds to unzip his jeans and pull them, along with his briefs, down his long legs.  Sitting down near Justin, he finally succeeded in shrugging them off completely as Justin opened up the blanket and Brian scooted over to sit down next to him.  Justin wrapped the blanket around the both of them and sighed in contentment as they lay down together and he slid his arms around the firm skin, relishing in the warm, familiar feeling of his partner’s body next to his. 

 

Brian placed his chin above the still-damp head of golden-blond hair and whispered, “Are you sure about this, Justin?”  As much as he wanted his partner back in his life completely, he wanted Justin’s happiness more.  “You’ll be okay staying here to do your painting?” 

 

The rain continued unabated outside the stables, the steady cadence of the heavy drops beating down against the skylights above.   Justin could feel his body quickly warming up as he lay in Brian’s arms and sighed in pleasure.  He knew eventually they would get around to where they always wound up – making love over and over again in their typical, traditional way of getting reacquainted – but for now he was more than content to just lie there as Brian’s hand slowly stroked his shoulder back and forth.  He snuggled deeper into Brian’s arms as he whispered, “I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.” 


	8. Showers of Blessing

 

_Brian uses a unique approach to ask Justin a very important question._  

  

* * *

 

 

_Britin – Mid-Afternoon_

 

Brian smiled as he pulled up to the garage and pushed the remote to open the door; Justin’s car was gone, just as he had hoped.  He had taken the liberty of using a little subterfuge earlier this morning when he had called Jennifer to ask if she could invite his partner out for lunch today.  Of course, Justin’s mother had been inordinately curious about why he had needed for her to do that, but he had chosen to remain enigmatic about it, simply telling her he needed Justin away from the house for a ‘special project’ and asking her to keep quiet about just who had suggested the mother-son get together.  Thankfully, she hadn’t pushed him about it too much, knowing by now that when it came to her son, Brian never meant him any harm and had only his best interests at heart. 

 

As he carried his ‘special project’ in from the garage, he shook his head in amazement, realizing just much Justin had changed him; after this ‘surprise,’ he would be safely guaranteed nomination for either ‘sentimental sap’ of the year, or at the very least, membership into the ‘ridiculously romantic’ club. He looked down at the bag he was holding in his other hand that went together with his surprise and wrinkled his face in disgust; it had cost him over $100 just to buy sufficient supplies for it, but the most incredible part of this whole endeavor was that he had shelled out the money anyway despite his reservations.  He sighed; that just went to show how much he loved Justin – _little shit_.  How did he ever wind up at this point, anyway?   _You’re going to owe me BIG time for this, Sunshine_ , he grumbled silently as he carried his packages down the hall and toward the steps.  _If you hadn’t been so damn good at fucking…_ “Yeah, right,” he muttered aloud, because he knew he would have done it, anyway, just to make Justin happy, despite his reservations over what he was about to introduce into their household.  And he wasn’t doing it just for _him_ , either.  He had finally come to realize that, God forbid, if Justin was happy, it made _him_ happy, too, not matter _what_ it involved.  He shuddered at the thought of how lesbionic that notion was as he continued to tote his items toward the staircase leading upstairs.

 

A few minutes later, he reached Justin’s attic studio; placing his sack of supplies on the floor by the doorway, he carried the covered basket in his other arm over to the far end of the studio and placed it gingerly down on the hardwood floor; a slight jingle sounded as he placed it there, letting him know that everything was proceeding as planned.  Satisfied that the basket was where he wanted it to be, he returned to his plastic bag of supplies and pulled each item out, arranging them properly in a small, out-of-the-way alcove where they would go mainly unnoticed.  “After today, Mr. Taylor, the job’s all yours,” he groused, wanting nothing more to do with it once he was successful in his goal.  He turned to the basket sitting on the opposite wall and said sternly, “It’s up to you now.  Don’t let me down.”  Taking one more perfunctory look to make sure everything was in place, he turned and walked over to the door to descend back down the steps.

 

===================

 

_Fifteen Minutes Later_

 

“Hey, you’re home early,” Justin declared as he walked inside from the garage.  “What’s wrong?”

 

Brian slid his arms around his partner’s waist as he walked up to him before they kissed passionately; of course lately _every_ kiss was a passionate one; ever since Justin had returned it was almost as if they had been making up for lost time.  As the blond’s arms wound around his neck, Brian deepened the kiss, still finding it a little hard to believe his good fortune in having this beautiful man home every night when he arrived.  It certainly gave him a great deal to look forward to; even on his most shitty days at Kinnetik, just the thought of being able to come home to this fascinating and amazing man made what would normally be a horrid day a much more tolerable one.  

 

As they finally broke apart, he arched one brow while his hands lightly stroked the slender back.  “Why does something have to be wrong?” he countered reasonably.  “I’m capable of actually coming home at a decent hour from time to time.”

 

Justin snorted as he played with the back of Brian’s hair.  “Not since I came home again.”  He drunk in the handsome, bronzed face of his partner as his fingers idly feathered the softness there.  “You know – when I agreed to come back here to stay, I was hoping that would mean seeing you more than a few hours a night.”

 

Brian nudged his nose playfully, whispering, “You know I’ve had to work extra hours on the Branson account lately, Mr. Taylor, but it’s just temporary; he’s coming around – NOT in that way,” he hastened to add as Justin raised one eyebrow in question and he smirked.  “After all, _someone_ has to keep you accustomed to the outrageously expensive acrylic paints to which you’ve become accustomed to using,” he teased.  The first time he had offered to stop by Justin’s favorite art supply store in downtown Pittsburgh to pick up some for him, he had been astounded by how much the high-quality paints cost; they were a fucking fortune, especially considering how fast Justin went through a supply of them.

 

As they pulled back from their embrace, Justin bristled slightly, “I can assure you, _Mr. Kinney_ , I am quite able to afford whatever I need myself now.   The days of having to rely on your creative genius for my art supplies are long gone.”  There was a hint of defensiveness in his voice as he spoke.

 

Brian sighed.  “Hey… I know that, Justin,” his partner murmured solemnly as he gazed into the skeptical blue eyes; he was proud of how far his partner had come since the days they had first met and he had been an excited teenager, looking forward to his first amateur art show.  His partner had achieved a great deal since that day when Lindsay had first offered to display his creative talent to others at the GLC.  He gazed at Justin in amazement.  “Surely you don’t really think I _feel_ that way?” he asked softly.   He should have known, though, not to even kid about the subject; Justin was downright obsessive about not taking any more handouts from him, and had, in fact, paid back every penny he had ever invested in him.  Of course, it had ultimately wound up being the best fucking investment he had ever made…

 

Justin’s lips turned up into a grudging gesture of acknowledgment in response.  “I guess not,” he decided.  “But you know how touchy I am about that subject.”  He never _had_ liked the idea of being dependent upon Brian for his needs – not that he had ever really asked him for support – Brian had just seemed to decide that on his own.  But his days of being a scared, unsure little kid had long since disappeared; if anything ever happened to his and Brian’s relationship – and he prayed to God that it never did – he at least was confident that he would be more than able to independently support himself now that his art career had been firmly established. 

 

Brian nodded.  “Yeah, I know just how _touchy_ you can be,” he responded, his eyes dancing and his lips curling under as he abruptly began to tickle his partner’s sides; Justin instantly starting laughing at his touch as he tried to wriggle away, but Brian merely tightened his hold on him by grabbing his upper arms as he smiled down at the captivating face of his partner.  _Shit – I love you so damn much…_ He was definitely, royally fucked, he decided, as he stared into the mesmerizing blue eyes, because he knew he would never want this man out of his life ever again.  “Justin… Promise me something.”  The words were out of his mouth before he really knew it.

 

Justin’s wrinkled his brow at the sudden change in Brian’s tone of voice, from playful to deadly serious as he gazed into the thoughtful-looking hazel eyes.  “What?” he asked softly, wondering what had made Brian’s demeanor change so dramatically.

 

His partner took a deep breath and let it out before saying, “Promise me that whatever happens and whatever direction our careers take us, we will manage somehow to do it together – in the same fucking city.  No more long-distance commuting.  Even if it means _I_ have to be the one to compromise in order for your art to get the attention it deserves.”  He gazed into Justin’s face, at once scared shitless to be revealing so much of himself to his partner but feeling uncharacteristically free of burden at the same time.  “Because I will do that, you know,” he added softly, staring down at his hands to avoid Justin’s penetrating stare; even if he couldn’t see it, he could almost feel the heated gaze on him.

 

Justin was stunned; his heart thought it would explode from gratitude at Brian’s heartfelt words.  He couldn’t think of anything more expressive of Brian’s love for him than the fact that he would be willing to bow to his professional needs above his own.  He knew that Brian was just as driven and ambitious toward his advertising work as he was toward his own artwork, so for Brian to be willing to put aside his goals temporarily for his own was both incredible as well as astonishing.  At that moment, even though he never thought it was even possible for him to fit any more depth of feeling into his heart, he felt he loved this man even more. 

 

“That… That means a lot to me,” he whispered back.  “That has to be the most sacrificial, selfless thing you could ever do for me.”

 

Brian huffed softly.  “You might be surprised.”  He leaned down to kiss Justin tenderly before whispering, “Come with me.  I’ve got something to show you, and I’d say the sooner, the better.”  _Yeah… Before I fucking chicken out_.  Ever since he had first thought of the idea, he had had reservations about it, because he knew it – as well as the hoped outcome – would change everything from now on.  But as he gazed into his partner’s puzzled blue eyes, he smiled.  It would still be worth it.

 

He let go of Justin’s arms to take his left hand in his right.  “Just come with me,” he urged mysteriously.

 

Justin smiled at him in confusion, but placed his hand in his trustingly as the two of them walked down the hallway toward the staircase.  Brian kept their hands intertwined until they reached the third floor where his partner’s converted attic studio was located.  As he turned the knob at the bottom of the narrow steps to open the access door, he turned to his partner to advise, “Just remember, if you agree to this, from now on this is going to be _your_ responsibility.” 

 

_What the fuck_? Justin thought in confusion.  He had seen Brian in action long enough around advertising campaigns to know he could execute some weird ideas, but he had no idea what the hell he was talking about; the attic was completely remodeled now and perfect for what he needed.  He was quite happy with it.  “You didn’t change something in my studio, did you?” he asked.  “I loved it just the way it was.”

 

“No, everything’s the same,” Brian assured him as they ascended the narrow, wooden steps together.  “At least I _hope_ so,” he added, biting his lip a little in concern.  After all, it had only been approximately 30 minutes since he had left the basket up there – how much damage could there be?

 

“Brian…” Justin replied, twisting around to eye his partner warily.  “What the fuck are we talking about here?”

 

Brian gave him a gentle push as he turned him back around to face the steps.  “You’ll see,” he responded enigmatically.  “Just go on up,” he urged him.

 

Justin hesitated for a couple of seconds before, with a sigh of resignation, he did as Brian asked.  He instinctively knew he wouldn’t be getting any more information from him, at least for now.  As he neared the top of the steps, though, he fervently hoped that Brian hadn’t wound up pulling one of his typical, grandiose over-the-top stunts and done something outrageously extravagant.  He turned to gaze back at his partner, who merely shrugged and arched one eyebrow elegantly in reply, before he turned around and grabbed the antique, glass doorknob to swing the door inward.   

 

As he poked his upper body in the studio, however, he was enormously relieved – as well as just a little puzzled – to see that nothing had changed at all; everything looked just as it had before he had left earlier to have lunch with his mother.  He furrowed his brow in confusion as he emerged onto the hardwood floor of the attic and swept his gaze around to wait for Brian to join him.  “Bri…” he started to say his partner’s name, to ask him why he had brought him up here, when his gaze fastened upon a medium-sized, natural-colored brown wicker basket with a braided handle and a hinged lid on top lying nearby.  He turned to eye Brian curiously, getting another innocent shrug of his shoulders in reply.  The basket looked similar to one he himself had used a few years ago for an impromptu feast on the floor at the loft – and with disastrous results, he might add.  “We’re having a _picnic_ up here?” he asked.  Was that the ‘surprise?’

 

Brian snorted.  “Hardly.  Believe me, Sunshine, this will be NO picnic.  But I am officially washing myself of any more responsibility as of now for it – if you agree to my terms, that is.”

 

Justin rolled his eyes in exasperation and placed his hands on his hips.  “What the fuck, Brian?  What in the hell are we talking about?  _WHAT_ terms?” 

 

Brian opened his mouth to reply when all of a sudden he was spared the need as a sound permeated the stillness of the room.  Justin whirled around to face the basket again, a look of stunned surprise on his face.  There was no mistaking that sound, was there?  “Was that a...?”  He couldn’t even say the word – the whole idea was simply too preposterous.  He knew Brian well by now, and he _also_ knew, therefore, that there was no way in hell he would ever agree to that.

 

“Go find out for yourself, Sunshine – I’m not going anywhere _near_ that container,” Brian vowed.  As the brunet peered over at his partner, he had to admit; the look on Justin’s face was priceless despite what it was about to cost him.  It was a combination of hope, suspicion, disbelief and excitement all rolled up into one.  “Well…move,” he barked at him as Justin stood there immobile. 

 

Justin bit his lip in uncertainty for a moment before his curiosity got the best of him and he slowly crept closer to the basket.  As he reached it, there it was again – the same sound, only louder and more distinctive.  He turned to look once more at Brian, a beaming smile of wonder beginning to form on his face, before he knelt down and slowly raised the lid to peek inside.

 

”Oh, my God!” he cried out in astonished delight as he reached in and gently plucked out the contents – a small, white, fluffy ball of fur.  He was amazed as he cradled the kitten in his arms just how tiny it really was – the body was barely noticeable underneath all the fur.  “Oh, you’re such a tiny little thing,” he cooed as he rubbed noses with it and marveled at its softness.  He held the blue-eyed kitten up in both hands to stare into the almond-shaped eyes as he turned to peer over at his partner, a blinding smile now on his face.  “Brian,” he said in incredulity.  “You bought me a _kitten_?”  He couldn’t believe it; Brian had always been adamantly opposed to any pets in the house; actually, his steadfast refusal had started in the loft.  When his partner had asked him to move in with him – _finally_ – he had ventured up enough nerve to broach the possibility of adopting a cat and you would have thought he had either sprouted another head or he had told his partner that Debbie had been revealed to be a closet lesbian; Brian informed him in swift order that as long as he had a living cell left in his body, there would be no pussies – feline or otherwise – in his home. He said they were all filthy, needy, hairy individuals, er, animals, and had no place in their living quarters.  Period.  End of discussion. 

 

Now, apparently, that had somehow changed.  “Brian?” he asked again as he turned to stare intently at him to make sure he wasn’t playing some sort of sarcastic joke.  “Are you trying to tell me that you’re agreeing to let me have a ‘filthy, whiny, hairy,’ _CAT_?”

 

Brian sighed, knowing by the expression on Justin’s face that he couldn’t back down now even if he wanted to; he had figured Justin would be happy about his change of heart, but even _he_ hadn’t been prepared for the jubilant, joyful look on his partner’s beautiful face.  Justin was downright thrilled and overwhelmed; you would have thought he had just been paid several million dollars for one of his paintings.  “Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying,” he finally grumbled.  “But this is a special kind of cat,” he hastened to explain.  “And just so we’re clear on this – this will be _YOUR_ fucking cat, NOT mine.  You feed it, you bathe it – regularly – you especially clean out the litter box daily, and you walk it.  I’m not doing any of that.”

 

Justin laughed softly as he stared into the feline’s sapphire blue eyes.  “You don’t walk cats, Brian.  They sort of decide what THEY want to do and they just do it.”

 

“Not _that_ cat,” Brian warned him; the damn thing had tried to escape from his wicker confinement several times on the way home from the pet adoption center.  “It’d better be the best-behaved fucking cat on the planet.  Do they have obedience classes for cats like they do dogs?” he asked hopefully.  Surely there was _some_ way to control them…

 

Justin shook his head and smiled.  “Afraid not.  I don’t think cats DO ‘obedience.’  But a deal is a deal – it’s too late now,” he told him, not giving Brian any chance to back out.  “That reminds me, though; I almost hate to ask – but just what IS our deal?” He burrowed his face into the kitten’s fur as it let out a dainty, barely audible meow and then began to hum in pleasure like a motorboat.  Justin smiled as he rubbed his face against the fur, relishing in the unbelievable softness.

 

Brian smirked; Justin was definitely in love.  “Well, the first part of the deal is that the fucking cat does NOT sleep in bed with us, even though he seems to be enamored with you already.”  He pointed over to the almost hidden alcove.  “I’ve already gotten Mr. High and Mighty the most outrageously expensive cat bed known to mankind and even one of those automatic litter box contraptions.  He’ll be spaced out soon anyway from all the catnip I bought him.  So NO sleeping in our bed – period.  That’s the first part.  And he stays up here with you in the studio when you’re at home and out of my office.  Are we in agreement so far?”

 

Justin nodded without reservation; he could certainly live with those rules.  “No problem on _my_ end,” he said, smiling in delight down at his new gift; he wouldn’t mind having his newly-discovered friend keeping company with him here in the studio while he worked; he had a couple of cats during his childhood and enjoyed their antics enormously.  “You’re such a handsome fellow,” he cooed to the feline as Brian shook his head at the flattery.  “ _I’d_ fuck you if I were a cat,” he told the white fur ball with a chuckle.  Justin turned with a frown toward his partner to add, “But you said that was the _first part_.  What’s the rest of it?”  He eyed him suspiciously, wondering if Brian was going to place some sort of unreasonable conditions onto his sudden reversal to his pet denial policy.

 

“You’ll have to figure that out for yourself,” Brian said mysteriously.  “That’s for you to find.  Take a closer look,” he added, nodding his head toward the tiny ball of fluff.

 

Justin held the small kitten up to his face with both hands as the animal mewed softly again and blinked at him.  “What are you trying to tell me, kitty?” Justin murmured to him.  “Does your other daddy have some nice fur-lined handcuffs he wants me to play with?” he asked as he smirked over at Brian, who rolled his eyes at him.  “Does he want me to wear a fur-lined G-string in a leopard print?”

 

Brian’s eyebrows shot up at that statement.  “Don’t give me any more ideas, Sunshine, or we’ll have to take care of some urgent business first.  And I’m NOT – I repeat NOT, nor will I ever be – it’s ‘other’ DADDY.”

 

Justin chuckled softly at the look of disgust on Brian’s face as he examined the belly of the kitten, and then turned it around to look at its ass.  “Well, your ass isn’t as good as mine, so it can’t be that,” he commented.  He was just about to give Brian a look of frustrated exasperation when he noticed a narrow, red collar around the kitten’s neck that had a rectangular, silver-colored tag dangling from it.  “Oh, well at least you’ve got a name,” he commented, almost afraid to see what Brian had come up with for a kitty moniker.  He could only imagine.  He tried, but failed, to brush enough of the long hair away from the animal with one hand to read the tag before finally placing the kitten down on the floor and holding onto it by its collar so he could more readily brush the thick fur aside to see whatever unusual name Brian no doubt had picked out for him.  To his shock, though, it wasn’t a typical I.D. tag – it contained an inscription in flowing script that said instead:  _Will You Marry Us?_

 

_Bingo_.  Brian knew the minute Justin let go of the kitten and stood up to look at him that he had found out what the additional ‘term’ was for him keeping his gift; it was written all over his astonished face and the tears that were springing to his eyes.  The kitten was temporarily forgotten as it scampered off to explore its new surroundings while Justin’s mouth hung open and he stared over at his partner.  “Brian?” 

 

“Yes, Mr. Taylor?  Did you have a question regarding our agreement for you to keep your gift?”  He pursed his lips together in amusement at Justin’s shocked expression but there was no response forthcoming.  “I’m waiting… Are you going to agree to ALL my terms?  Or do I take Woody back to the animal rescue league right now?”

 

Justin couldn’t help smiling as the name registered in his brain, despite his shock.  “Woody, huh?”

 

Brian shrugged.  “Well, it was either that or Cock and Bull, and that would’ve been hard to get on the name tag.” 

 

Justin gazed into his partner’s eyes, wondering what was going through his mind.  Since he had returned from New York City, they had settled into their previous routine together, with the exception that they were now residing at Britin rather than at Brian’s loft. Brian headed off daily to Kinnetik while he remained in his studio, painting.  They went into town frequently to see their friends, shoot some pool, go out to eat, or do some occasional clubbing.  In his opinion, they were even more in love – that hadn’t changed except it had gotten stronger, and their passion for each other was as ardent as ever; simply put, they were _happy_.    But the subject of marriage had never come up since he had returned; besides, it had been his understanding that Brian hadn’t really wanted to go through with their first attempt at getting married in the first place; he always figured he had been doing it because he thought that was what would make _him_ happy.  Justin thought he had convinced Brian that he only wanted what was best for his partner, not him, and that the most important thing was that they were together and knew how they felt about each other.  So what had changed _now_?

 

“I believe that’s the longest I’ve seen you go without saying anything,” Brian observed dryly as he stared back at his partner in amusement.

 

“Huh?”

 

Brian walked closer to the younger man and gently but firmly placed his hands on Justin’s upper arms to focus his attention back on him.  “I’m still waiting for your official acceptance to all the stipulations of my agreement, Mr. Taylor.”

 

Justin placed his hands on Brian’s waist and intently gazed up into his eyes to make sure his partner still wasn’t teasing him somehow; first he willingly brings home a much-abhorred, furry ‘beast’ and now he’s proposing?  Albeit in a rather unorthodox fashion, but one couldn’t misinterpret the tag’s inscription.  He took a deep breath before asking, “Brian… I don’t get it.  Are you telling me this is what you really want now?  What’s changed since the first time?” 

 

Brian lifted his hands to cup Justin’s face tenderly.  “Nothing’s changed,” he stated firmly.  “Well, maybe one thing; I love you more than ever now,” he softly replied, with the typical curled-under lip that always signified embarrassment over having to expose his emotions and his heart to his partner.  Of course, Justin was the only man he had ever done that for – and ever would. 

 

Justin couldn’t help the wetness that rose unbidden into his eyes at the unexpected declaration.  Oh, Brian managed to tell him he loved him from time or time – in the throes of their passionate lovemaking, usually, or periodically when one of them would have to go out of town for their work and they were apart from each other and they were missing each other desperately; he normally could eke out an “I love you” from Brian right after some hot phone sex at least.  But for Brian to state it so simply and unexpectedly make his heart lurch with emotion.  “Brian…”

 

“Let me finish,” his partner instructed gently but firmly; Justin could feel the warmth of his lover’s hands on his skin as Brian softly stroked his cheeks with his thumbs.  “Nothing’s changed about the way I feel about you.  And yeah, we could go on the way we are without an official commitment.  You said before that it’s just a piece of paper; it wouldn’t change anything about the way we feel about each other or what we mean to each other, and I agree with that.  But despite what you’ve told me, I _know_ you, Justin Taylor.  And I know that when it comes down to it you’re still a sentimental little twat.  You _want_ the sappy, romantic trappings that the heteros have.  You _want_ the paper and the rings; you _want_ your family and friends gathered together with us to celebrate; you _want_ the open acknowledgement of what we mean to each other.”  His thumbs continued to stroke the pale skin as he added, “Don’t think I didn’t notice your reaction at Ben and Mikey’s housewarming party when they passed out the Rage marriage edition.  I _know_ you, Justin.  What you wanted was written all over your face.  You wanted what _they_ had.  You still do.”

 

Justin’s hands crept upward to settle at Brian’s back as he admitted quietly, “Maybe.  But just because I might like that doesn’t mean I have to have it.  Being partners means it’s a two-way street, Brian.  And I told you before – I don’t want you doing things because you think it would make me happy if it’s going to make _you_ miserable or change you in the process.”

 

Brian sighed as he leaned in to touch their foreheads together.  He pulled back to gaze into the soft pools of blue.  “You really don’t get it?” he whispered softly.  “I’m not impervious to change, Sunshine.  I can adapt just like everyone else.  And you know what?  I don’t fucking care anymore if I do, because I’ve found out something amazing in the process while you were away.”  He shook his head almost in amazement, not really even believing it fully or understanding it himself. 

 

“What?” Justin whispered in a choked voice.

 

The corner of Brian’s mouth turned up into a tender smile as he stated, “I realized that I _AM_ happy, Justin.  I’m happy when I know that _you_ are.  I’m happy when you’re here with me.  And yeah, I probably could have gone through life quite well without getting married.  But I also know that if it involves _you_ , I don’t fear it or loathe it.”  He slowly stroked Justin’s soft skin under his fingers as he admitted, “It probably means more to you than me, what it symbolizes anyway.  Because my feelings for you won’t change whether I have a ring on my finger or not.   But I WILL do it – willingly – because of you and because I know that’s what _you_ want.  Don’t forget, too – I _kept_ the rings, remember?”  He leaned in to bestow an almost chaste kiss on Justin’s nose as their foreheads touched once more; Justin could feel Brian’s warm breath washing over his face as he added, “Now I’m waiting for the answer to my question, Mr. Taylor.  Are you in agreement with _all_ the conditions as I have laid them out to you?  Are you going to marry us or not?”  As he waited for his lover’s response, he sought out Justin’s mouth to bestow a more passionate kiss on the familiar lips. It would be several seconds and a few moans and pants of pleasure before they at last pulled apart breathlessly. 

 

“Well?” Brian whispered against Justin’s ear as he persuasively began to nuzzle the pale neck with his lips and tongue.  He could hear Justin sigh in contentment, almost a soft mewing sound much like Woody’s but this particular one went straight to his cock. 

 

Justin arched his neck to the side as Brian continued to plunder the tender flesh with his lips; he gasped softly as Brian unexpectedly nipped the skin over his shoulder blade; he knew there would be a mark of possession there tomorrow, but at the moment he didn’t care; both his body and his heart were alive with both exhilaration and joy. 

 

“Justin?”  The sound of their new resident meowing at their feet as Woody rubbed up against Brian’s leg went unnoticed by him as he waited for his lover’s reply to his question. 

 

“Yes,” his lover finally breathed out in a sigh as he nuzzled his cheek against Brian’s.  He reached his hands up to cup Brian’s cheeks now as to gaze into the expressive eyes.  “Yes… I will marry you – _and_ Woody,” he confirmed with a smile before they kissed again deeply.

 

Only the insistent sound of their new family member from below broke them apart several seconds later as Justin turned his head to observe the kitten peering up at him curiously; as soon as their gazes locked onto each other, the feline emitted a soft, plaintive sound for attention.  Justin smiled as he leaned down to sweep the small bundle of fur up into his arms; Brian unexpectedly sneezed as the animal’s fur brushed up against his nose and tickled it. 

 

Justin laughed softly as Brian glared at the offending beast. “Can’t back out now, Mr. Kinney; I’ve already agreed to all of your terms, remember?  You’re stuck with _both_ of us.”  He turned the kitten around to face him.  “Isn’t that right, Woody?” he cooed at the animal.  “He can’t back out of our agreement now.” 

 

 Brian grimaced at the kitten, wondering what in the fuck he had gotten himself into.  As he gazed into Justin’s eyes of delight, however, all he knew was that he wanted to spend the rest of his life making sure this man was happy.  He reached into his pocket for the gleaming band of gold as he plucked it out.

 

He reached over and gently removed the kitten from Justin’s arms and placed it down onto the floor.  He gave it a small pat on its rump to give it a little push forward.  “Go find some catnip,” he ordered.  “We have business.  And _NO_ shitting or pissing on the floor.”  He turned to face his partner.  “Make sure the first thing you do is introduce him to the litter box.”

 

Justin laughed.  “Got it.” 

 

Brian smiled at him as he took Justin’s left hand in his own and slid the band of gold over his ring finger.  He was surprised to feel the beginning of tears in his own eyes, but he was determined not to let Justin know just how much this was affecting him as well.  He looked up into Justin’s face and whispered softly, “Still fits perfectly.”  _You’re perfect…_

 

Justin smiled back at him.  “I’ll try to watch my figure until the real event.”

 

“I’ll take care of making sure you don’t gain any weight until then,” Brian told him huskily.  He whispered in his ear, “I’ll just fuck it out of you like I always do.”  He put one hand under Justin’s chin to lift his face slightly and brush his tongue across the soft lips.  “Let’s let Woody do a little exploring up here and I’ll start on that right now.” 

 

Justin briefly looked down at the gleaming band of metal on his hand, still hardly able to believe it.  But it was there – he could see it and he could feel the smooth coldness against his skin; he could also feel the warmth of Brian’s hand cradling his, so it was definitely real.  He gazed back up into Brian’s eyes and nodded.  “I can agree to that stipulation, too.”

 

Brian smiled as he plucked one more kiss from Justin before taking his hand and leading him toward the door.  “Later,” he said to Woody just before they opened the door and closed it quietly behind them.  Woody stood there and let out one more, soft meow before he plopped down on the floor, right in front of the sunlight pouring down from the skylight above;as he basked in the warmth he decided,  _yes, this was going to be a great place to live_.

 

 

 


	9. A Different Kind of Wedding Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin's friends throw him a wedding shower, while Brian gives him one of his own...

 

_Britin – One Month Later – Justin’s POV_

 

Brian was in one of his ‘rough-sex’ moods this morning as he imprisoned my hands up above my head with one of his larger ones and used the other hand at my back to pin my body against the shower wall; we were melded as if we were one as he rammed into me with more force than I could remember in a long time.  I tried to catch my breath in between thrusts, but they came out more like grunts each time he deeply plunged back in.  Ever since we had started doing it raw, every sensation, every movement was heightened, creating the most intense pain/pleasure I had ever known.    My entire body’s adrenalin was on high alert as I groaned at the amazing feelings pouring over me under his expert touch.  I totally loved these moments when Brian felt the need to possess me so forcefully, body and soul, even though truthfully he had me from that first moment he had walked over to me under that lamp post.

 

“Aaahhh… Brian!” I screamed out loudly as he repositioned his hips behind me and dove back in, hitting my sweet spot at a different, more intense angle this time.  “Yes, God, Yes!  Right there!  Fuck!”  I wasn’t sure exactly _what_ I was saying as Brian continued to pound into me, his dick feeling like some molten, steel rod being poked up my ass; I always was the more vocal between the two of us when we were making love, but this morning as Brian rammed into me like there was no tomorrow, I had no real idea _what_ I was saying or if it wasn’t even intelligible words.  All I knew was that I didn’t want it to end. 

 

I gasped as Brian reached up to grab a fistful of my wet hair and roughly yanked my head back as he continued to plunge his cock deep inside my ass; I felt the sharp sting as he bit down possessively on the tender flesh of my neck marking me as his, and I cried out in response, my cock becoming impossibly harder even though he wasn’t even touching it yet.

 

“Mine,” Brian growled as he licked the wound, his hot, wet tongue creating a path from my neck up to my ear where he nipped at the bottom of my lobe and then licked around the shell, making my body shiver in response.  “You like that?” he demanded to know, his voice echoing off the walls of the shower as the hot, steamy water rained down upon us.  Of course, the question was totally unnecessary because I felt like anyone within a two-mile radius would probably know the answer simply by listening to the guttural sounds escaping my lips as Brian slid his free hand around my waist and shoved the two of us together even tighter as he braced his feet on the shower floor and continued to plunge into me.  I could hear him grunting each time he slammed back in, his balls making a slapping sound as they came in contact with my ass. 

 

  “Oh, Fuck!” I screamed, my throat raw as I felt myself clenching tightly around Brian’s cock and my body crying out for release; I could feel Brian’s dick throbbing inside me, echoing his rapid heartbeat pounding against my back, and I knew from how perfectly in synch we were by now that he, too, was about to lose control and fall over the edge with me.  All it took was for Brian to take his other hand and begin roughly sliding his slick, soapy hand up and down my shaft as he growled, “You’re so fucking hot,” and I promptly exploded, my cum streaming across the shower wall and cascading downward as I sagged afterward like some spineless jellyfish in the strong arms that cradled me against his body. 

 

I gasped for some much-needed oxygen as my chest heaved in and out, feeling Brian’s lips nuzzling my neck affectionately from behind as he held onto me tightly, his hot breath panting against my skin as he, too, tried to regain some sense of control over his own breathing.  For several seconds only the rushing sound of the shower’s water could be heard over our ragged pants until finally, Brian turned me in his arms, his eyes alive with streaks of green and gold, the pupils large and expressive in post-coital bliss as he nudged our foreheads together briefly.  Pulling back, he leaned in to give me a soft kiss on my swollen, well-ravaged lips as I sighed in contentment.  “You okay?” he asked softly, worried that he had been too rough with me as one hand gently crept downward to cup one of my ass cheeks and caress it slowly. 

 

I grinned back at him like a sated Cheshire cat, no doubt wearing a goofy look on my face, my eyes closed in contentment as Brian curled his lips under in amusement. 

 

“I take it that’s a yes,” Brian said with a soft chuckle as I lazily opened my eyes to stare back at his glorious, bronzed face; his skin was glowing from the water droplets reflecting off the recessed lighting above, like millions of tiny diamonds, his hair plastered to his face like some dark, wet bowl, and I thought he had never looked more gorgeous than at that moment as he stared back at me knowingly; he always could read my thoughts without me saying a word.  “I thought maybe I might have been a little too rough on your delicate little posterior.”

 

I laughed softly and shook my head as I placed my hands on his chest and luxuriated in the warmth and strength I found there.  “I feel just fine… _More_ than fine,” I reported dreamily, feeling just a little silly for answering him like some little faggot school kid with a crush; I licked my lips to compose myself before replying, “You realize, though, that you’re going to make me late now for my _real_ shower.”

“But I had to give you my own version of a _wedding shower_ ,” Brian countered, his lips curled under playfully with that little-boy look that was so adorable to me. 

 

I smirked.  “It’s _not_ that kind of a _wedding shower_ , and you know it.”  I grinned mischievously.  “But that being said, this was…”  I shrugged before saying, “Okay.”  I licked my lips playfully.  _Right back at ya, Kinney.._

 

Brian looked indignant as he reached over to grab a bar of his outrageously expensive soap and throw it at me; I deftly ducked just in time to barely avoid it.  “Okay?”  He snorted.  “It was fucking _amazing_ , Mr. Taylor.” 

 

I grinned.  “Yeah…,” I sighed before admitting, “It was.”  It never ceased to astound me after all these years, and how many hundreds of times we had fucked or made love by now, how incredible Brian continued to make me feel.  Brian would probably still deny it even to this day, but I suspect we both knew the reason – it wasn’t just the mechanics of it by now or that we knew every possible inch of our bodies and what we could do to each other to heighten our pleasure; no, it was because it was sweetened with so much deep emotion, so much love, that it made it that much more intense and unforgettable.  Of course, being able to make love without any barriers between us now didn’t hurt, either. 

 

I sighed again, regretting having to leave this man’s embrace so soon, as I reached up to brush some of Brian’s hair back from his forehead with my hand.  “As much as my ass would love to engage in Round Two with your very impressive cock, Mr. Kinney,” I told him as he smirked at me, “I don’t think our hot water is going to hold out much longer.  And I have a different kind of ‘wedding shower’ I need to attend, remember?”  I couldn’t help grinning back at Brian, who seemed to pout at me in response like I was depriving him of his favorite ‘toy,’ which I suppose I was.  “Now don’t go giving me that look – if you hadn’t given me Woody in the first place I wouldn’t have even _needed_ to go to the wedding shower.”

 

Brian snorted as he slowly rubbed circles on the wet skin of my back.  I know what he was thinking without him even saying it:  Wedding showers were for nelly queens and dykes, not Brian Kinney’s fiancé.  Perhaps he was right – it _was_ a little too saccharine for even my sentimental taste – but secretly I was touched by my friends and my mom wanting to celebrate in my joy over my upcoming wedding to Brian, and it wasn’t actually being heralded as a traditional ‘shower’ – more like a ‘celebratory get-together’.  I _also_ knew, though, despite what it was called that while Brian wouldn’t be caught dead participating in such a lesbionic ritual, he didn’t begrudge me attending one if it made me happy.  And sharing in my excitement over our upcoming wedding in two weeks _did_ make me happy – very happy.

 

“Go on then, little wife-to-be,” Brian said sarcastically; I swatted his chest in response as he leaned down to silence my indignation with his lips once more, taking a few moments to nibble provocatively on my lower lip.  I had to push away from him as I felt his tongue snaking inside, ready for some more action.

 

“Stop that,” I chided him as I tweaked his right nipple and Brian rolled his lips under in reaction, smiling that little-boy-smile at me.  “You’re making me horny again and if I don’t get dressed right away I’ll be even later than I already am.”

 

Brian twisted his mouth up almost in another pout, but his hands kept roaming rebelliously all over my back and buttocks as my cock began to rise again to the occasion.  He looked down and smirked smugly.  “Oh, no you don’t,” I told him flatly as I backed away and turned to quickly open the shower door before I lost all modicum of willpower; I yelped as he smacked one of my ass cheeks before I could get away.  I could hear him laughing in that wonderfully infectious way of his as I reached for one of our deep-red, Egyptian cotton bath sheets and wrapped it around my waist, making sure to keep my cock AND my ass out of sight and out of his groping range. 

 

I heard the shower head being turned off a few seconds later and the door banging softly behind me as I walked over to the double vanity to run some water to brush my teeth.  I watched warily in the mirror as Brian walked up behind me, totally naked and looking like some freshly-scrubbed Greek God as he wrapped his hands around my waist and kissed my neck.  “Brian,” I pleaded, knowing if he pushed it I would be unable to resist him, even if I WAS outrageously late as a result; not that that would necessarily be any earth-shattering news to either Debbie or my mother, who were co-sponsoring tonight’s get-together at Debbie and Carl’s house.  That meant it would take me a good thirty minutes just to get into town normally, and I was supposed to be there in fifteen minutes.  I heard Brian sigh in resignation as his lips gently tickled the purplish bruise that he had managed to brand me with in the shower. 

 

“You realize you are forcing me to wear something with a collar now,” I scolded him.  It wasn’t unusual for Brian to pepper me with love bites from time to time, depending upon what sort of mood he was in, but thanks to his little maneuver of possession tonight I would either have to wear something to cover it up or spend most of the night red in the face as I explained what had happened, although I had a feeling the reason would be obvious.  I’m not sure why to this day it made me embarrassed, but I couldn’t help it – it did.  Sometimes the young 17-year-old twink rose to the surface, and this was one of those times.  It wasn’t that I was ashamed of it – it was more like an intrusion into our personal sex life and I no longer felt the inclination to tell everyone about what we did in our private lives anymore.

 

“Mmmm,” Brian murmured.  “A collar – kinky.  You always _do_ look hot in leather.” 

 

I snorted as I quickly brushed my teeth and spit out the toothpaste into the sink, holding my toothbrush under the running water to clean it before replacing in the round, cream-colored marble toothpaste holder nearby.  I turned in Brian’s arms and smiled up at him indulgently.  “You’re incorrigible,” I told him with a grin as I leaned up to kiss his lips once more.  “Now I have to go get dressed.”  I pointed my finger at Brian as he started to follow me.  “And YOU and your dick – you stay in here.” 

 

Brian rolled his lips under and grinned as he held his hands up in a gesture of surrender.  “Oh, no… I wouldn’t want my dick to somehow wind up in your ass accidentally, Sunshine,” he agreed with me as I rolled my eyes and walked toward the master bedroom.  “Go right ahead.”

 

I could feel Brian’s heated gaze on me as I hurriedly threw on my favorite pair of worn jeans and a light-gray, casual linen Armani shirt (with a collar, of course) that he had purchased for me for my last birthday (yes, he finally had given in and actually commemorated it now, along with the obligatory celebratory fuck, of course); jamming my feet into my sneakers and scooping up my keys from the dresser, I turned to leave.  I looked in the mirror above the dresser to see Brian leaning against the bathroom’s door frame, his hands crossed over his chest as he looked at my purposeful antics with amusement; God, he was so fucking sexy, he still took my breath away...  I twisted my mouth up in one corner and shrugged at him, realizing he knew exactly what I was thinking before I turned to leave and called out over my shoulder “Take care of Woody while I’m gone.” 

 

“I wish I could,” Brian deadpanned as I grinned before disappearing out of sight; he understood precisely what I had meant, and it had nothing to do with me.  Despite Brian’s prior, adamant vow previously that he was not going to have anything whatsoever to do with our newest resident, it had only taken Woody about two weeks before I caught Brian softly cooing “kitty talk” to him when he thought I wasn’t around, and a couple of times I had actually discovered him _petting_ him, cradling the ever-growing white ball of fluff in his strong, tanned arms as he softly stroked the feline’s ears and back.  Naturally, when I called him out on it, though, he got all huffy and said I was imagining things and needed glasses, but I knew what I had seen and heard.  And when I noticed new cat toys showing up mysteriously in the studio while I was out, and then a designer cat bed embroidered with Woody’s “initials,” _WTK_ , (good thing Brian’s last name didn’t start with an “F,” although some people thought it did at times) lying in a sunny corner of the room soon afterward, Brian had insisted that he was merely trying to ensure that Woody remained firmly entrenched in the studio where he belonged and out of his hair (translation:  home office); he argued that plying him with distractions and appropriate sleeping quarters would help to ensure that.  I chose to ignore the obvious and play along with him, knowing Brian would never admit that he was actually becoming fond of him.  I knew it was just a matter of time, though, before Woody wormed his way down into the main floors of the house.

 

======================

 

_Brian’s POV_

 

I sighed as Justin walked out of the bedroom with a smug look on his face; when did I become so fucking transparent and predictable?  That description was so painful to my ears.  And even worse, when did I actually become tolerant of a hairy, furball-puking cat?  I’m not even sure when it happened, exactly; after all, the closest I had ever come to being exposed to any sort of domestic pet before was when I won a hapless goldfish at the county fair when I was seven years old.  I had somehow wrangled an invitation to tag along with a friend and his parents to the event, and had proven fairly adept at throwing ping pong balls at those small, round glass fish containers in the midway.  Three throws and a couple of dollars later, I was the proud owner of a goldfish.  Of course, ‘Rusty,’ as I named him, promptly went belly-up three days later when I came home from school one day and found him lying at the top of his bowl, lifeless and floating among the fish flakes I had fed him earlier that day.  At the time I had acted like I didn’t give a fuck – after all, it was just a lousy, 10-cent goldfish – but after that day I decided I never wanted a pet ever again, or anyone or anything else that could break my outer shell of indifference. 

 

That was long before I had met and fallen in love with a certain blond, however, that made me change my mind about a _lot_ of things, including ever owning a pet again.  And now, not only was I (or at least Justin) the proud parent of a big, white, allergy-producing fluff ball, I was also to my horror actually beginning to _like_ the thing.  He just had this way of growing on you; every time I entered Justin’s studio when he was gone, that cat seemed to know I was coming up, because he would sit there and fucking _cry_ until I opened the door.  And it wasn’t because he wanted to escape, although most _normal_ cats would have taken advantage of the opportunity.  No, _this_ cat just stands there, staring up at me with those big, green, feline eyes and letting out another plaintive ‘meow’ until I roll my eyes and pick him up.  I always find it fascinating, though, when he starts purring in response, his whole body vibrating from the effort.  _Kind of like Justin when I’m fucking him nice and slow_ , I thought with a smirk…  

 

I turned and walked over to the window, seeing Justin entering the black, mid-sized SUV that he had purchased about a year ago.  As he got in and rolled the window down, he lifted his gaze to the bedroom window where I was standing and smiled at me tenderly in the way he reserved just for me and me alone; as always it made my heart do a flip-flop as I smiled back at him in return.  A few seconds later, the SUV slowly crept forward in the semi-circle of the driveway and slowly headed toward the street.

 

I turned away from the window and walked over to the dresser, pulling out the top drawer to retrieve one of my favorite pair of stay-at-home jeans.  Sliding them up my long legs, I located the empty shoebox I had stashed under our massive, king-sized bed before I tread barefoot down the hall toward the staircase, snorting as I heard a loud ‘meow’ coming from upstairs.  _Was this cat fucking psychic_?  “Suck on some more catnip, you little shit, I’m coming, I’m coming,” I grumbled as I slowly ascended the steps.  At least Woody was cheaply entertained; I had read somewhere that cats liked simple toys like paper bags to hide in, and even shoeboxes filled with tissue paper; anything that made a crinkling sound and Woody wasn’t any different.  Quite by accident, too, I discovered he liked to chew on plastic straws when I made the mistake one day of leaving an empty paper cup from the town’s deli restaurant in Justin’s studio, lying on a marble window sill; I had walked downstairs when Justin was away to answer the door for a delivery, only to find my paper cup crumpled on the wooden floor upon my return and Woody reclining nearby, his tail swishing from side to side as he chewed happily away on the remnants of my straw.  It was probably then that I decided he wasn’t quite right in the head, but I still found it oddly endearing anyway.

 

I could hear the tinkling of his collar’s nametag (I had added it to the _Will You Marry Us?_ tag shortly after presenting him to Justin) as I approached, along with an even louder, indignant type of meow.  “You’re a bossy little shit, aren’t you?” I said.  “Just like someone _else_ I know.”  I walked up to the door and turned the knob to open it, knowing Woody would be standing right by the door waiting for me.  Sure enough, as soon as I opened it, there he was, looking up at me intently and meowing softly as I shook my head.

 

Placing the box down on the floor, I picked him up, noticing how much heavier he seemed just in the few short weeks he had taken up residence here.  I nestled him in the crook of my right elbow while I stroked him from head to tail with my left, creating another round of soft quite meows in response.  Soon, I could feel the familiar purring of contentment humming along my skin as Woody began to rub his head against my wrist.  “You’re a real suck-up,” I chided him softly.  “Just like Taylor.  Although not in quite the same way,” I chuckled.  I stroked the amazingly soft fur for several seconds before gently lowering the cat to the ground, watching as he weaved in and out of my feet like some circus performer. 

 

“Hey, you’re getting fur all over my jeans!” I gently scolded him, but there was no bite behind my words.  I figured that was what dry cleaners and lint brushes were for; at least it wasn’t something like mud or chocolate or blood or something else that was a bitch to remove.  “Look what I brought you,” I told him as I leaned down and opened the lid of the shoebox to expose the white tissue paper inside.  I squeezed the paper to create a crackling sort of noise, watching as Woody’s ears perked up in excitement.  “What about that?” I asked.  “Just like having your own backroom,” I joked.  “But don’t hold out for any company; NO bringing home tricks for you, stud.”  I scratched behind Woody’s ears briefly before watching him walk warily over toward the box, sniffing it to check it out.  A few seconds, he was like a pig wallowing in mud as he gingerly stepped inside the box and began to joyfully tear the paper to smithereens. 

 

Smiling at his antics, I told him, “Knock yourself out,” before walking over to the door and closing it behind me.  I figured he was good to go now until Justin got home; even though I had relented somewhat on my initial rule to have nothing to do with him myself, my partner was still the main caretaker for him.  I drew the line at handling smelly cat food cans, cleaning out the litter box, or changing his water bowl.  I knew, though, in the back of my mind that it was just a matter of time before Woody’s territory increased from beyond Justin’s studio.  _Maybe he could be a nice barn cat…._ “First a cat, then a twink husband,” I muttered.  “Fuck.” 

 

===========================  

 

_Debbie and Carl’s House – 30 minutes later_

 

“Sunshine!” Debbie greeted me as she flung the door open; she was wearing her customary, cherry-red nail polish, accentuated by matching garish-red lipstick.  But it was her bright green apron with white letters that made me laugh:  surrounding a picture of a large dick with a cock ring encasing it were the words, _He put a ring on it!_  

As I pulled back from her embrace, I smiled.  “I always knew you were a gay man in a previous life,” I teased her as she reached up and pinched my cheek. 

“I’ll be bequeathing this to you when the party’s over,” she told me with a grin.  “I know how much you love to cook… and how much Brian loves to _eat_ your ass,” she cackled as I rolled my eyes, feeling my face warm at her words.  Even now, I could still blush to my consternation.  I figured in some ways I would forever be that 17-year-old kid standing under that streetlamp, no matter how successful I became or how old…

 

As Debbie stood aside for me to enter, not surprisingly I could tell that she and Emmett, who had helped with the planning, had gone overboard; there were navy-blue paper maché bells and matching streamers hanging around the entire perimeter of the living room and kitchen; I smiled at the matching colored sex toys that were hanging in bunches in every corner where the walls met, along with ‘condom balloons’ hanging from the center of the room, right over the coffee table.  

“Impressive,” I said, laughing as Emmett walked up to me and gave me a big hug.  “You found condoms that matched the color of the other decorations?” 

“Well, it took me a while to find them online,” Em confided in me as he handed me a glass of wine from a nearby brass, wheeled hostess serving table and leaned in to whisper in my ear.  “But I knew you didn’t need them for any _other_ purpose now.” 

 

I blushed once more as Emmett waggled his eyebrows at me; after a multitude of whiskey shots at Woody’s one day after Brian and I had become officially engaged again, I had confided in my friend that Brian and I were fucking raw now.   It wasn’t that we were necessarily trying to keep that incredible fact a secret, but on the other hand Brian and I hadn’t really talked about going public with it either.  At first, my partner had been incensed to know that the person he affectionately called _telephone, teleprompter, tell-Emmett_ had been told about something so personal, but after a particularly _long and hard_ ride on a certain impressive cock, I had managed to mollify him somewhat.   And to my surprise, after pleading with Emmett not to broadcast that fact to everyone else, he had apparently kept his word; at least, I hadn’t received any ribbing or questions about it.  Truthfully, I think Emmett was more than just a little envious that Brian and I had reached a point where we were monogamous and could do without the condoms; I knew my sentimental, tender friend well enough by now to know that he wanted the same thing.  Silently, I hoped that he, too, would achieve the same goal one day; he and Cal seemed happy enough and were talking about moving in together, so there _was_ hope that maybe this would be the guy for him at last. 

 

I was spared any additional comment when Daphne and my mother rushed up to rescue me and lead me further into the living room to plunk me down at the place of honor – an overstuffed, velour, beige-and-flowered chair next to Debbie’s crochet-covered couch.  “Sit, Sunshine,” Debbie instructed me as she pushed gently on my shoulders and I did as I was asked; she promptly rushed away toward the kitchen.  “Food first!” she announced.  “We’re doing it buffet style!” she advised everyone.  “Grab a plate!  We’ll get started while we’re waiting for everyone else to get here!”  My former waiter/busboy instincts kicked in as I rose to find a plate; I was promptly corrected, however, as Debbie tutted with one manicured finger, “Uh-uh-uh,” she reprimanded me, “You stay put!”  I sighed as I sat back down, feeling uncomfortable at being waited on but knowing better than to argue with her.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Lindsay and Mel had arrived with Gus and JR in tow; Gus was immediately distracted by a plate of food, while his sleepy sister was placed in a portable playpen in the adjoining dining room, within eyesight of their mothers but far enough out of the way to promptly fall into a blissful slumber, even in light of the animated conversational level occurring as everyone caught up with what had been going on with each other’s lives.  Soon, all the invitees had arrived, including Ben and Michael, and the party was in full swing; as the drinks flowed and the food was consumed, the volume level of the room quickly became louder and more boisterous. 

 

“No, Gus!” I heard Lindsey gently scold her and Brian’s son as he reached up with one chubby little hand in a futile attempt to reach the large sheet cake on top of the counter; the cake, chocolate with Sunshine-yellow icing, had been decorated with a reproduction photograph of one of my favorite pictures, Brian standing behind me with his arms around my waist as we smiled brightly for the camera.  Next to our photo were words written in dark brown icing:  _Save the date – eat a fig,_ along with the date we had chosen for what would be a casual, small, intimate ceremony:  September 8.  I laughed as I noticed someone – Emmett, I suspected – had crossed out the word _fig_ and had written the word ‘ _fag’_ next to it.

 

“Nice touch,” I commented to my friend as I was finally allowed to rise from my chair so I could have my picture taken by Debbie next to the cake; Emmett’s grin was verification enough that I had been right as I smiled for the camera and Emmett tilted the pan at an angle so the masterpiece could be seen better.

 

Thirty minutes later, Gus was happily playing with a couple of leftover condom balloons on the floor as I was presented with the first of my shower gifts.  My mother had purchased a beautiful, rosewood 8 X 10 photo frame and a $100 certificate to a prestigious photography studio so hopefully Brian wouldn’t have any excuse not to get dressed up with me and have a portrait taken together before we got married.  I had been prodding my stubborn fiancé to do just that; even though I had drawn a few self-portraits of the two of us together, we had never actually had an official photo taken of us.  Hopefully this would be the impetus for us to finally get that done.

 

There were two books from Michael and Ben – a serious one about cooking for me with a _Kiss the Cock_ apron, and another one entitled “Gardening in America:  Proper Seeding and Plowing Techniques,” that evoked a loud guffaw from Debbie; Michael had apparently told her about the semi-disastrous housewarming dinner that Brian and I had attended at their home when the odd subject of gardening had come up and Brian had felt compelled to put his own unique spin on the subject. My face turned red as I looked at the title of the book they had found, but I was at least thankful that they had not re-gifted me with the infamous swing that Brian had chosen for their _own_ party.

“Open mine next,” Daphne told me as she looked at me mysteriously; I stared at her warily, knowing what that broad smile and twinkling eyes meant.  My best friend was up to no good.  I took a calming breath, trying to prepare myself for whatever was inside the shoe-size shaped box with the elegant gold and ivory paper and matching, sparkly gold ribbon.  I meticulously slid my fingernail under the wrapping at the end of the box and slid the package out.  It was a metallic, gold-colored box with a lid, just like the paper.  I pursed my lips together firmly as I glanced over at Daphne, who merely grinned and shrugged her shoulders as I carefully took the lid off. 

 

I brushed away the silver tissue paper inside to discover a large, one-pound white plastic tub nestled inside with a bright yellow wrapper; the product was turned face down, so initially I couldn’t tell what it was.  Lifting it from the box, I turned the container in my hand as everyone burst out laughing.  My face turned as red as diaper rash this time as I read the label out loud:  “ _Boudreaux’s Butt Paste?”_ Everyone clapped and hooted in approval as Daphne said, “Read the description!”  I shook my head as I read the information in smaller type below the brand name:  “ _Developed from the Peruvian balsam by a pharmacist, Boudreaux's Butt Paste helps heal broken skin and provides relief for a variety of conditions. Goes on and cleans off easily, treats and protects with a pleasant scent.”_ I smiled wryly over at Daphne, who was giggling.  “Thanks, Daphne… I think.” 

 

“Well, at least you’ll have an adequate supply for the night of your honeymoon, anyway,” Daphne said as I rolled my eyes at her and everyone chortled.  “My friend Denise swears by the stuff when she uses it on _HER_ baby,” she pointed out helpfully.  “And it makes the skin so soft and smooth; and don’t forget the pleasant scent,” she added helpfully, speaking as if she were the official spokeswoman.   She stuck her tongue out at me maturely as I couldn’t help grinning back at her. 

 

“Yeah,” I agreed deadpan.  “I’m sure Brian will just love the baby-powder smell.”  I quickly placed the butt paste on the floor as Emmett handed me another package. 

 

Several seconds later, I sat there, open-mouthed, as I looked at a beautiful, abstract dark-gray marble sculpture of two men standing, their bodies intertwined as one in a swirl pattern as they embraced.  Just like Brian and me, one man was tall and lean, the other one shorter and slim.  Expecting something humorous and probably a bit on the bawdy side knowing Emmett, I turned to him in amazement; I was absolutely enchanted with his gift and was already mentally trying to figure out in my mind where the best spot for it would be at Britin.  My face broke out into a delighted smile as I turned to look at my friend who was sitting on the edge of the couch next to my chair as the other guests oohed and aahed about it.  “Em… This is _wonderful!_ I LOVE it!”  I turned my gaze back to the substantially heavy statue, cradling it in my hands as I kept staring at it mesmerized. 

 

 

“I’m glad you like it, Sweetie,” I heard Emmett reply as I turned and impulsively gave him a hug with my free hand. 

 

“Thank you,” I whispered, my eyes tearing over just a bit at his wonderful gift choice.  I figured the shower gifts today would mainly be humorous ones, which was fine with me; neither Brian nor I really wanted for anything by now and the house was more than fully furnished, so Em’s thoughtfulness was even more appreciated.  He smiled at me and nodded as he gently took it from my hands and laid it back into its protective box, handing me one last gift for me to open. 

 

“This one’s from Teddy,” Em told me.  “He really wanted to come today, but some asshole boss of his sent him out of town on a business trip this weekend,” he said as I grinned.  I tore open the silver and white paper that had _Congratulations_ written in flowing script on it to reveal a medium-sized box in a camouflage pattern inside.  On the end of the box was written in bold, black, capital letters:  _Survival Kit_.  I carefully lifted the flap at the bottom of the box to open it and reveal several items inside:  a compass and a camping canteen for use in case I got lost inside Britin’s massive interior walls, and a set of edible massage oils once I found my way back to Brian’s side for ‘sustenance.’  Last but not least, in a scene reminiscent from several years ago, there was a small box inside that said, “Honeymoon outfit,” which, when I lifted the lid to peer inside, was totally empty.  Everyone laughed knowingly as I stole a glance over at Emmett, wondering if he recalled receiving a similar gift when he and George were leaving for their European vacation, but he simply smiled at me and squeezed my arm as if to say it was all right.  “Ted thought of everything,” I said kiddingly to cover up the bit of awkwardness as everyone laughed and the slightly uncomfortable moment was thankfully forgotten; a few moments later, Debbie sprung up with the announcement that it was time to cut the cake, and I was left alone momentarily with just my mother as the rest of the partygoers rose to go retrieve their dessert.

 

From her place sitting on the other matching chair next to mine, she smiled at me as she reached over and took my hand.  “Well, that was quite a wide variety of gifts,” she commented as I grinned back at her. 

 

“Well, would you expect anything less from this group?” I asked as she laughed and shook her head no.  “I tried to get Brian to come,” I informed her.  “But I’m sure you can guess what his reaction to _that_ idea was.” 

 

She smiled.  “Yeah… I can imagine.”  We sat there in companionable silence for a few seconds before she observed, “You look so happy, Honey.”

 

I squeezed her slim hand before letting it go.  “I am, Mom.  I really am.  And I’m convinced that this is what Brian wants, too, or I wouldn’t have agreed to it.”  I grinned.  “After all, he did get me a cat.  That’s huge.” 

 

My mom laughed.  “Yeah, I have to admit I agree with you on _that_ one.  I never thought I would see the day…”  She smiled at me tenderly.  “But then again, I know how persuasive you can be when you want to be.” 

 

“Hey, I didn’t say anything to Brian about getting a cat,” I protested as she arched her eyebrows at me silently.  “Okay, maybe I did back when we were living in the loft,” I admitted.  “But I never said anything about bringing one to live with us at Britin – that was all Brian’s doing.”

 

My mother grinned back at me.  “Well, we all know that when it comes to you, Brian tends to throw his normal game rules out the window.”  She huffed out a short breath and smiled at me affectionately as she studied my relaxed appearance.  “You do look happy, Sweetheart.  Happier, I think, than I’ve ever seen you; at least if you don’t count that one Christmas when you got your BMX bike from Santa.”

 

I rolled my eyes.  “Mom… I was _nine years old_ when I got that bike!  I knew very well that you and Dad were the _real_ Santas by then.”  She was right, though; I had been so ecstatic when I had seen that shiny, royal blue racing bike – I had been throwing down hints for months about wanting one for Christmas.  And when I saw it perched next to the Christmas tree that morning, I was deliriously happy and wound up spending the entire time outside in the cold, bundled up in my new winter coat as I rushed helter-skelter down the driveway and up and down the cul-de-sac, over and over again, the brisk wind rushing by my face as I rode furiously around the block, showing it off to my friends.  I was frozen stiff by the time dinner came, but I was so fucking exhilarated it didn’t matter.  My mom was right – I _was_ gloriously happy that day, but nothing would ever come close to the feelings I had now.  

 

I smiled a little wistfully, briefly wishing I could go back in time somehow to when my father was actually in my life and proud of me; how I wish I could say that now, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.  “Yeah,” I told her softly.  “That was a great Christmas, with all of us together.”

 

She looked regretful that she had dredged up painful memories as she said, “Justin…” 

 

I shook my head as I heard our friends returning with their cake and ice cream.  “It’s okay,” I told her reassuringly, smiling back at her to make sure she knew I was being honest.  “Really.”  Any more discussion of what was still a painful topic for both of us was interrupted by Gus rushing up to me with his plateful of dessert.  “Choc’ lit, Jus’n!” he proudly announced as he held his plate out for me to see.  I laughed as I noticed smears of brown and yellow surrounding his lips; apparently Gus had already sampled the goods over by the kitchen to make sure they passed muster first. 

 

“Looks good, Buddy,” I told him as I reached out affectionately to ruffle his soft, brown hair.  He held out his fork to me with a large bite of cake on it for me to sample. 

 

“Taste,” he ordered solemnly. 

 

I smiled indulgently as I leaned over to take the confection into my mouth and slide it off the fork, emitting a distinct “mmmm” for him as I relished the sweetness on my tongue.  “Thanks, Little Man,” I told him as he beamed at me.  He turned around and backed up against me as I reached over to help him scramble up to sit on my lap, reaching my hands supportively around his waist as he sat there, holding his small but sturdy, gold-colored cardboard dessert plate in one hand while he used the fork to stab a bite of vanilla ice cream and cake with the other and lift it to his mouth. 

 

I could see the beginning of tears forming in my mother’s face as I held Gus on my lap, knowing she and I were thinking the same thing – how great it would be one day to have a child of my own – mine and Brian’s.  I loved Gus like he was my own son – and I think Gus thought of me as a second father by now, too; but that didn’t mean that I still wouldn’t like to have a little one of from own DNA some day, one that would reside full-time at Britin.  One that I could sing to sleep at night, soothe away his or her fears when a ferocious thunderstorm flashed across the sky, or take with me to explore the wonderful grounds around Britin.  I had confided that sentimental wish to my mother a few months ago, swearing her to secrecy at the time, not even envisioning that one day Brian and I would actually be wed.  But I still couldn’t help imagining the three of us riding horses around the fields and woods of our home, teaching him or her to swim in the in-ground pool, or maybe even grooming a future Serena Williams or Jimmy Connors on the tennis courts.  And the long, winding driveway was just perfect to teach a little one how to ride a bike for the first time.   I twisted up the corner of my mouth as I looked back at my mother, silently telling her that I understood exactly what she was thinking, but also letting her know that if such a decision ever was contemplated, it would only be with Brian’s explicit approval.  I had had enough secrecy in the past with Brian and knew the disastrous results that ensued; I wasn’t about to undertake such a significant step unless he was right there with me. 

 

“Here you go, Sunshine!” Debbie told me as she handed me a plate of cake and ice cream and the introspective moment was broken.  I smiled at the outrageous amount she had piled on top of my plate, but knew better than to protest.  Besides, with Brian not here, it was my perfect opportunity to imbibe in a little high-carb heaven as I placed the plate down on the coffee table directly in front of me and used one hand to hold Gus securely while I succeeded with my other in stabbing a bite of ice cream and cake to bring it up to my mouth.   _Thank God for high metabolisms – and such pleasurable ways to work off the calories,_ I thought as I relished the wonderful, chocolate taste.

 

=====================

 

An hour later, all of the guests had left including my mother, leaving the room looking almost forlorn now in its after-party solitude; only the scrape of utensils and an occasional clattering of a few non-disposable dishes being gathered up could be heard as Debbie placed them in the soapy water of the sink.  I had offered to help clean up but she would have none of it, insisting that as the guest of honor there was no way she was going to have me do any work. 

 

I leaned up against the kitchen counter, watching her a little guiltily as she began to wash the dishes by hand.  It wasn’t as if she couldn’t afford a dishwasher – Carl has offered to get her one years ago – but she still liked to wash them the old-fashioned way, telling me once that it was oddly relaxing to her.  I wondered fleetingly how many revealing discussions had occurred around this kitchen.  Vic, Michael, Brian, me… I wouldn’t even hazard a guess.  I do know that I learned a lot from this ‘other mother’ of mine and would be eternally grateful to her for the support and acceptance she had given me over the years; it was a debt I didn’t think I would ever be able to repay. 

 

“It was a good party, Sunshine,” she said as she scrubbed on a large platter that had held her famous lasagna; every last bite of it had been consumed in no time, leaving just the crusty, baked-on shell around the perimeter.  I walked over to pick up the rooster dish towel threaded through one of the lower cabinet’s handles.  “Come on, Deb,” I cajoled her as she gave me ‘that look.’  “At least let me dry.”  She hesitated for a couple of seconds before she nodded and handed me the rectangular-shaped container, turning her attention to the next dirty dish in the sudsy water as I began to dry it and place it on the dish rack next to the sink.

 

We were finished with what few dirty dishes and utensils there were in no time, since most of them had been the disposable, plastic or cardboard variety.  As I returned a few minutes from lugging the large garbage bag of party remnants out to the backyard garbage can, I spied Debbie coming down from the upstairs floor holding a small box in her hand; it looked like one of those boxes that new blank checks come in, I decided, as I walked over and sat down on the edge of the couch.  I was anxious to get back to Brian to show him all the gifts we had received, especially the wonderful sculpture that Emmett had found for us, and something told me that I would be testing out my new butt paste in short order later tonight, too.

 

I smiled as Debbie walked over and sat down next to me on the couch, still clutching the small, black and white cardboard box in her hand.  “This is for you; one more gift,” she said mysteriously as I looked at her with a frown.

 

“What is it?” I asked as I accepted the glossy-looking container; I could see my previous assumption was correct as I noted the name of a nearby bank on the side of the box. 

 

“It’s a little something from Vic,” she said softly as I eyed her in stunned surprise.

 

“From Vic?”  Debbie’s brother had been dead for some time now; how could this be from him, then?  I idly ran my fingers along the edge of the box, my thoughts concentrated on the older man who had befriended me so long ago.  Despite his illness, Debbie’s brother had readily accepted me in their household when I needed a place to stay, had kidded with me, and helped teach me what it meant to be a gay man, not a kid; I was so grateful that Vic had never really thought of me that way.  Oh, he teased me from time to time – mainly about how I could pack away tons of food in one sitting or about how I tended to zone out on him occasionally (normally when I was daydreaming about Brian), but he never made fun of me or questioned my courage.  In fact, he had often told me that he admired me for how I always doggedly pursued what I wanted and didn’t stop until I had it, whether it had to do with my art or Brian or anything else.  He always encouraged me to enjoy every new experience I could and told me once that he wished he had been more like me.  I think he liked my zest for life and my no-holds-barred approach to whatever goals I set for myself.  Along the way, though, he taught me a thing or too, also – like how to live your life with dignity and how to live every day like it might be your last. 

 

I lifted my gaze and tore my thoughts away from my deceased friend as Debbie nodded with a smile; I could see her eyes glistening slightly in remembrance as she whispered, “Yeah.  He told me once to keep this until you were ready for it.”  She glanced down at the box I was holding thoughtfully.  “I would have laid odds that Brian would have never allowed any man to creep into his heart and lasso it, but Vic seemed to think if anyone had a chance, it would be you.  He could just tell there was something about you that made Brian react differently; _HE_ treated you differently.  Eventually I saw it, too, but I think Vic knew pretty much from the start that Brian didn’t stand a chance against you.”

 

I blushed in response as she explained, “That was very special to Vic; he wore it all the time.  He told me he wanted you to have it.  It’s not the Taj Mahal,” she kidded.  “But I think in light of how far you and Brian have come, now would be a good time to give it to you.”  I noticed Debbie looked a little embarrassed as she admitted, “I really meant to give this to you a long time ago, but frankly I forgot about it after he died so unexpectedly and then with Brian’s cancer and all…”

 

I nodded my understanding as I fingered the lid, finding my hands shaking slightly as I pushed the lid up to remove it.  Placing it down in front of me on the coffee table, I looked inside.  Nestled on top of white jewelry cotton was a simple, interlocking, soft-leather band, medium brown in color, obviously well-loved and supple from being worn for so long.  In the middle of the band was a shiny, brass plate held in place by two matching, round brads that contained one single word in simple script letters:  **_BELIEVE_**.    It was such a simple word but said so much.  It had probably meant something different to Vic – perhaps a belief that he could persevere through his terrible illness and live a long life – but to me it meant that as long as I believed in myself, and believed in my love for Brian, maybe our lives wouldn’t always be a bed of roses all the time but as long as we had each other, somehow everything would work out okay for us.  I took a deep, choked breath before I lifted my eyes to meet hers.  “Thank you,” I whispered as Debbie smiled at me and leaned over to plant a soft kiss on my cheek, wiping the lipstick residue away tenderly with her index finger. 

 

I grinned back at her mother hen action as she said, “Try it on, Sunshine.” 

 

I held the bracelet up in my right hand, draping it over my left wrist as Debbie reached over to help me snap the two ends together; on my slim wrist, she had to use the very last snap button to close it tightly enough to hold together as she leaned back in the couch and I held my hand out to admire how the brown of the leather contrasted against my pale skin.  I loved the simplicity of the adornment, how soft it felt against my flesh, but most of all I loved the idea that I was now the owner of something that Vic had cherished so much.  It was almost as if a part of him was still living with me, providing me the courage to combat my own demons in life.  “I’ll treasure this,” I told Debbie as I reached over with my right hand and lovingly ran my fingers over the brass plate. 

 

“I know you will,” she told me as she reached over and gave my shoulder a squeeze.  “And I can’t think of a better person to take care of it.”  She sniffled slightly before standing up.  “By the way, Emmett took some of the ‘decorations’ home earlier – he said he could make good use of them and then muttered something about you not needing them anymore.”  She snorted, trying to lighten the mood now.  “He didn’t bother to ask _me_ about keeping the dildos,” she muttered as I laughed.  She shook her head ruefully.  “Oh, well – I guess I’ll just have to make do with what we’ve got.”  She eyed me intently before saying, “At the risk of being a poor host, Sunshine, I’m supposed to take Carl a plate of the leftovers to the precinct– he’s working until midnight tonight.” 

 

Even though I was anxious to get back to Brian and show him my ‘stash,’ my manners prompted me to offer, “I can take it over to him if you want me to, Deb.  I’m sure you’re pretty tired after doing all that cooking and planning for the party.”

 

To my relief, though, she shook her head.  “Thanks, Baby, but I _want_ to go; I’m due to start breakfast shift at the diner tomorrow, so it may be the only real chance I get to spend a little time with my love muffin.”

 

I chuckled at the endearment but quickly sobered as Debbie gave me a steely-eyed glare.  “You got a problem with that, Sunshine?”

 

“No,” I quickly told her, stifling a laugh as I, too, stood up, looking around for the cardboard box that Em had packed all my gifts in earlier so it would be easier for me to haul everything out to the car.  “No problem at all.  I don’t think I’ll be using that nickname on Brian anytime soon, though.”

 

She guffawed.  “No, probably not,” she agreed as I walked a few steps over to the chair I had been sitting in earlier and stooped down to retrieve the box with my gifts in it.  I ambled back over to her, placing the box on the coffee table as I embraced her tightly, feeling her arms sliding around my waist and giving it a squeeze briefly before we broke apart.  “Thanks again for the party, Deb,” I told her sincerely.  “It was great.”  I looked down at Vic’s bracelet.  “And thanks for this, too.  It means a lot to me.”

 

She gave me one more kiss on my cheek, again brushing the lipstick away with her finger.  “You’re welcome.  You know you’re like another son to me by now.”

 

I nodded, a lump of emotion stuck in my throat as I picked up the box and headed to the door.  “Brian and I will be sending out the wedding invitations in a few days,” I told her as I reached for the doorknob.  “Don’t forget – September 8.  We expect you to be there – and Carl.”

 

She nodded back as I opened the main, interior door.  “I wouldn’t miss it, Sunshine.  Want me to tell Carl to bring his pistol in case Brian has a sudden change of heart before the ceremony?”

 

I chuckled in amusement.  “That’s okay – I think I can keep him under control until then.  I’ll just withhold what is most near and dear to him – my ass – if he starts to vacillate any before then.” 

 

I gave her a smile and a wave as I opened the screen door and made to leave, hearing her last words filtering outside as I walked out onto the porch.  “But you have to use all that Butt Paste up somehow!”  I shook my head and laughed as I walked down the steps, eager to return to the man I loved.

 

======================

 

_Thirty Minutes Later – Britin – Brian’s POV_

I quickly pushed the drapes closed with one hand as I saw what had to be the headlights of Justin’s car shining into the living room.  “Looks like your daddy’s home,” I murmured to the ball of fur purring contently in my arms.  “Sorry, Furball, time to go back up to that big Lock Up in the Sky.”

 

Almost as if sensing what I was about to do, Woody let out a plaintive, soft meow in response and gazed up at me with his big, light-green eyes.  “Now don’t go starting that _Woe is Me_ shit,” I warned him as we ascended the steps quickly, knowing that it normally only took Justin about one minute from the time he started up the driveway, drove into the garage, and walked into the house before he went to look for me.  I had just enough time, then, to make it up to the third floor to deposit Woody back where he belonged before I risked the possibility of detection.  It wasn’t as if I normally let Woody out of the attic, mind you, but every once in a while when Justin was out of town for any extended length of time and I was left alone in this monstrosity of a house, I found it oddly comforting if Woody and I kept each other company until he got back.  Of course, I was never going to tell Justin that, though; I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of saying _I told you so_. 

 

Just as I thought, no sooner had I gently lowered Woody to the hardwood floor in Justin’s studio and shaken out a few kitty treats into his food bowl than I heard Justin calling out my name as he searched for me.  “Bon appétit,” I said softly as I rushed over to the door and opened it, closing it quietly behind me.  I hurried down the steps to the second floor just as Justin reached the top, watching as he looked around for me.  “There you are!” he said, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement.  “Didn’t you hear me calling you?”  I noticed his face was flushed with happiness for some reason as he stood there with a medium-sized cardboard box in his hands.  _He must have had a good time at his little lesbian hootenanny…_

“Sorry, Sunshine,” I told him as I nonchalantly walked over and gallantly took the box out of his hands; Justin shook his hands melodramatically as if he were trying to regain circulation in them as I explained simply, “I was indisposed.”  Thankfully Justin nodded, assuming I meant I was in the bathroom; of course, I wasn’t going to correct him.   I looked into the box, noticing all sorts of paper gift bags and some boxes jumbled around inside.  “What _is_ all this shit?”

 

Justin smiled as he placed both his hands on my upper arms and leaned up on his tiptoes to give me a quick kiss on the lips.  “Those are for us – wedding shower gifts.  Some will be very useful, trust me.” 

 

He grinned in that way he had that told me this could be trouble.  “How so?”

 

Justin winked at me.  “Come with me to the bedroom and I’ll show you.”  He placed his hand around my waist as we walked toward the massive master bedroom, stopping several steps later in his tracks as he frowned.  “Brian, what is _this_?” he asked, plucking at the dark blue fabric of my long-sleeved tee shirt.

 

“What?” I asked, trying to twist around to see what Justin was looking at so intently. 

 

 

“That shit on your shirt.”  He narrowed his eyes before he looked into mine; I prayed silently that I didn’t look as guilty as I felt.  “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that looks suspiciously like cat fur.  _White_ cat fur.”

 

I laughed nervously.  “Yeah, right, Sunshine.  Woody and I have been bonding while you’ve been gone.  I decided to test how good a mouser he was and took him out to the stables to get acquainted with our other guests out there.  Works wonders when he hasn’t been fed his dinner yet.  Caught a couple of rats and two field mice before I had to pull him off; didn’t want him to get an upset stomach by eating too much fatty protein.”

 

I held my breath as Justin stared at me with a look that either said I was fucking out of my mind or I really _had_ done what I said I’d done.  He narrowed his eyes and bit his lip, trying to determine if I was yanking his chain or not, before he arched one brow in question at me.  “Well, you got that fur somewhere.”

 

I rolled my eyes and sighed as if to admit defeat.  “Okay, what the fuck. I did go upstairs while you were gone just to check on the furball.  I wasn’t sure if you had fed him before you left or not.  Do you know how fucking horrible dead cats smell, especially in this heat?”

 

Justin shook his head.  “Brian,” he complained.  “That’s disgusting.  You had better left Woody in the same shape that I left him in,” he warned, only half-kidding.  I knew how much that darn kitten meant to Justin.  It wasn’t just an animal – it meant a promise to him that I really _did_ want to get married to him, and I would have to guard that fucking cat with my life if I had to.  That didn’t mean, though, that I had to admit that the damn cat was actually growing on me, though.

 

“He’s fine,” I assured him.  “In fact, I just checked on him a few minutes ago.  He was lapping up milk just like you do when you’re fed some cream.”  I waited for the predictable slap on my chest in response, but he surprised by whacking me upside the head like Debbie does.  “Ow!” I growled.  “You’ve been around Debbie too much today!”

 

He laughed then as he grabbed me around my neck with one hand and pulled me down to his face so he could give me a kiss on the cheek with his incredibly soft, warm lips.  He leaned back just enough to stare me in the eyes and exclaim, “I had so much fun tonight, Brian!  Wait until you see what I got!”  He waggled his eyebrows adorably as he advised me, “I brought you home some leftover cake, too.  I thought we could have some _fun_ with that later.”

 

 

I was about to vehemently protest that he knew better than to expect me to indulge in such an outrageously disgusting treat, but the sexy way he hinted at how we might use it later prevented me from saying it.  Instead, I said, “We’ll have to see about that, Sunshine.  In the meantime, haul your tight little ass to the bedroom and we’ll see what we can do with this treasure trove.”  He giggled at me, swaying his provocative bubble butt back and forth intentionally as I let him take the lead and I knew I was safe for now, at least from the probing eyes of Justin Taylor, Kitty Cop. 

 

===================

 

As we lay on our bed an hour later, the humongous jar of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste open on the nightstand and the two of us lying in a marvelous, tangled heap, sticky and sweaty, I reached down and grasped his left hand, twining our fingers together as I brought them up to my mouth and kissed his palm, savoring the salty-sweet taste I found.  “I _told_ you that you looked hot in leather,” I huskily told him as I heard him sigh softly with a smile.  “Looks good on you.”  I admired the way his alabaster skin contrasted so sexily with the darkness of the leather band as I fingered the brass plate on top.  “I do, you know,” I added, the words barely above a whisper.

 

He twisted his head from where it lay on my chest to gaze up at me, his eyes so large and expressive from our just-completed lovemaking.  “You do _what_?” he asked, his nose scrunched up adorably. 

 

“ _Believe._ I believe in you – and us.”  I curled my lips under, a little uncomfortable still with baring my soul, even to this man that I loved more and more each day.

 

He smiled then, one of his trademark, blinding smiles as he craned his neck up just enough to kiss me on the lips firmly before he pulled back and whispered, “So do I.  So do I.”


	10. Shower Me With Kisses

_Might as well tell it like it is - this one's pretty much a PWP chapter while the boys take their honeymoon... Hope you enjoy it - I know THEY did - ha!_

 

* * *

 

 

_Kauai, Hawaii  - A Few Months Later_

 

“Justin… Get your ass down here!  You’ve got to _see_ this, Sunshine!” 

 

As he strained to hear above the noise of the water and the tropical birds, Justin grinned at the atypical enthusiasm he heard in Brian’s voice; it normally took a lot for Brian to get so excited about something.  The view from his vantage point must be even better than his, then, he thought, although as he gazed down at the incredible vista below him, he found it hard to imagine any scenery more spectacular than what he could see.  A gushing waterfall rushed down from dark, erosion-worn, brown rocks to approximately fifty feet below, flowing into a wide, smooth pool of crystal-clear water ringed by lush, green trees and a narrow, pebbled beach.  The arc of the torrential water had created a beautiful rainbow just above it, and Justin’s hand was flying over his sketchbook in a feverish attempt to get the entire magnificent scene down on paper before it disappeared.

 

He stopped long enough to crane his neck above the mossy ledge he was sitting on to try and find out where Brian’s voice was coming from; he had needed to listen closely earlier to hear Brian’s voice above the rush of the water, and now he couldn’t see him anywhere. 

 

Concerned a little for his husband’s safety (wow, that word still took some getting used to!), he placed his charcoal pencil and sketchpad down on the springy ground next to him and, cupping his hands around his mouth to try and make himself heard a little more effectively over the furious flow of the water, he called out Brian’s name.  “Brian!  Where ARE you?”  He bit his lip and frowned when there was no immediate response; where could he _be_?  He stood up and walked closer to the edge, his imagination running a little wild as he prayed he wouldn’t find Brian lying lifeless somewhere below, having done something reckless around the falls.

 

Finally, he heard a seductive, growling sort of dare coming from somewhere below him.  “Come and find me… _Hot Stuff_.”   He let out a huge sigh of relief as he grinned and shook his head.  He figured he had enough of a tentative drawing laid out to forgo any more sketching as he hurried over to the side of the ledge and gingerly began to zigzag downward between the rocks, wearing nothing but his leather flip flops and a lopsided, goofy smile.  Besides, something told him this particular sort of hide-and-go-seek might be even more enjoyable than what he had just been doing… A few minutes later, he arrived near the gushing waterfall, still searching but not finding his wayward husband.  He walked over to peer inside the open doorway of the luxurious, secluded cabin Brian had secured for them for their honeymoon, hoping he must just find a tasty treat lying on their bed waiting to be nibbled on, but Brian wasn’t inside.  Disappointed a little, he turned around to look some more, carefully scrutinizing every inch of their own little private hideaway, but still no Brian.  He frowned; the damn man had to be here _somewhere_ ; he wasn’t in the calm, crystal-clear pool where the waterfall ended, either, and he knew he couldn’t be up top where he had just come from…

 

A flash of epiphany hit him as he smiled; there could only be one other place his elusive, adventuresome, daredevil of a lover could be.  Walking across the grassy embankment around the perimeter of the tranquil body of water, he crept closer to the lower part of the waterfall where a narrow ledge lay behind it; there, standing in all of his glorious beauty and hidden away from view by the water, was Brian, holding his hand out in front of him like a little, inquisitive kid as the liquid rushed over it.  He shook his head from side to side to shake some of the water from his eyes as he turned his head to lock gazes on his husband who was carefully inching his way over toward him.  The loving, boyish smile he gave him made Justin’s heart skip a beat as he held his hand out toward him in a silent request for the blond to join him. 

 

Justin slowly made his way over, having to be careful not to slip on the wet, smooth rock.  He had almost gotten to Brian’s side when his worst fears were realized and he felt himself slipping; a few seconds later, however, he found himself grasped by the wrist and pulled forward to be held steadfastly by a pair of muscular arms as Brian wrapped him in a secure, firm embrace against his chest. 

 

“Better be careful there, Twinkle-Toes!” he chided Justin teasingly, having to speak up in order to be heard over the rushing water in front of them.  He smiled as they gazed into each other’s eyes.  “Isn’t this fucking _great_?” he yelled. 

 

Justin snorted slightly as the two of them looked out onto the water flowing a mere inches in front of their faces. “It’s fucking _dangerous_ , Brian!” Justin yelled back as he wrapped his own arms around Brian’s back, feeling reassured in his husband’s embrace, but still feeling just a little fearful of their slippery location.  He couldn’t help to be amazed, though, as gallons and gallons of clear, ferocious water rushed by them in a never-ending torrent to end at the lagoon below.  “But it IS amazing!” he admitted at him.  “ _YOU’RE_ amazing!” he added with a grin. 

 

Brian curled his lips under.  “I am, aren’t I?” he teased.  Justin licked his lips to sample a brief taste of the water and smiled back at him as Brian’s eyes darkened and dilated slightly in response.  He pulled Justin even closer against him as the mist sprinkled droplets in their eyes, hair and face; their lips came together for the start of what they knew would be a continuation of the numerous kisses they had shared since arriving at their honeymoon destination yesterday afternoon. 

 

The two of them had mutually decided to honeymoon in Hawaii – neither of them having visited the Islands before – but Brian had left the rest of their plans a secret so he could surprise Justin.  He had searched extensively online before finally deciding on their remote, helicopter-access-only luxury cabin tucked away on a privately-held piece of land near Hanalei Bay on the island of Kauai.  The cabin, rented exclusively by them during their two-week stay, was close enough to a nearby, privately-secured beach to walk there for their three gourmet meals a day served to them by the tour’s chef and for frolicking in the waves of the beautiful, blue ocean when the mood struck them, but their comfortably-appointed home-away-from-home in Hawaii was secluded on all sides by the rolling, rocky terrain common to certain parts of the coastline.  It was the utmost in both luxury as well as privacy, and suited their needs well.  For this particular event, Brian wanted the beautiful man currently being held firmly in his arms all to himself – no internet, no phone service, no possible interruptions of any kind.  There would be time enough for industrial-sized headaches and fuckups to fix later when they returned home.  For now, though, as the two of them continued to kiss underneath their own, private waterfall, this was heaven on earth.

 

A large spray of errant water suddenly broke them slightly apart as Justin sputtered in reaction; Brian chuckled at his response as he released him from his embrace and wrapped his arm around his waist from the side.  He leaned in to take a quick nip at Justin’s lower earlobe before he spoke into his ear.  “Let’s go someplace a little less dangerous, Sunshine,” he snickered.  Justin nodded and began to sidle slowly toward the far end of the rocky ledge as Brian tugged on his wrist and shook his head.  “Not that way!” he shouted as he nodded in front of them.

 

Justin rolled his eyes at the juvenile suggestion but smiled and nodded in understanding as they linked their hands firmly together.  “One, two…”  Justin squeaked in surprise as Brian jumped the gun before the count of three and pulled him forward as the brunet laughed and took a flying leap off the narrow outcropping, pulling Justin along with him a second later; the two of them lost contact with each other upon impact, but as Justin’s head and shoulders emerged above water shortly afterward, he didn’t have any need to look for Brian as he immediately felt a pair of muscular arms slide around his waist from the back to lock themselves firmly around him.  He sighed in contentment, knowing he wouldn’t want to be anywhere but where he was at that moment, alone on this Eden on Earth with the man he worshiped and adored – the man he had just _married_.  He felt Brian’s warm, soft lips nuzzling the side of his neck where it always mad him crazy with desire; the added sensations of the warm water flowing lazily around them seemed to heighten his feelings of pleasure as it apparently did Brian’s because he could feel his husband’s blatant proof of that poking him from behind.  He turned in Brian’s arms to place both of his hands around his neck and smile up into the gorgeous hazel eyes; Brian’s hair was plastered to his head like a glorious, dark-brown bowl, accentuating his classic, angular facial features and strong chin and Justin couldn’t help thinking it was sexy as hell.  Of course, Brian was _always_ magnificent-looking, no matter what he was or wasn’t wearing, but right now with the prism of rainbow colors directly behind him shining through the mist of the waterfall, the sun beating down softly on his bronzed shoulders and the tiny beads of water slowly trickling down his handsome face and onto his neck, it simply took his breath away and his heart stopped in his throat.  He was so grateful – so fucking grateful – that of all the men Brian could have chosen to fall in love with, he had somehow chosen _him_.  And now… Shit, now they were _married_.    It was almost too much to comprehend, but it filled him with an enormous sense of happiness. 

 

Brian stared down into the captivating pools of blue that rivaled the clear, sapphire water they were currently standing in; no, he decided, they didn’t rival it – they _surpassed_ it.   Justin’s hair was spiked in all directions from the water, his normal sun-kissed blond shade a little darker from their impromptu plunge into the lagoon.  But as he slowly rubbed his thumbs in lazy circles over the small of Justin’s back, he realized the pale, smooth skin that always entranced him was even more amazing-looking in the tropical sun; tiny droplets of waters beaded on his flesh and glinted in the rays from above, making him even more amazing.  The words flowed from his lips almost as if he couldn’t stop them.  “You are so fucking beautiful, Justin Taylor-Kinney,” he murmured with a tender smile, the white noise from the nearby waterfall now muted somewhat so he didn’t have to yell his response, but he decided if he had to and it would matter to Justin, he would shout it from the nearby hilltops to be heard.  He was rewarded with a blinding smile that made his heart stop and his name being echoed on the perfect lips, almost as if it were a prayer.

 

“Brian,” Justin responded, his heart overflowing with joy as the two of them came together for yet another kiss; their mouths opened almost as one accord as the kiss deepened for several seconds, the warm water slowly lapping against their bodies as the birds continued their song above.  A slight breeze began to rustle, surrounding them with the intoxicating scent of nearby Bird-of-Paradise and yellow Hibiscus flowers growing nearby as they continued to kiss, their hands beginning a secondary exploration of each other’s bodies that they knew so well but never grew tired of. 

 

Without breaking their kiss, Brian’s hands crept lower to firmly cup Justin’s perfectly-rounded ass as he lifted him from the water and the blond’s legs wrapped themselves around his husband’s waist, the contact of each other’s burgeoning, hard-as-steel erections causing both of them to gasp softly in response.  Holding onto each other, Brian slowly plodded over toward the bank as the two of them rose gradually as one from the water.  He tenderly placed Justin down on his back on a thick, royal-blue Egyptian bath sheet placed there earlier in the day as his husband silently spread his legs apart enough to accommodate his longer frame, their eyes never leaving each other’s face.  Leaning over his beautiful lover, Brian supported his weight by locking his arms to either side of the creamy-colored body and propped himself up on his knees in a sort of modified push-up as he leaned down to begin kissing Justin from head to toe, beginning at his forehead and then proceeding to kiss each eyelid, his nose, his red, full, soft, lips, and then the side of his neck, taking a little more time to leisurely lave the still-wet flesh indulgently like a cat licking up cream, just where he knew Justin was the most sensitive.  He could hear the soft pants of Justin’s breath and feel his heart fluttering rapidly like a caged bird as he proceeded lower to swipe the dusky-colored nipple with the flat of his tongue, the sensitive, pebbly nub already wrinkled from being in the water, before he playfully nipped at the tip of it with his teeth and heard Justin gasp in response. 

 

“Brian… God,” the blond hissed in exquisite torture as he squirmed beneath the larger man and their cocks rubbed together; each barely perceptible movement between them made his adrenalin shoot up and his pulse race.  Despite their almost unbearable desire and need for each other at that moment, though, he knew Brian was not going to give him what he wanted quickly enough for his taste.  He knew his husband well enough by now to just know – he was in one of those moods where he was going to tease and taunt him until he was a writhing, helpless mess and couldn’t utter a coherent word in response even if he _wanted_ to.  _Well, TWO could play that game_ …

 

Just as he was about to attack Justin’s other nipple with his mouth, his hands slowly skimming along the ticklish sides of his husband’s waist, Brian was abruptly thrown off balance and found himself beneath Justin this time as the other man lay draped on top of him now, their faces nose to nose as he smiled down at him in triumph.  Justin slid part of his tongue out to slowly lick his lips, watching as Brian’s eyes darkened in response.  His eyes shone back at his love, his heart soaring at the power he held over this magnificent man as he slowly began the same sort of journey that Brian had begun with him a few minutes ago.  He kissed each of his eyelids, and then the tip of the strong nose, then brushed his lips against Brian’s briefly before he plunged in deeply, unable to resist.  He felt Brian’s hands slide around his back to cup his buttocks and push them even more firmly together and couldn’t help the moan that erupted from deep in his throat at the sensation.  He knew if he didn’t get on with it, he would come right there simply from the two of them rutting together like two horny bunnies. 

 

As they finally broke for air, he heard Brian softly chuckling at his body’s inability to control itself, even though he was well past the ‘inexperience twink’ stage now.  “You asshole,” he muttered as Brian grinned.  “You enjoy tormenting me, don’t you?” he whispered breathlessly, barely able to control his heart’s rapid beating enough to speak normally.  He groaned again as Brian responded by poking a long, lean finger at his puckered opening, his body instantly going on alert at what he knew – or at least hoped – was coming up very shortly, that is, if he could manage to control his body until then.

 

Brian curled his lips under as they gazed into each other’s faces; he blinked as some droplets from Justin’s hair fell into his eyes.  “Well, _this_ asshole would very much like to introduce itself to _your_ asshole right now.”

 

Justin laughed at the corny retort.  He adored these moments with Brian when he let himself go and be carefree and playful.  His entire face was relaxed and his eyes were twinkling up at him as Justin smiled down at him.  “God, I love you,” he replied softly before quipping, “Well, we’d better get them reacquainted then.”  He twisted his body off Brian’s to lay beside him on his stomach, his hands under his head like a pillow. He sighed in pleasurable response as he felt Brian’s lips bestow a soft, feathery kiss on his shoulder before he heard him whisper, “No.”

 

He turned his head in confusion to look into Brian’s eyes before he explained tenderly, “I want to see your face.”   His face flushed as he smiled softly in understanding and slowly turned over onto his back, his desire for his husband clearly written all over his face as well as evident by his painfully-hard cock lying against his belly, begging to be stroked and touched.  “Brian…” He whispered out in part plea, part reverence as he wantonly opened his legs on either side of his body, silently urging Brian to join him. 

 

Brian gazed down at the beauty beneath him as he knelt between Justin’s legs, almost overcome with emotion as he reached for a small tube of lube nearby.  The tropical setting for their honeymoon, the incredible scents of the flowers surrounding them, the powerful rush of the waterfall… It was all spectacular and so perfect, but not nearly as perfect as his husband’s body lying splayed out before him and the open look of love and trust on his face.  He felt the sting of tears beneath his eyelids, feeling a little foolish over his sentimental reaction to his husband.  But he couldn’t help it, nor would he deny it any longer.  The days of Brian Kinney, the arrogant, indifferent, perpetual fucking machine were long gone, tempered by an incredible, passionate, intelligent and wonderful man – his equal in every way. 

 

“Brian?” he heard Justin whisper as he hesitated, the tube still cradled in his closed palm.  “Are you okay?” 

 

He nodded his head and smiled softly down at him in reassurance as he leaned down to place his hands on either side of his head.  Justin’s eyes stared at him intensely as he whispered, “I love you, too, Justin Taylor-Kinney.”  As they pulled back from yet another kiss, Justin’s eyes were glistening with tears as well at the unexpected declaration, so rare for Brian even now.  That made the moments where he _did_ say it aloud so special, even though Brian continued to _show_ him how much he loved him in so many ways.  He showed him in how he made love to him, in how he always had his favorite foods stocked at Britin, in how he had not only allowed him to have a kitten but had actually _bought_ it for him, and in how he always tried to provide him with the very best of everything, whether it was art supplies or the ultimate tropical honeymoon. 

 

“Then show me,” Justin whispered to him against his mouth.  _“Love me_.” He reached over to gently pry the tube of lube from Brian’s hand as his husband stared intently into his eyes.   The brunet leaned up to kneel back on his knees as Justin flipped open the tube’s lid and squirted some onto his palm, rubbing it between his hands to warm it before he reached up and slowly grasped Brian’s throbbing shaft.  The brunet groaned in encouragement as he cupped one hand around Brian’s cock and began to slowly slide it up and down to coat it liberally with the gel.  He couldn’t resist using his thumb once to quickly flick the tip, evoking a growl deep in Brian’s throat in return.  That only heightened his own desire and caused his own hardened cock to leak in response; he knew neither of them would last much longer if he didn’t proceed quickly.  As if reading his thoughts, he heard Brian urgently calling out his name. 

 

“Justin…” Brian warned him.  “Fuck…”  He reached down to still his husband’s hand.  “If you don’t stop right now…” He clasped Justin’s fingers to transfer some of the lube onto his own hand before he reached down gently to probe the quivering hole.  It was Justin’s turn to react as he moaned at the initial intrusion. 

 

“More,” he breathed out as he planted his feet firmly down on the thick, plush towel to lift his body slightly off the ground to give Brian greater access.  “More…” he repeated urgently, wanting, _needing_ Brian inside him.   He sighed as Brian slid another finger in and spread them apart to prepare him.  They had made love earlier in the day so he wasn’t quite as tight as he normally might be, but his heart warmed just the same at his lover’s careful preparation of him.  He bucked off the ground as Brian expertly hit his sweet spot once, twice, three times in rapid succession.  “God!  Brian, please…”  He wasn’t beyond sounding needy now – he wanted more, much more.  “Give it to me…”

 

Brian peered into his eyes seductively as he slowly removed his fingers, hearing the blond hiss in disappointment and frustration.  “What do you want, Justin?” he demanded softly, needing to hear him say it. 

 

“ _You_ ,” Justin breathed out, his body on fire.  “I need you… ALL of you.”  He lifted his legs to wrap them around Brian’s waist and licked his lips in anticipation as Brian nodded.  He leaned down to give Justin another kiss, practically bending him in half to do so before he lined up his cock with one hand and slowly slid partially inside the tight, hot, pulsing cavity. 

 

“God, Justin… So fucking tight, so hot,” he huskily replied; it was killing him to not plunge all the way in, but even now, even doing it without the added latex barrier, he was still constantly careful not to hurt his partner.  It took every bit of control, though, not to experience the wonder of possessing this incredible man totally and completely.  “Justin…”

 

He felt his husband’s hand squeeze his thigh in silent invitation that he was ready before he pulled back slightly and then urgently thrust back in all the way now, grunting from the exertion.  He heard Justin cry out in pleasure, his loud moans echoing his own grunts as they began to match each other’s movements perfectly.  Their bodies started to rock together, in and out, in and out, the most intense and exhilarating high both men had ever known, their cries of lovemaking echoing off the valley around them as Justin grasped Brian’s thighs and held on tightly to his lover as his body began to tense up with the signs of imminent climax.

 

Brian felt his husband’s body tightening around him and knew both of them were close, so close.  It simply took him a few sure strokes of Justin’s cock before they both cried out and came together. 

 

Brian still couldn’t believe the rush he got each time he spilled his seed inside Justin; it was so different than emptying into a condom, so much more possessive, so much more intimate, almost like he was marking him as his from the inside out.  Just knowing that there were no longer any barriers between them as he came, and hearing his husband’s cries of ecstasy as he, too, climaxed made him feel incredible.  He collapsed, spent, on top of Justin as he cradled his slender body in his arms, feeling their pounding hearts beating as one and just relishing lying there covering him completely, his skin so warm and alive under him.

 

Justin’s legs dropped to either side of his husband; they ached from the exertion but it was a wonderful sort of soreness.  He felt Brian’s hot seed slowly oozing out of him and flushed at the knowledge of how much power he held over him, how it was only him that experienced this with Brian, now and in the future.  There was no other feeling in the world that was more intense, more personal than when they made love uninhibited by any barriers, and he was finally able to indulge in one of his favorite fantasies – feeling Brian’s cock still inside him, hot and unsheathed, as he fell asleep. He slid his hands around Brian’s sweaty back and just rested them there, savoring the lean, corded muscle he found under his touch. 

 

Brian nuzzled his neck and Justin sighed in contentment as their heartbeats slowly began to return to normal.  Finally, holding firmly onto Justin’s back, Brian turned them so they were lying on their sides, facing each other, his cock still embedded inside his husband.  “That was… fucking incredible,” he murmured with a soft smile as Justin blushed adorably in response.  He loved the fact that only he could still make Justin do that, even after all the times they had been together, and the realization that he was the only one that could invoke that reaction in his husband made him feel special.  _Justin_ made him feel special. 

 

Justin smiled at him, his hands slowly stroking Brian’s back.  He inhaled a deep breath and let it out, trying to return his breathing to a normal rhythm after the incredible high he had just experienced.  He was overwhelmed by the feelings Brian engendered in him, even now, as he gazed into his darkened eyes still wide and expressive from their lovemaking.  “Yes,” he whispered.  “It was amazing as usual… But even more so this time.”  He sighed in disappointment a few moments later as he felt Brian slowly withdrawing from inside him but knowing it was inevitable. 

 

Brian pulled Justin to him and hugged him closely as Justin’s hands came around to lie against their chests.  He slowly rubbed one thumb over Justin’s shoulder as the two of them just lay there companionably, the waterfall’s rushing water slowly relaxing them.  A few minutes later, both men were fast asleep in each other arms, their legs tangled together as they slumbered.


	11. Open Up Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin presents Brian with a difficult decision that will change their lives forever.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Two Years Later – Britin_

 

“Emmett?”  Jennifer called up the stairs.  “You up there?”

 

“Yeah – come on up!  I just finished it!” Emmett called back down to her, his voice unable to contain his excitement.  “It's perfect!" he gushed at her.

 

“I can’t wait to see it!” She responded enthusiastically.  “I’ll be right up!”  She ascended the stairs quickly, turning at the landing toward the left toward a room right next to the master suite.  The room next to Justin and Brian’s room had originally been constructed as a large study when the estate was first built by the original owner, and it still contained opposing walls of built-in bookshelves and a wood burning fireplace as a result, but due to a new need for it, the former imposing, masculine-looking room had been completely gutted and transformed into something else.

 

Even though Jennifer knew her way around Britin well by now – having visited her son’s home numerous times in the past – she found Emmett standing by the doorway as if she still needed directions.  She knew the real reason, though, why he was bouncing with excitement.  She noticed the door to the room was closed, no doubt so Emmett could reveal it in the grandiose way that only HE could do.  She laughed as she walked up him.  “Hiding it from me so you can do the big unveiling properly?” she teased him.  She had gotten to know Justin and Brian’s long-time friend better over the past few months as they had conspired together to prepare Britin for its newest residents.  Justin had told her of Emmett’s talents when it came to party planning and catering, and she had even seen evidence of that during her son’s ill-fated rehearsal dinner, but she admitted at first that she was skeptical that he could be an interior decorator, also.  She had grown fond of this sensitive, funny, over-the-top, flamboyant friend of her son’s, though, and was eager to find out if his creative skills transcended beyond epicurean arenas.  Either way she was about to find out. 

 

“Ready?” He asked, a twinkle in his eye as he beamed at her.  “It’s positively _divine…_ If I DO say so myself,” he said in a stage whisper.  Jennifer nodded eagerly with a smile as he turned the door knob and swung it slowly open.  “Behold the princesses’ palace,” he told her with a sweep of his hand as he stepped aside.

 

“Oh, my God!” she exclaimed with a gasp as she clapped one slender hand over her mouth in astonishment.  “It’s absolutely beautiful, Em… And so lavender!” she teased him, knowing what Brian’s reaction to the unusual color choice would probably be.  Her look of delight, though, was genuine as she swept her gaze around the room.

 

“I know – it IS!” Emmett cried out in glee.  He grabbed her wrist gently and pulled her forward.  “You have to come in to get the full effect,” he told her as he grinned at her pleased reaction; it was precisely the response he was hoping for, because he had tried hard to create a room that would be comfortable for the girls but also fitting for Taylor-Kinney royalty.  The two white, wooden nursery beds were set opposite to each other, with two overstuffed, coordinating chairs with matching ottomans in between, just perfect for fathers to feed their hungry little newborn eating machines.  Instead of the traditional pink color for girls, though, Em had decided to go with a soft shade of lavender-purple, accented with light contrasting shades of light green and beige. Pastel butterflies of every color appeared on the wall as if they were ready to take flight, and a large, deep-pocketed bookcase underneath the window allowed for whatever supplies were needed to sooth a troubled tummy or lull a colicky baby to sleep in the oversized glider rocker that Em had located on the opposite wall from a large window that let in a stream of bright sunlight each morning.

Emmett smiled at the look of wonder and appreciation on Jennifer’s face.  “I left the wall across from the beds bare,” he told her as she nodded, her realtor sense kicking in as she marveled at Em’s sense of fun but functional style.  “I figured Justin would want to paint some type of mural there – in his spare time,” he said with a laugh.  “If he HAS any spare time, that is,” he corrected himself. 

 

Jennifer chuckled.  “Trust me, Em… I had ONE baby girl at the time, and she was more than enough to keep me busy.  _Two_ of them?  I don’t think Justin will be having a lot of extra time to paint a mural any time soon.”  She turned around slowly to absorb every meticulous detail of Emmett’s design.  It was exquisite; a little over-the-top, maybe, in true Honeycutt style, which would no doubt make Brian cringe when he first sees it, but it was still absolutely beautiful and fitting for two little, soon-to-be-spoiled princesses.  She had no doubt that both boys would be pampering the girls, and silently she realized she would soon be willingly doing the same thing.  She wasn’t sure when she had passed the stage from fighting against growing old to yearning to have a grandchild, but once her son had popped up unannounced several months ago at her condo to announce that he and Brian were going to have a child with Daphne as the surrogate, she had been euphoric at the thought.  And the look on her son’s face – he had positively glowed at the news.  She couldn’t remember another occasion when Justin had been so deliriously happy – except perhaps on his wedding day.

 

Her son’s face a few weeks later when he showed up on her doorstop again could only be termed as shell-shocked as he announced to her that not only was Daphne going to have a girl, she was going to have TWO girls.  It seems that Daphne had neglected to mention that twins ran in her family.  _Now she told him_ , Jennifer couldn’t help thinking as she peered sympathetically into her son’s eyes.  Jennifer tried not to laugh at the priceless expression on Justin’s face – it appeared to be a mixture of trepidation and apprehension over just what he – and his ‘donation’ – had gotten himself into and was akin to a deer-in-the-headlights look.  He had muttered something under his breath at the time about hating that phrase _be careful what you wish for_ , because it seemed that he and Brian were going to get it in spades now. 

 

Jennifer could tell, though, that while her son was a little concerned about his inexperience at being a father, inside Justin was doing cartwheels.  He had fallen in love with Jenny Rebecca when she was a newborn, savoring the times when Lindsay and Mel would ask him to babysit her when they went out for the evening.  He gushed about her to his mother afterward, talking about what a wonderful experience it had been, or if he happened to meet her for dinner and was babysitting the child at the time, his face glowed with pleasure at all the coos, smiles, and soft pants of newborn breaths she took while he held her.  She would watch in amusement as Justin would typically let his food get cold while he just sat there at the restaurant, cradling the baby in his arms as he stared down into her bright blue eyes and inhaled the unique baby scent.  So while Justin may have been worried about his ability to know what to do as a new father, Jennifer wasn’t – all she had to do was look at his face to see what a wonderful father he would be.

 

Brian, though, was another matter.  She wished she had been present when Justin had informed Brian of the ‘change in their plans’…

 

* * *

 

 

_Flashback – six months ago – Kinnetik – early afternoon_

 

“Hi, Justin,” Cynthia greeted her friend warmly as he quietly walked into the main lobby of Kinnetik and smiled at her in response.

 

“Hi, Cynthia.  Is the big, bad wolf in?  _Somebody_ wasn’t answering his cell phone earlier.”  Justin bounced lightly up and down on his feet nervously.  He was so anxious to tell Brian his unexpected news; he just wasn’t a hundred percent sure what his reaction would be.  After the shock had worn off at his mother’s house, he had started to warm up quickly to the idea of being the father of twins, but he had had a hard enough time convincing Brian to go along with having ONE child in the house; now there were going to be two.

 

She grinned at him from her desk.  “He’s here – he just wrapped up a meeting with Swanson Technologies Group.  He should be back in his office by now, though.”  Her eyes twinkled as she asked, “Want me to run interference for you first?”

 

“Did he get the account?” 

 

She laughed.  “Yeah; do you have to ask?”

 

He grinned back at her.  “Just making sure it was safe to disturb the genius.  He should be in a good mood, then; I’ll chance it on my own unarmed and unchaperoned.”  She laughed as he walked by her desk toward Brian’s spacious, private office suite, knowing that Justin’s arrival was always a good thing when it came to Brian.

 

Cynthia smirked as he left.  It wouldn’t have mattered whether her boss had obtained the new client’s account or not, because his mood was always elevated dramatically whenever Justin appeared; anytime he showed up Cynthia knew that her formidable, occasional grizzly bear of a boss was about to be transformed into more of a _teddy_ bear.  He couldn’t help it; Justin just had that effect on him.  Of course, Justin tended to have that effect on a LOT of people he encountered; he wasn’t called Sunshine just because of his smile, despite HOW he obtained the moniker originally.  And since he and Brian had gotten married a few years ago, he had changed from mere sunshine to downright brilliance.  The two men who had trod a rocky, sometimes contentious road along the way had finally found a smooth route to follow, and while she knew they would never be some boring, complacent, ordinary couple, they had found their stride since their marriage and she couldn’t recall either man being happier than they appeared to be right now. 

 

Justin felt his pulse quickening as he neared Brian’s office; normally it was simply because he knew he was within close proximity of his sexy husband and couldn’t wait to get his hands on the gorgeous man.  Just knowing that was typically more than enough to have his libido kick in and his body to go on alert, even after all this time.  What could he say?  The man was still devastatingly handsome even now; in fact, he seemed to be one of those men who had been blessed with just the right kind of genes to help him become more and more captivating as he aged.  His face had attained this wisdom and classic elegance that still made his heart do flip flops.  Every day he thanked his lucky stars that he had been the one under the streetlight that day when Brian had gone searching for his next ‘conquest.’  How glad he was that he had turned out to be so much more in Brian’s eyes, because the man had stolen his heart from the moment they had met and had never given it back (thank God).

 

As he approached the door of Brian’s office, however, he had another reason for the hammering in his chest.  It had taken a while to get Brian used to the idea of hearing the pitter-patter of feet, hungry wails and burping around the stately halls of Britin.  At first, Brian had looked at him like he had morphed into a PTA mother just at the mention of a baby in their lives, but he had managed to wear him down after a while; at least, that was the way that _Brian_ had explained it.  Secretly, he was actually convinced that Brian hadn’t needed that much persuasion at all.  Oh, this was certainly much different than asking if they could have a cat roaming the halls (Woody by now had firmly ingratiated himself into their lives, even to the point where Brian was actually giving him free rein throughout the rest of the residence, except for his own office, of course), cutting into the centuries-old roof so he could install some much-needed skylights in his attic studio (he had put in three total), or installing a retractable awning on the back of the house over the rear patio overlooking the swimming pool (actually, that had been easiest of all, because Brian was constantly harping on him not to be in the sun too long for fear he would get skin cancer). 

 

No, all of those requests had been met with initial but fleeting resistance.  Asking Brian if they could bring a newborn _child_ into their home was quite another matter.  He had initially donned the tried-and-true approach – he had made sure he was well-lubed, horny, naked and ready for his man on their king-sized bed when Brian had come home the next day after he had first broached the idea with Daphne. Of course, his husband had neglected to tell him that he would be bringing home a guest to discuss business over drinks out on the back patio – Tulip Bankhead, the CEO of Elegance Cosmetics.  First of all, who in the hell named their child _Tulip?_   He had heard of Daisy, Rose, even Lily.  But _Tulip?_   He had to admit, though – she kind of _looked_ like a Tulip – tall and slender and all closed up emotionally on all sides, shiny on the outside but dark in the middle, at least personality wise.  She was about as bubbly as a stock market analyst the day after a crash.

 

Brian had gotten the unfortunate idea of entertaining the cryptic, no-nonsense woman at their home, having gleaned from some extensive research regarding her that she preferred that sort of approach over being taken out to some exclusive restaurant.  He also knew how persuasive and charming Justin could be (he definitely couldn’t argue with that), but it would have been nice for the man to have told him about his plans before he brought his potential client to their home and caught Justin with his pants down – literally.  At least he had had the decency to come looking for him alone, having chosen to provide his guest with some wine and an invitation to wait for him on the back patio while he searched for him.  Little did the prude of a woman know that she had missed out on quite an interesting sight upstairs as she had sipped on her drink out on the back patio while Justin had gotten dressed and reluctantly joined Brian downstairs to greet their guest.

 

Justin sighed; that had been one of the longest nights of his life.  Not only had the woman wound up being insufferably boring, but the entire time he kept thinking about the question he urgently needed to ask his husband.  Somehow he didn’t think that he could just open up the conversation along the lines of “could you pour me another glass of wine, and oh, by the way, I want Daphne to carry my baby” and just slip it into their casual conversation.  No, he had been forced to plaster on a cordial smile and nod politely at the woman’s incessant diatribes on all the inequities in the world before finally, having gained her business at last, Brian had arranged for his personal driver to pick her up in the company limo and drive her back into town for her trip back to Atlanta later that evening.

 

Finally, only after the woman had left and they were alone together in their king-sized bed, _both_ men now naked, horny, lubed, and more-than-ready to do what they did best was Justin able to tell Brian what his innermost wish was – to bring one of his own children into the world and raise him or her there at Britin with Brian as the other father.  He had initially thought about waiting until _after_ they had made love – after all, that normally put Brian in a really good mood – but he finally decided he couldn’t wait that long; he had to know if Brian was even remotely agreeable to the idea first or he would worry about it the rest of the night.  He thought back now to that nail-biting time….

 

* * *

 

 

_Several weeks earlier…_

 

Brian frowned as Justin gently nudged him to turn onto his side to face him on the bed with a serious look on his face; as he gazed into the beautiful eyes, he could tell he was troubled about something.  Normally, any time Justin and he were in bed, naked and staring into each other’s eyes, the LAST thing either man wanted to do was _talk_ , unless you counted grunts and moans as verbiage.  They did their best communicating with their bodies.  But every once in a while, Justin got that _look_ , the look that said _I need your support, I need your love, I need you to go outside your comfort zone for me._ The look that usually meant he was about to do precisely that, but the look that also meant he would do it – for Justin and Justin only.

 

“Brian…” Justin begun softly as he reached out with his right hand to tenderly brush some of Brian’s brunet hair away from his eyes; Justin wasn’t the _only_ one who had let his hair grow out a little longer.  Brian was always hinting that he needed to get himself to the hair salon to get a trim, but Justin was so mesmerized lately by the sexy, wanton, bad boy look that he had practically begged him not to do it and he had reluctantly agreed, even though the tousled, somewhat unkempt look seemed out of place with his designer suits.  It appeared that Brian wasn’t the _only_ one, though, who loved to play with their husband’s long hair, and it gave Justin a convenient part of him to hold onto as Brian fucked the living daylights out of him in their bed, and Justin seemed to derive an inordinate amount of pleasure out of playing with it in the shower, too, as they kissed deeply in between actually using the cubicle for its typical intention.

 

Now, as he stared into those endless, ocean-blue eyes, he tried to peer deep inside them to see what was lurking in his husband’s active little mind.  He knew until they discussed whatever he was so absorbed with they couldn’t move onto the more pleasurable aspects of their evening and as usual his body was craving some beautiful blond-boy ass.  “Why do I have a feeling we’re about to have another one of our profound, intellectual discussions, Sunshine?” he murmured teasingly as he reached out with his own hand to lightly caress Justin’s shoulder and his hand slowly feathered down his upper arm, the skin still just as smooth and unblemished as it always was.  He felt Justin shiver slightly in response as he looked at him lovingly – he was only kidding him; he actually enjoyed talking to the man who had a way of challenging him and making him look at things so differently than he normally would.  Justin grounded him and was very much his equal in so many ways.  “What is it?” he said softly with a small smile, trying to lighten his husband’s pensive mood.  He watched as Justin bit his lower lip thoughtfully, though, apparently working up the courage to say what was on his mind.  That was a somewhat worrisome sign, Brian thought, because when he did that it normally meant he was about to say something that Brian might not care for; any other time Justin would be bursting at the seams to talk about whatever was on his mind.  Brian figured if there was a Guinness world record for non-stop talking without taking a breath, Justin would win it hands down.  While he would never tell the man he loved, though, he actually found it endearing and highly amusing. 

 

Justin took a deep breath and let it out, his heartbeat still fluttering merely by the touch of Brian’s skilled hand.  Brian had the most incredible way of touching him with just the right amount of pressure – hard and rough when he was craving it, or like now – smooth and light, reassuring.  “Brian…”  He licked his dry lips, finding himself suddenly uncomfortable broaching such an important and controversial subject.  He calmed himself by remembering that Brian had never thought he would ever be a part of Gus’s life, but he had.  One look at the angelic, beautiful miniature of himself, and Brian had fallen irretrievably in love.  He had turned out to be a wonderful father just like Justin thought he would, and Justin was confident that he would feel the same way toward HIS biological child, too.   

 

“Justin?”  Brian was beginning to get a little more concerned now when he didn’t get an immediate response; he had noticed Justin had seemed a little preoccupied lately, but he had merely figured it just had to do with his husband’s next art show being held next month in Philadelphia. He always turned more introspective the closer a major art show approached.  “Spit it out, Sunshine.  You know you can tell me anything.”  And he meant that; he no longer tried to hide his emotions from Justin – there simply was no need to now – this man knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.  His hand slowly traveled down Justin’s arm until he reached his husband’s hand, their fingers twining together automatically as Brian brought them up to his lips to kiss the pale knuckles.

 

Justin nodded.  “I know,” he replied sincerely.  He swallowed and took another deep breath before he began innocently enough, “I had lunch with Daphne the other day.”

 

Brian stared into Justin’s eyes; this wasn’t going to be about catching up with old friends – he knew this was his husband’s way of beginning what he knew would be some serious discussion after a much lighter preamble, but he decided to wait it out until then.  “How is the little doc doing?” 

 

Justin smiled.  She was fine – very healthy.  Daphne had always been so much more health-conscious than he was, anyway, and that was going to be important in the months ahead… “We had a nice, long talk.  She’s doing fine.  She’ll be heading off to med school next fall.” 

 

Brian nodded with a smile; he had always liked Daphne – like him, she always told it like it was and didn’t pull any punches, whether he wanted to hear what she had to say or not.  She had always been such a staunch advocate of his and Justin’s relationship.  Somehow she knew what was best for him, too, even when he didn’t want to admit it.  He respected Daphne for the way she had always stuck up for Justin, also, as his best friend; that was rare nowadays.  Mikey was perhaps the only other person he would put in that category.  “And just what type of ‘fascinating’ topics did you discuss?  Me?”

 

Justin smiled at his husband’s question as he placed his free hand, palm down, on Brian’s bare chest, feeling the warmth and the firm heartbeat beneath his touch.  “In an indirect way, you could say that.”  After all, what he was about to propose would certainly impact both of them.  His face turned more serious as he began to introduce what he really wanted to talk about.  “Brian, I know we have never really talked about this…”

 

_Uh, Oh – I don’t like the sound of that…_ “What?” He asked cautiously.

 

“You know how much I love Gus…”

 

Their hands still intertwined together, Brian placed them on his chest together as Justin’s fingers curled around his palm to grasp his hand.  “Justin, of course I do!  Now just tell me what you’re really trying to tell me so we can move onto some good, old-fashioned fucking…” He curled his lips under in that little-boy look as he tried furiously not to jump to conclusions. He couldn’t help remembering, though, another time years ago when he had said something similar and that had turned out to be one of the worst periods of his life – a period when he almost lost Justin for good.

 

“Brian…” Justin replied softly as he swallowed hard.  _God, why was this so hard to say?  Maybe because I’m scared shitless about what his reaction will be_.  “I had to check with Daphne first, to make sure she would do it.”  He slowly raised his eyes to stare into his husband’s, seeing a mixture of curiosity and increasing irritation there.  Brian was normally very patient with him, but even he had his limits, and he could see he was fast approaching them.  He soon found out how right he was.

 

A mixture of exasperation and apprehension crossed Brian’s face as he growled, “Justin… Just fucking tell me what’s on your _mind_!  What the hell are we talking about?”

 

_Here goes nothing…_ Justin took a deep breath and let it out as he simply said, “About having a baby.  _Our_ baby.” 

 

Brian blinked as he felt Justin’s hand tighten in his anxiously.  “Excuse me?”  Surely he must have heard that wrong, but something deep down told him that he hadn’t.  “Baby?” he choked out, the word coming out a little garbled.  He couldn’t deny how great Justin was around Gus, and that Gus loved him deeply as a second father.  And he knew Justin felt the same way; he loved watching the two of them together – his own very special ‘men.’  It filled him with joy and did crazy things to his heart as he observed the easy, warm rapport they had with each other.  It was as if fate had conspired to bring the two of them together on that eventful day when Justin had named him; it was as if their lives would forever be twined together.  That was certainly how he envisioned it.  Did he have any more room for someone else, though?  Did he even _want_ another child in their lives? 

 

“Brian?  Did you hear me?”

 

“Yeah, I heard you,” was the terse reply as he came back to the present, his eyes downcast as he tried to consider all the ramifications of what Justin was asking him.  It wasn’t exactly a huge surprise that Justin was wanting a child; in fact, he figured it was inevitable eventually, because he had seen how Justin was around children.  If Justin thought HE turned into someone completely different around Gus, Justin positively glowed around Gus and Jenny Rebecca, and any other child they happened to encounter. He was always cooing to them and wanting to hold them as he softly sung to them and smiled down at them tenderly. Yes, he knew eventually he would have to probably confront this issue, but why _now_? 

 

He lifted his gaze to look over into Justin’s worried eyes.  He pursed his lips together in thought, still trying to digest this unexpected topic of conversation.  Did Justin realize what he was asking him?  He adored his son – he could never think of life again without Gus, just like he could never live apart from Justin again – but another _child_?  A full-time child here in this cavernous house?  Both he and Justin worked hard to succeed at their respective jobs, even though Justin spent more time at home in his studio now and Brian had a home office to use occasionally when he didn’t want or need to make the half-hour trek into town.  But a helpless, needy baby?  That would impact everything – their home life, their sex life, their finances, their freedom.  They would forever be bound to another individual who would need them for years to come.  And the world was getting fucking crazier by the day.  He worried enough about Gus growing up amidst the chaos around him; how would he handle Justin’s child having to deal with the same issues?  He loved Justin deeply, and would do just about anything for him, but this?  This was in a whole other plane by itself. 

 

He sighed softly in indecision.  “Let me get this straight; you want Daphne to be a _surrogate_ for you?  Is that what you’re saying?  You want to bring a child here to _live_?”

 

Justin swallowed at the somewhat harsh tone to Brian’s voice.  But he had waded into the deep end and it was up to him to try and swim back out – unless he drowned first.  “Yes,” he verified softly as he took his free hand and brushed his fingers against Brian’s lips gently, almost reverently before cupping his hand around one bronze cheek.  “More than anything.”  He couldn’t quite explain it – the feeling had been growing stronger and stronger by the week.  He could almost understand now how women felt when they were unable to have a child due to some medical issue, because he almost physically ached with the longing to have a part of him to share with Brian.   He couldn’t quite understand or perhaps explain it properly to himself, so how could he explain it to his husband, then? 

 

He stared into Brian’s eyes as he said, “Justin… I admit I could certainly see you as the father type – it’s almost like you were _made_ for the job.  But you’ve just gotten more firmly established as an artist and we’re finally at a really good point in our lives.  Things are going so well for us now,” he said as he reached up with his other hand to capture Justin’s in his.  “We’re able to be together full time now and enjoy being alone.  And while I’m not sure I ever really thought of myself as preferring to live out in the boondocks, I really _like_ living here – with you.  Why upset the apple cart when everything’s going so well?  Why now, Justin?  Why not later?”  A sudden thought occurred to him; surely Justin wouldn’t…. “She’s not already pregnant, is she?”  He fervently hoped that Justin wasn’t telling him this after the fact.  Surely after everything they had been through the past few years, they had both learned the value of being honest with each other.  But when it came to having a child, perhaps that mandate somehow fell through the cracks.  “Justin?”

 

“No, of _course_ not!” Justin answered with a huff.  “You know I wouldn’t do that!”  His eyes flashed at Brian’s.  “Shit, Brian!  You really think I’d do something like that without asking you first?”  He tried to pull his hand away from Brian’s in anger, but his husband held firm. 

 

“Now don’t go getting your Calvin Kleins in a knot,” Brian told him soothingly, still in a state of semi-shock over what Justin was asking of him, but not so much that he didn’t take a brief moment to appreciate the captivating look of petulance on his husband’s beautiful face.  “I was just making sure.”  He let out a breath and sighed as his thumb lightly stroked over the soft flesh of Justin’s hand.  “Justin… It’s just that this is not what I envisioned for us right now.  What is the hurry?  Are you afraid your queer biological time clock is about to run down?  I certainly don’t see YOUR testosterone level decreasing anytime soon.”  In fact, as much as Brian hated to admit it, his little blond fucking dynamo was threatening to overtake him when it came to stamina anymore; as much as Brian willingly took advantage of every opportunity he had to make love with Justin, and they undertook that pleasurable activity several times a week, his husband could probably keep going like the Energizer Rabbit long after his own, still-impressive endurance had been depleted. 

 

“That’s not it,” Justin whispered back at him.  “It’s… It’s hard to put into words,” he struggled to explain. 

 

“Well, try, because I’m not understanding this urgency at all.” 

 

Justin sighed; he wasn’t quite sure he understood it, either.  “I know,” he admitted softly, somewhat mollified by Brian’s explanation and feeling a little guilty about being so defensive; after all, he was asking a lot of Brian.  This would impact BOTH of them in untold ways for the rest of their lives… “I’m not sure I can explain it myself,” he admitted.  “I know it’s asking a lot…”

 

“Justin!  That’s a fucking _understatement_ if I ever heard one!  It will affect every part of our lives!  This isn’t some babysitting job where we watch a child for a weekend and then give him or her back!  This is a life-long commitment!”

 

Justin scooted forward in the bed to sit up with the headboard behind him as he pulled his hand out of Brian’s grasp.  He heard Brian issue a frustrated huff before he, too, joined him.  “Don’t you think I KNOW that, Brian?  Why do you think I’m talking to you about it before I DO anything?  I know this involves both of us, just like raising Gus does.”

 

Brian turned his head to look into Justin’s eyes.  “It’s not the same, Justin.  We don’t have Gus on a full-time basis.  And we can pick and choose what days he comes to visit.  If it’s not a convenient time, we just reschedule it.  With a child full-time, you won’t get that option.  It’s a 24/7 deal.  And what about Daphne?  How much involvement would she have in this child’s life?”

 

“We talked about that,” Justin told him softly as he averted his gaze and looked straight ahead at the fireplace.  Placed right in the center of the ornate, dark-colored mantel made out of walnut was a large, 11 X 14 portrait of Gus, the child that had crept into Brian’s – and his – lives and had firmly remained there.  Did Brian only have room for one child there, however?  “She would be able to watch him or her grow up, but she would sign all of her parental rights over to you and me and would be more of an aunt to our baby.  When he or she got old enough and wanted to know about her, we would tell him or her.” 

 

“Just like that.  You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?”  Brian wondered if he really had any part in this decision at all; it seemed to him that Justin had already made up his mind.

 

Justin’s eyes flashed in anger now.  “No, I _don’t_ have it all figured out,” he said icily as he brushed one hand through his hair.  “Why do you think I’m _discussing_ this with you?  Do you think I would do any of this without your approval first?”

 

“Honestly?  I don’t fucking know.  It sure seems like you’ve thought this through thoroughly enough for someone who hasn’t made up their mind.  And you still haven’t told me what the damn rush is to do it in the first place.”

 

Justin felt his blood pressure rising.  How did their conversation escalate to this level?  It had gone from concerned to curious to contentious within minutes.  “Brian, when does _anyone_ decide to have a child?  They don’t follow a preordained schedule!  You talked about our careers; well, both of them are doing just fine now!  I’m living very comfortably off my art and if you make any MORE money it will be bordering on _obscene_!  How much more do we need?”

 

Brian twisted his upper body and swung his legs around to stand up; he turned around to face Justin as he said, “This isn’t about _money_ , Justin!  It’s about our personal freedom!”

 

Justin huffed, “Our _personal freedom_?  Is that what it is?  Do you feel trapped, Brian?”

 

“Don’t turn this around on ME, Justin!  You know that’s not what I mean!  After all, I agreed to _marry_ you!  You know I don’t do anything I don’t want to do!”

 

Justin crossed his hands over his chest.  “THAT’S for fucking sure!  Although that sounded suspiciously like I somehow forced you into it!  Well, now at least I know what you don’t want to do most of ALL!”

 

“Shit, Justin!  For fuck’s sake!  Don’t turn my words around!  I didn’t say I _never_ wanted to raise a child with you!  I’m just not sure now is the right _time_!”  Brian brushed his hand through his hair restlessly. 

 

Justin turned in the bed and rose quickly to stand on the other side from Brian.  He yanked his jeans and briefs up from the floor where they had been discarded haphazardly previously and angrily shoved one leg and then the other into them before jamming his feet into his sneakers.  He retrieved his pull-over, long-sleeved cotton shirt and threw it over his head as Brian sighed heavily.  “Where are you _going_?”

 

“I don’t know.  Anywhere but here.”

 

“Justin…”  It didn’t take much to sense a major queen out coming.

 

“Don’t worry… You’ve made yourself perfectly clear, Brian.”  Justin huffed out as he turned to go.  “I won’t bother you with this again.” 

 

Brian scooted out from around the bed and moved to follow him.  “Justin, don’t be so childish!”  He reached out to grasp Justin’s arm but the blond yanked it angrily away.

 

“That’s an ironic word to use!” Justin snapped at him.  “Just leave me alone!”  Before Brian had a chance to say another word, he tromped out of the room and rushed down the hallway toward the steps.

 

“Oh, that’s a real grownup way to discuss things!” Brian called after him as he exited the room and hurried to keep up with him.  “Just run off now!”  He paused at the landing as he watched Justin stomp down the steps on the way to the main floor, his heart heavy with dismay.  “Justin, come back here so we can discuss this like two mature ADULTS!” 

 

Justin twirled around, his blue eyes flashing and his hands on his hips.  “We’ve already established that only one of us is an adult, so that would be impossible, wouldn’t it?” 

 

Totally exasperated now, Brian stood there with his mouth open in frustration as Justin stared at him a little longer before he trudged determinedly down the hallway toward the kitchen. A few seconds later, Brian heard the door going out to the garage slam as he sighed; he knew any second now he would hear the garage door going up and sure enough, the telltale sound of the heavy, steel door being raised by the remote control could be heard a few seconds later as Justin started up the car in the garage.

 

“Damn it, Justin,” Brian growled as he sighed in frustration.  NOW what the hell was he going to do?  More importantly, what did he WANT to do?  Was he dismissing the idea of raising a child with Justin outright?  Now or forever?  “Shit,” he muttered as he let out a heavy breath.

 

He stood there a moment before he finally turned around to head back toward the master bathroom, turning the shower head on to impatiently wait for what seemed like an eternity for it to heat up. 

 

Sticking his hand under the pulsating stream to make sure it was finally hot enough he stepped under the water and let it sluice over his body, trying hard to let the tension go.  His thoughts, however, remained in turmoil over what he and Justin had been discussing and he couldn’t get it out of his mind.  It wasn’t just regret over him and Justin parting so abruptly and having angry, hurtful words, although he DID regret them; no, he found himself vacillating over just how much he was opposed to raising a child with Justin now.  Would it be that bad?  Yes, it would be a major disruption to their lives.  Yes, it would take a lot of money and time to do it.  Yes, it would cut into the freedom they had now to go where they wanted, when they wanted, although their work schedules also impacted that.  Yes, it would definitely affect their sex life, too, although babies slept a lot once they developed a set schedule, didn’t they?  And there were intercoms to constantly monitor for any needs the child might have during the night, so it wasn’t as if they would have to let the child sleep in the same room with them.  It wasn’t as if they didn’t have the money, either – thanks to Kinnetik and some sound financing, he couldn’t envision that ever being a problem.  And they had loads of room at Britin – too _much_ room, actually; it would take them forever just to remodel and furnish every room in their house, let alone the separate carriage/guest house located out back.  And he had to admit – he loved seeing Justin with a child – he adored the look of delight and fascination that always appeared on Justin’s face as he held a baby, cooed to it, and even sung softly to it.  He had never even realized that Justin could actually sing until he had overheard him crooning quietly to Jenny Rebecca one day at the house when he had been asked to babysit her.  He had been astounded that Justin could even carry a tune, but there he was –singing some childhood ditty that his mother had sung to him when HE had been a baby as Jenny Rebecca softly snored in his arms and he rocked her gently back and forth. 

 

His heart had melted at the domestic picture of Justin with her; and now his husband was craving the same opportunity with one of his own.  Brian slowly lathered his body as his mind mentally weighed all the pros and cons, tallying up all the good and bad points in his head.  Finally, ten minutes later and his mind made up, he emerged from the shower and quickly dried himself off with a towel from the warming rack before he walked purposefully into his and Justin’s bedroom suite to hunt up some clean clothes.  He had a husband to go find.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_One Hour Later – Pittsburgh – Wrap-it-Up Deli_

 

Daphne eyed her friend sympathetically from her place across from him in the black, vinyl seat of the deli’s booth; Justin had his head in his hands as he stared down dejectedly at the black-and-white Formica top of the 50’s style diner and sighed. 

 

“I’m not really surprised,” Justin whispered softly as he raised his head to peer over at her, his eyes filled with unhappiness and disappointment.  “After all, Brian’s never really pretended that he wanted to be a full-time father anyway; why should I expect anything less?  Why didn’t I talk to him about this before we got married?  I guess my head was in the fucking clouds at that point that I didn’t even think about it.” 

 

“Now, you’re not being totally fair here to Brian,” Daphne chided him.  “He might not be able to be a full-time father but when he IS with Gus, he’s a terrific one.”

 

“I know,” he conceded readily enough.  Brian WAS a wonderful father to Gus; that was part of the reason why he felt that they would both be awesome dads to his biological child, too.  Brian might not have had any good role models at all when it came to being a good parent, but he somehow seemed to have an undeniable talent for it.  His entire demeanor and face transformed into something tender and loving whenever his son was around; it had been like that from the first moment he had laid eyes on that tiny little bundle, and it was still that way to this day.  Why couldn’t Brian feel the same way about HIS child, also?  “I was hoping he would be the same way with ours, too.”

 

Justin jumped slightly as his cell phone rang just then – again.  It was the fourth time it had rung in the last hour, and he knew who it had to be without even looking at it; _Brian_.   

 

“Justin,” Daphne sighed.  “Aren’t you going to answer it?  At least tell him where you are and that you’re okay.”

 

“You’re taking HIS side now?”  Justin was incredulous. 

 

Daphne idly played with her silverware to make sure she wasn’t going to say something wrong before she replied calmly, “This isn’t _about_ taking sides here!  This is a BABY we’re talking about, Justin, not a new car!  And as much as it pains me to say it, Brian’s right.  Neither one of you should be jumping into this without giving it a lot of thought.  This is a big responsibility – for both of you.”

 

“I thought you had agreed to do this for me,” Justin replied indignantly, still miffed despite Daphne’s even tone of voice that she seemed to be backing down.  Was his best friend AND his husband against him now?

 

“I did – I STILL do,” Daphne reassured him as she reached over to take Justin’s hand and squeeze it.  “I know how much you want this,” she whispered to her friend.  “And while I admit the thought of having a baby – anyone’s baby – kind of scares the shit out of me, too, I’m still willing to do it for you.  But Brian has to be onboard with it, also, you know that.” 

 

Justin sighed heavily in resignation.  “Yeah… I know,” he admitted glumly.  “I guess I just didn’t realize until lately how much I want to do this.  And I couldn’t really even explain to Brian why now feels like the right time but it does.  You’ll be in college next year, and then who knows what will happen?  I’m ready for this, Daphne.  I know I can do it.”  He smiled over at Daphne fondly.  “You’re the only woman I would think about doing this with, you know – I mean the artificial way,” he added a little embarrassed.  “I want her to have your determination and your spunk.”

 

Daphne chuckled.  “ _Her?_   You’re making a lot of assumptions here, Justin.  It could very well be a HIM, you know… That is if Brian agrees to it.”  She watched her friend’s face fall as she added, “You wouldn’t do it without his approval, would you?”  For a moment, she was afraid that Justin’s quest to be a father would outweigh everything else, even his commitment to and his deep love for his husband. 

 

“No,” Justin answered at last as he gazed out the window before he turned back to face his friend.  “I love Brian.  Always have, always will.  I will abide by whatever he decides.  That doesn’t mean I still won’t be extremely disappointed, though.”

 

“Justin, he didn’t say he would NEVER consider it,” she reminded him gently.  “He has some legitimate points, don’t you think?”

 

  “I guess,” he admitted softly.  “It just hurts, that’s all.  Daphne, I want this child so much.  There’s just something about holding that baby in your arms, knowing that you’re their everything, that they depend on you to take care of them, to nurture them, and to keep them safe.  I _want_ that, Daphne… And I was hoping that Brian would want to share that with me, too.”

 

“Maybe Brian does,” was the startling reply as Justin’s heart sped up at the familiar voice.  He turned his head to see Brian standing next to the booth, his eyes boring into his.  Their gazes locked on each other for a few moments silently and Justin licked his dry lips nervously before Brian curled his lips under and smiled over at Daphne.  “What’s up, Doc?”  he asked politely with a grin. 

 

Daphne offered him a genuine smile of her own.  Despite their occasional differences from time to time, she always knew that Brian cared about Justin deeply, even when he was too gun shy to admit that he loved him.  And she knew without a doubt that his feelings for her best friend had only deepened over the years.  She had no doubt that they would work out their current dilemma, too, before too long.  In fact…

 

She scooted over on the booth and stood up as Justin’s eyes widened in alarm.  “I think I’d better get going,” she replied, reaching down to snag one more quickly-cooling French fry from her plate.  Their earnest conversation had resulted in neither of them really having much of an appetite, even Justin.  She knew he was too upset to really eat or his hamburger and fries would have been gone a long time ago.  “I promised my mom I’d stop by the grocery to pick up some things on the way home and it’s getting late.”  Actually, it was a 24-hour grocery, but she wasn’t about to tell Justin that.  Some things were just left best unsaid.  “Call me,” she urged her friend as she nodded over at Brian.  With a small smile of encouragement, she placed one hand briefly on Justin’s shoulder before she grabbed her check for her meal and walked determinedly over to the cashier, not looking back for fear she would see Justin silently beseeching her to stay.  She knew this was one discussion that had to be private and just between the two boys.  Silently praying that they would work things out, she hurriedly paid for her meal and quietly walked over to the exit door to leave.

 

Brian slid into the seat that had been previously occupied by Daphne as Justin softly asked, “How did you know where I was?”  After all, he had purposely been avoiding Brian’s calls.  Yes, it had been childish, but he had found himself in no mood to keep going over their differences.  He needed time to calm down first. 

 

“Well, I think you conveniently forgot about the GPS system on your phone, Sunshine,” Brian reminded him.  “Fortunately, you’re always so good about taking your phone with you, or I might have been traversing the entire city of Pittsburgh until midnight or beyond trying to find you.”

 

_Shit_.  Justin had forgotten that Brian had purchased a new cell phone for his last birthday, along with an additional option that contained GPS technology to track his movements.  At first he had resented the implication that Brian needed to know his every whereabouts; it smacked of distrust on his part.  But when Brian had admitted that he had done it out of a sense of wanting to keep him safe and for his OWN peace of mind, Justin had relented, actually finding it rather sweet.  This time, though, it had proven to be his downfall.  So much for evading the husband until he could gather his thoughts a little more. 

 

“Okay, so you found me,” he countered, his blue eyes staring back at him defiantly.  “What do you want, Brian?”

 

Brian risked rejection by reaching over to clasp Justin’s hand, relieved when he didn’t yank it away outright; maybe they were finally making some progress.  “What do you THINK, Sunshine?  We didn’t finish our conversation earlier.”

 

“I thought it was definitely finished,” his husband replied testily, trying hard to ignore the feeling that Brian’s touch engendered in him, even when he was angry.  _Damn the man_.  “You made your feelings quite clear on the matter.”

 

Brian sighed, feeling like they were going round in circles.  At least the deli wasn’t overly busy, but it wasn’t the most optimal place to discuss such a serious subject as raising a child together.  “No, we’re far from finished with it, actually, but I don’t think this place is the best environment in which to talk about it.  Can we at least go back to the loft and talk about this in private?  Please?”

 

Brian didn’t often use that courteous term to anyone, so Justin at least knew he was being sincere.  He finally nodded as the two broke their grasp of each other’s hands and he scooted out from behind the booth.  “Okay,” he agreed softly as Brian rose to join him.  He gathered up his bill as he felt Brian’s hand lightly resting on his lower back; he tried to ignore the affectionate gesture as he walked slowly over to the cashier station to pay the bill.

 

He followed Brian’s ‘Vette back to the loft, wondering what was going to happen.  Was there anything else left to say?  It was obvious what Brian’s opinion was in the matter, so what was the point?  It would just inflame the issue even more.  He bit his lower lip as he flipped on a random radio station, finding the smooth jazz station that he found somewhat soothing for his frayed nerves.

 

He noticed Brian standing near the front stoop on Fremont, waiting for him to arrive.  He quietly got out of his SUV and walked over to stand next to Brian, their eyes meeting silently for a few seconds before Brian unexpectedly leaned down and kissed him softly and tenderly on the lips for just a moment.  “Let’s go inside,” he whispered as he punched in the security code and opened the door for them to enter, a frown on Justin’s face appearing at Brian’s actions. 

 

The ride up in the elevator was an awkward one, both men standing side by side against the back of the cage, their hands clasped behind their back as they braced themselves against the wall.  Brian wanted badly to say something to continue their previous conversation, but this wasn’t the place.  Instead, somehow it seemed fitting that they would wind up back in the place where it had all begun as he swung the elevator door up and walked over to the loft he had kept in his possession for occasional sleepovers when he was too tired or busy to return to where he thought of as home now – Britin.  He swung the heavy metal door open, noticing a slight musty smell from non-use as he entered it.  It merely drove home for him how things had changed so much since his cavalier, indifferent days as a one-man fucking machine.  It wasn’t something that he regretted, though, because he was actually more fulfilled and happy now – all because of the man walking in hesitantly behind him. 

 

“Drink?” Brian asked as he walked over to the fridge.  Despite not using the loft very much anymore, he still made sure his cleaning lady kept it tended to on a regular basis and stocked the refrigerator at least with bottled water and some beer.  Except for a few condiments, though, the rest of the fridge was pretty much empty.  Justin shook his head silently as Brian, too, decided to go without and instead walked over toward Justin to reach for his hand.  “Come on, then – let’s go sit down and talk.”

 

Justin curled his fingers around Brian’s hand as the two of them walked over to the couch together, the scene so hauntingly familiar.  He sat down slowly on the end of the couch as Brian chose to sit next to him rather than at the far end.  He noticed that Brian also kept hold of his hand as he turned his body to face him.  “We need to finish our conversation, Justin,” he stated softly but firmly.

 

“I thought we already had,” Justin said stiffly as he swallowed hard. 

 

“No, we didn’t,” Brian countered.  He sighed.  “Justin, this is a big decision – for both of us.  It wasn’t something you could just throw out at me and expect me to answer you right away.  I needed time to thoroughly think about what you were asking of me. This will be a huge decision for us, a life-changing decision for us, and it will make a huge difference in our lives.”

 

Justin bit his lower lip with his upper teeth before he let out a pregnant breath.  “I know that, Brian,” he said softly, resigned to the inevitable.  He frowned, however, as he realized something.  “You said _will_. Was that just a slip of the tongue?” 

 

Brian shook his head, almost unable to believe what he was about to say.  “No, it wasn’t a slip of the tongue.”  _Little shit always DID have excellent hearing._  “I thought long and hard about our discussion, ever since you so indelicately stormed out after your major queen out.”  Justin began to open his mouth to protest Brian’s take on their argument just before Brian promptly placed his free hand over the full lips to stop him.  “Hear me out, Mr. Taylor.”  He noticed Justin still struggling to speak as he clarified, “All right, Taylor-Kinney.”  He noticed the beginning of a smile curve upward on Justin’s lips as he smirked back at him.  “I gave it a lot of thought.  And I admit at first it scared the shit out of me, the thought of having a baby around 24/7.  I’m still not sure I’m ready for that, or if this is even the right time,” he verified.  “But,” he added as he shook his head again in incredulity, unable to quite believe what he was about to say.  “The idea of having a smaller version of you running around the house at full-speed, eating me out of house and home and leaving his or her toys scattered everywhere, just waiting for me to break my neck on, does have its unique type of charm, I suppose.”  As Justin’s face slowly broke out into a delighted smile, he reached over to feather the hair at the back of Justin’s neck; THAT was the look he was missing, the look that always melted his heart.  Somehow he had a feeling that soon, someone ELSE would be doing the same thing despite his reservations.  He pulled Justin’s face to within mere inches of his own as he whispered, “As long as you promise that I can eat your ass in between the baby’s own feeding schedule, I guess I can get used to hearing the pitter patter of tiny little feet around Britin.”  He took a breath before adding, “And it if will make you happy, then, shit… I guess it will make ME happy, too,” he conceded softly just before their lips came together for a deep kiss.

 

As they finally pulled apart several seconds later, to his surprise Brian noted a troubled look of doubt in Justin’s blue eyes.  “What?” he asked softly, as his thumb lightly caressed Justin’s cheek.  “I told you I’m okay with this, Justin.”

 

“Are you sure, Brian?” his husband whispered back to him, his hands wrapped lightly around Brian’s back as they faced each other, their knees touching now.  “I need to make sure.  I meant what I said earlier; if you’re not a hundred percent behind this, I’ll wait.  I will wait as long as I need to… Because I _love_ you.  I want a child – OUR child – but we’re in this together.  I don’t want you to do something that you will regret somewhere down the road.”

 

Brian continued to caress Justin’s cheek before he replied, “I’ve seen how you are around Gus and JR, Justin.  No one could be a better father than you.   You have a special way with kids; they just seem to gravitate to you, and you’re so gentle with them.  I know you’re going to be a great parent, despite your asshole father.  And I can’t think of a better man than you are to bring a child up in this crazy world and teach them the difference between right and wrong and love and hate.”  He smiled softly at the blue eyes staring back at him so wide and expressive, Justin’s face glowing in excitement.  “I actually think I just might enjoy this new adventure with you.  And I think Gus will be totally psyched when he finds out he’s going to become a big brother.” 

 

Justin’s eyes watered at his husband’s heartfelt words.  Most of all, he was extremely touched by the fact that Brian would think of his biological child as a young brother – or sister – to Gus.  He was extremely honored as well as grateful for this man’s love and faith in him, as well as his willingness to move outside his comfort level and become a second father to his child.  “Brian… You make me so happy,” he choked out as Brian gave him a lopsided, tender smile before they leaned in together to give each other another deep kiss, Brian gently pushing Justin back down as he lay on top of him lengthwise on the couch. 

 

“Well, in that case why don’t I pretend you’re Daphne and we can try and make a baby right now?”

 

Justin laughed in joy, not bothering to point out the obvious as the two of them proceeded to do just that.   “Sounds like a plan,” he said with a grin as Brian took hold of his hand and eagerly pulled him toward the bedroom, their lips coming together for a deep kiss as he walked Justin backward toward the elevated room containing their much-used and cherished king-size bed.  Brian had once told Justin that he would rather cut off his arm than do without their bed and he had meant it.  He was relieved that he had never followed through on his idea to sell the loft during his financial struggle.  Justin had actually been right – the bed and the loft were so much more than a structure and pieces of expensive, designer furniture – it was the place where he had met his soulmate and the only man he had ever – and _would_ ever – fall in love with.  It held so many memories – some not so good, but some very, very good – and it would have been a shame to have parted with it.  Soon, though, they would be making some very special memories in their _new_ home at Britin, and he amazingly felt okay with that.  In fact, he was MORE than okay with it. 

 

His arms slid around Justin’s slim waist as they continued to kiss, walking deftly over toward the bedroom.  They had danced this dance so many times before in the past, they could almost do it in their sleep by now as they approached the couple of steps into the bedroom.  They stepped up almost of one accord as they entered the elevated space and proceeded over to the bed, Justin’s back to it.  Justin’s hands were urgently unbuttoning Brian’s navy-blue dress shirt and had it open in record time as Brian released his husband just long enough to drop his arms and let the silky fabric slide down his tanned shoulders and flutter to the hardwood floor below.  Their eyes locked on each other, mirror pools of lust and love as Brian repeated the same ritual for Justin, pulling the hem of the blond’s long-sleeved shirt over his head and tousling the blond hair.  Brian loved Justin’s messy, long hair and kiss-swollen lips in moments like this; the outward, physical evidence of his husband’s desire for him was sexy as hell and made him even harder every time.  “God… so fucking beautiful,” he couldn’t help murmuring as Justin’s face flushed at the attention and Brian ran his hands lightly over Justin’s shoulders and down his arms to grasp him near the elbows.  Normally, he would shove Justin down firmly but gently onto the bed, but for some reason he didn’t want to do that this time.  Instead, he pulled down Justin’s loose-fitting chinos (would the man ever get tired of wearing them?) and his briefs to free his husband’s burgeoning cock and his gaze lingered appreciatively on it as Justin’s eyes lowered almost shyly while he tugged off his shoes and socks to pull the rest of his clothing completely off and discard it in a heap on the floor. 

 

Now totally naked, Justin slowly lifted his eyes to meet Brian’s, whose eyes were almost a black, coal-colored shade of desire.  He reached over with slightly-trembling hands (why did Brian still have that effect on him, even now?) to unbutton and unzip Brian’s pants, surprised to find him going commando.  “Brian…” he chided him, knowing the reason why.

 

Brian curled his lips under and shrugged.  “Why waste time?” he asked as Justin grinned back at him and proceeded to pull Brian’s dark-gray pants down his long, lean legs, his gaze lingering on the leaking, purplish cock that sprung to attention under his eyes.  He licked his lips in anticipation, knowing if he lifted his eyes at that moment he would see Brian with that knowing smirk on his lips that made his own heart go pitter-patter, kind of like the same type of sound that soon they would be hearing from their own child’s tiny footsteps on Britin’s polished floors.  Oddly, the notion that they should put runners up in the hallways so their child didn’t risk falling crossed his mind at that moment before he concentrated on squatting down to pull Brian’s pants the rest of the way down and taking his tongue on a brief journey of pleasure around Brian’s cock, starting with a flick on the tip and lapping his way down the impressive length of it like some juicy lollipop.  He smiled as he was rewarded with a loud groan of appreciation from above; Brian twisted one hand almost violently in his hair as he reached down to pull Brian’s shoes and socks off his feet and divested him of the rest of his clothing in record time. 

 

As he stood up, they made love to each other with their eyes briefly, silently sealing their bargain from earlier, as Brian took Justin in his arms and gently, tenderly lowered him to the bed to drape his long form over the smaller one.  It was almost too much to bear as their cocks brushed against each other, urgent evidence of their desire, as Brian brushed back some hair from Justin’s forehead and smiled down at him.  “Now doctors say it can take several times before the wife becomes pregnant,” he huskily joked.  He smiled down at Justin, who rolled his eyes and promptly smacked him on one of his ass cheeks.  “Hey!” he growled mockingly.  “Watch it back there, or I’ll have to punish you for your impertinence.”

 

Justin snorted.  “Oh, really?” he asked in that same tone of voice he had used that first morning when Brian had done the same thing to him in the shower.  That had literally been thousands of showers ago now, but each one with Brian had been as good – if not better – than the first.  Brian’s brows shot up as Justin promptly smacked him on his other cheek and grinned up at him like a misbehaving child. 

 

“Hey!”

 

“That’s the same cooperation you’ll probably get from our _child_ , too,” Justin responded with a smile.

 

Now it was Brian’s turn to roll his eyes.  “What did I let myself get talked into?” he groaned.  "TWO of you against ME?  That’s terrible odds.  I think I’m doomed.”

 

Justin’s smile got even wider, almost blinding Brian with its intensity as his heart did a flip flop in reaction, just like it always did.  “But what a way to go,” Justin told him as he placed his hands on either side of Brian’s head and pulled it down for a toe-curling kiss that lasted several minutes.

 

Brian deliberately ground his cock against Justin’s as he heard a loud moan in the blond’s throat in return before they finally came up for air.  Time for teasing and make-believe was quickly forgotten as Brian got down to some serious, lovemaking business as he proceeded to kiss, bite, and suck on every available part of Justin’s upper body – his ears, his neck, his shoulder blade, the rounded, soft, fleshy part of his shoulders, and his upper arms, leaving the sensitive, pebbled nipples for last as Justin held onto his head almost like a lifeline while Brian ravaged him tenderly and emitted soft, whimpering sounds of exquisite torture which was always music to Brian’s ears and made him even hornier.  He smiled against Justin’s skin as his mouth opened to suck on one perky little nipple hardened by his ministrations as the thumb of his other hand circled the other neglected nipple over and over, instantly becoming hard and firm under his touch as Justin squirmed at all the sensations flooding through him. 

 

“Brian…” he almost begged for release, and the man hadn’t even touched his cock yet – at least not with his lips or his hands.  Merely wriggling his own hard-as-steel cock against his, though, was making him go crazy with the need for climax.  “God, please…” he begged as Brian continued to lap around Justin’s left nipple and then promptly bit down on it as Justin arched off the bed in response.  His lips tickled against Justin’s skin as he heard Brian chuckle over his accomplishment. 

 

“Just Brian will do,” he snarked as Justin smacked him on the butt again.  “What did I tell you about that, little boy?” he growled huskily as he lifted his gaze to stare into Justin’s face.  Justin did not appear at all contrite to him, though; in fact, he seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.  “You’re just opening yourself up for more torture.”

 

“I like being opened up,” Justin replied as he smiled and licked his lips playfully, even though he was horny as hell by now. 

 

“Very well, then,” Brian replied before he honed in on Justin’s cock and promptly latched onto it with his hollowed-out lips.  He smiled against the musky/sweet smell of Justin’s skin as he felt an immediate reaction underneath him as Justin once more tried to buck off the bed, but a pair of strong hands firmly held his lower body prisoner by his thighs.

 

As he proceeded to fuck Justin with his mouth and felt him now twisting his hand in extreme frustration in his hair and heard him issuing those unique, wanton, desperate sounds that always flew from his mouth at times like this, Brian let go of his prize just in time to prevent Justin from shooting down his throat in release.  He chuckled as he heard a loud groan of resentment from above and lifted his head to stare into a couple of dark-blue, almost angry orbs.  “I _told_ you I would have to punish you,” Brian chided him as he used his hands on Justin’s waist to slither up his body, taking care to stop briefly as their cocks once more brushed against each other; he could feel Justin’s pre-cum leaking profusely against his belly as he frogged up the soft, warm skin of his husband’s body and felt Justin’s heart beating rapidly under him like some caged bird’s.  

 

Finally, they were face to face as he peered into the beautiful, flushed face; Justin’s pupils were large and expressive, indicating his lust-filled state and his impatience.  Brian thought his lips didn’t quite look ravaged enough yet as he swooped in for a deep, bruising kiss just before Justin could utter another irritated retort of frustration.  Brian managed to catch his lips in a parted state as he quickly thrust his flattened tongue inside to do some deep-sea exploring in the wet recesses of Justin’s mouth.  He heard another groan deep inside his husband’s throat and felt him writhing beneath him as a moan of his own erupted at the feeling of their hard-as-rock dicks rubbing against each other.

 

Knowing his willpower was quickly running out as well, he ended their kiss with a quiet popping sound as, never taking his eyes off his husband’s, he extended one hand over to grab the tube of heating lube gel from the top of the nightstand.  He felt Justin’s hands groping everywhere they could reach, bestowing gentle caresses down the center of his sweaty back, his shoulders, and his chest – anywhere they could find exposed flesh.  As he pulled up to kneel between the now wide-open legs of his lover, his heart lurched at the sight, just like it always did.  Nothing would ever take his breath away like this man did; well, almost nothing.  The only thing he could imagine ever coming close was seeing Justin’s – and his – child for the first time, and he found himself almost unable to wait to see just what sort of features developed from Justin and Daphne’s union.  He would be thankful and satisfied with whatever child they produced – the child would be special no matter what he or she looked like – but silently he hoped for a child with golden, sun-streaked hair, long, lush eyelashes, a pert button nose, and a smile that never quit. 

 

His eyes continued to stare at Justin’s face as he silently squirted some of the gel onto his throbbing, purplish cock and then reached down with his middle fingers to do the same to the puckered opening, hearing the slight hiss of discomfort escape Justin’s lips at the initial intrusion.  He still found it amazing that after all this time Justin could still be so tight – so tight only for him – and it always made him feel loved, special and very, very horny, especially since there were no longer any barriers between them.  He looked questioningly at the blond, who smiled slightly in reassurance and nodded as he licked his lips in anticipation. 

 

He shook his head as he felt Justin smack his ass one more time and then actually pinch it.  “Cut that out,” he warned him as Justin merely smiled innocently.  “YOU’RE the bucking bronco here, not me.”

 

“Yee haw,” was the saucy reply.  “Come on, stallion – show me what you got.”  Justin obediently placed his legs around Brian’s waist and locked his ankles together as he reached up to pull Brian down closer.  “Fuck me, Brian,” he entreated huskily, his willpower and self-discipline long evaporated.  If Brian didn’t fuck him this instant, he was going to shoot all over his pretty little bronze chest, and that was NOT how Justin wanted to climax.  After they had started doing it raw, every time was like the first time all over again.  He used his surprisingly strong legs to also pull Brian down toward him.

 

“Hold your horses, Tex,” Brian teased.  “So greedy and hot for me.”

 

“Only for you, _Daddy_ ,” was the sexy reply as Justin’s heartbeat raced in anticipation.  “Always.”

 

_Shit._ The way that Justin called him “Daddy” instantly put his libido on overdrive; he had never considered how sexy a word that was until now.  That was all Brian needed to hear, because he knew if he didn’t plant his cock inside this tight little ass pronto, he was going to come all over Justin’s belly like a school kid; how this man continued to be able to do this to him after all these years astounded him, but he didn’t have time to question it, nor did he want to.

 

“Just promise me one thing,” he unexpectedly said as he lined his cock up with Justin’s hole, his breath ragged and uneven as he forced himself to hold back for just one more second.

 

“Anything,” Justin said through gritted teeth, so close to the edge he didn’t know how much longer he could endure.  “Just spit it out!”

 

Brian grinned back at him with that lopsided smile as he pressed just the tip of his cock inside and heard Justin moan in frustration.  “Promise me you’ll still blow me each night after you finish your nightly breastfeeding.”

 

“Fuck you,” Justin retorted.  “Just get the hell ON with it!”   To emphasize his demand, he arched his back slightly off the bed and pulled Brian’s body down even deeper as he managed to drive his husband’s cock inside just a little more.  He uttered an intelligible grunt for emphasis as he heard Brian’s moan in response and felt his cock pulsing urgently.

 

“Good enough,” Brian quickly decided as he thrust deep inside, all the way in until they were skin to skin.  Each penetration of ringed muscle and bare, moist, hot flesh was met with another whimper from his husband as he stayed immobile for a few seconds, merely relishing the incredible feeling of making love to Justin without any restrictions.  They had been doing it now for a couple of years, but it never got old, only sweeter and stronger.  Brian figured they had had sex on every conceivable surface of both the loft and Britin by now, but he figured even if they only did it in bed for the rest of their lives, it would never get boring or predictable – not as long as he had this spitfire of a man as his lover. 

 

“Brian…” he heard the begging whimper from underneath him as he focused on Justin’s eyes boring into his; as if they could read each other’s minds, Brian nodded as Justin dropped his legs and promptly bent himself in half, bringing his folded legs up tight against his chest so Brian could deepen his penetration and slam into his prostate over and over again. 

 

“Fuck!” Justin cried out as Brian rammed into him repeatedly with increasing speed and urgency as the lube did its work and heated up their bodies that were quickly climbing toward indescribable heights of ecstasy.  Justin’s louder and louder moans as his body tensed up toward the point of no return reverberated throughout the cavern-like walls of the loft as Brian continued to thrust in and out and Justin’s body rocked violently in time with the movement.  He grasped Justin’s thighs tightly for leverage while in the throes of desire, knowing there would be distinct bruising marks on him tomorrow but unable to help it – his body was so inflamed at the moment by Justin’s touch, his caresses, his smell, his moans and his whimpering, it was as if he had no control over it as he continued to plunge inside the sweet, sweet body he knew so well.  He could hear himself grunting each time he pushed back in and he swooped down again to kiss Justin deeply, their tongues dueling in time with their fucking as finally, he sensed Justin grow rigid beneath him and heard a shout of release as he felt the hot, sticky cum shooting out all over his chest and belly as he, too, cried out loudly and did the same inside the hot, wet, tight cavern. 

 

He fell, spent and fully sated, on top of Justin’s slender body, knowing he couldn’t stay there for long but unable to move, both out of exhaustion and also a need to stay connected to his lover.  The unmistakable, strong scent of sex and sweat permeated the room as their hearts raced together in synchrony and Brian linked both of their hands together above Justin’s head as he rested his own head on Justin’s chest, listening to their heavy pants of breath that were the only sounds that could be heard at the moment. 

 

Finally, as he felt his own body start to withdraw from inside his lover’s, he reluctantly twisted to the side to remove himself from Justin’s embrace, hearing the soft sigh of disappointment escaping his husband’s perfect lips in response.  While they now lay side by side flat on their backs, he took their linked hands and brought them to his lips to kiss the sweaty, pale knuckles as Justin curled his fingers to tighten his grip. 

 

“That,” he stained to talk.  “Shit, Justin.  I’m not even sure I have the words,” Brian decided, wondering how a discussion over having a child in their home could be so fucking sexy and make him so horny but not giving a shit.  The only thing he knew was he hadn’t come that hard in a long time, and making love with his husband was incredible _every_ time.  This time, though, it had been absolutely mind-blowing.

 

“I know,” Justin managed to breathe out in between large exhales of oxygen.  “If… If this is how we celebrate bringing a child into our house, maybe we should be lifelong foster parents and adopt a whole _city_ full.”

 

Brian snorted softly as he turned his head to look into Justin’s bright blue eyes that were still dilated from desire.  “Let’s not get carried away… At least when it comes to having kids,” he clarified, silently thinking he wouldn’t mind getting carried like this _any_ day.  “But that was fucking unbelievable.” 

 

Justin flushed at the intense look he was getting as he smiled back at him.  “Yeah… It was,” he agreed softly.  He turned on his side to cradle one hand above Brian’s head and the other, now-freed one against Brian’s chest as he lightly stroked the glistening skin still sweaty from their exertion.  “God, I _love_ this bed!” he exclaimed with a wide grin as Brian smirked. 

 

“It _has_ seen a lot of action over the years,” Brian agreed solemnly, his lips curling under playfully as his eyes twinkled.  He had actually replaced the mattress set with a new one a few years ago once he and Justin had decided to be monogamous, doing it as a symbol of his commitment to him.  It had been more for Justin’s benefit than his, but he had to admit, it had been important to him, too, to show Justin that he was serious about being faithful to only him.  That commitment had partly been responsible today for the almost indescribable lovemaking session that had just been concluded, so it had been well worth every expensive penny he had had to expend to get it. 

 

He reached over to pull Justin into his arms as his hand slid around Justin’s sweat-soaked back.  “I love you, you twat; now get some sleep,” he murmured as he felt Justin snuggle deeper into his arms.  “Enjoy it; it might be a long time before you get any more of them.”

 

He heard Justin’s outtake of amusement and felt his breath ghost across his skin. “I love you, too,” Justin managed to whisper.  Shortly afterward, Brian heard the regular, deep breathing of his husband in slumber before he, too, felt his eyelids getting heavy and he succumbed as well, a soft smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep holding the man he loved. 


	12. Sunshine and the Sunbeams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin tells Brian some surprising news; Britin prepares for the arrival of some new occupants.

_Flashback - Six Months Ago – Kinnetik – Afternoon_

 

Justin slowed as he approached Brian’s office, trying to listen at the doorway to see if he could tell what mood his husband was in.  It might just mean the difference between Brian staring at him agape for several seconds as he slowly accepted the idea of raising twins, or pretending that he didn’t know Justin at all and telling him to get the hell out of his office.  One thing with Brian, though, you never really quite knew _what_ he would say to you, even after all these years, so he supposed he’d just better get it over with.  It wasn’t as if he could simply tell the hospital when the time came, “Never mind, we’ll only be taking one home, thank you,” and proceed from there.  No, they had agreed that while Daphne would always be a part of the child’s life, once she had fulfilled her part of the agreement and his child was born she would be absolved from further financial responsibility and could move on toward pursuing her medical career.  It wasn’t _her_ fault that there were going to be two of them to raise now, although a friendly warning about twins running in her family might have been prudent.  Then again, if Brian had known that was a possibility he might never have agreed to it in the first place.  He shook his head in exasperation, wondering how he got himself into these situations, as he slowly peeked his head through the open doorway to locate where his husband was.  A quick perusal didn’t find him at his normal position behind the massive glass and chrome desk. 

 

“Should I have Cynthia report a peeping Tom?” he heard Brian drawl from the other side of the room as Justin turned to see where he was.  Brian was sitting on the butter-colored leather sofa, examining some sort of paperwork and staring at Justin with an amused look on his face from under his rimless reading glasses.  His husband had been forced to start using them lately when he had to look over fine print for contracts.  Justin knew he hated the idea of having to surrender his vanity a little in lieu of being able to read the smaller text, but he actually thought it made Brian look sexy in an intellectual sort of way.  In fact, it often conjured up all sorts of fantasy role-playing possibilities in his mind at times, but he hadn’t acted upon them just yet.  With two babies on the way now, too, it didn’t appear they would have a lot of time coming up for just plain old fucking in the near future, let alone elaborate role-playing scenarios.   He pushed that unpleasant thought aside and concentrated instead, though, on the joy he knew he would experience when the babies were born.  As he stood there drinking in the sight of his handsome, hard-at-work husband, he fervently hoped that Brian would feel the same way. 

 

Justin stood up straight and stared over at Brian sheepishly.  “That won’t be necessary,” he reported with a smile as he walked into the spacious CEO suite and approached his husband, who curled his lips under in pleasure over Justin’s unexpected visit and held out his hand for him.  The two linked fingers together as Justin plopped down softly next to him on the couch; Brian’s paperwork was temporarily forgotten as he placed it down on the other side of him to share a deep, lingering kiss with him. 

 

It was several seconds before the two broke apart.  “This is a very nice surprise,” Brian murmured huskily as he gazed lovingly into the expressive blue eyes.  “I thought you were spending the day going over which of your art pieces to include in the upcoming show downtown.”  Justin had gotten so much publicity in his hometown lately that he was in the enviable position of several art gallery owners coming to _him_ to solicit his work, a fact that filled him with pride over his husband’s success.  Of course, it wasn’t much of a surprise to him; he knew all along how talented Justin was, but it was nice to see that many others finally realized that, too. 

 

“I did that earlier this morning.  Daphne wanted me to accompany her to the doctor’s office for her first sonogram today and I just dropped her off back at her apartment.” 

 

“Oh,” Brian exclaimed in comprehension.  “The first peek at the Taylor progeny.  So how big is his dick?”

 

Justin laughed in spite of himself.  “Bri-an!  You can’t measure that at this _stage_!  You can’t even tell the sex of the baby yet!  That comes later.”  Brian looked at him impishly and waggled his eyebrows, telling him that he knew that all along.  Brian liked to play dumb when it came to pregnancy details, but Justin knew he had actually been secretly reading up on the different stages of a woman’s pregnancy and knew a lot more than he let on.  Of course, he hadn’t told _him_ that; he had found that out from his husband’s recent search history on their computer at home that they mutually shared for business transactions and paying bills.  

 

“Well, no child of ours is going to come into this world with less than a 9-inch dick,” he declared with a gleam in his eye.  “Unless it’s a girl and then I might excuse that oversight.”

 

Justin rolled his eyes and shook his head.  He cleared his throat a little nervously, knowing it was now or never.  “There _is_ something, though, that they CAN find out from a sonogram at this early stage.” 

 

“And just what would that be, Doctor?” 

 

Justin reached over and took Brian’s hand in his.  “Brian…” he began tentatively.

 

Brian’s eyes narrowed; he knew that tone, and it normally meant some sort of _problem_.  “Justin, out with it,” he quietly commanded as he noticed his husband averting his eyes.  He reached up with his free hand and gently turned Justin’s face upward until their eyes met.  A sudden, terrible thought occurred to him; Justin hadn’t seemed upset about anything when he had first walked in, but… “Justin, is there something wrong with the baby?” he asked, surprised that the notion concerned him as much as it did.  He could attribute it to a fear about a biological child of the man he loved having some sort of physical problem because he knew how much that would affect Justin, but truthfully it wasn’t just that.  Ever since he had become accustomed to the idea of another child in his life – _Justin’s child –_ he had actually become comfortable, even happy about the idea.  Yes, it would be a major upheaval in their lives, and it would impact them in so many ways, but the notion of having a smaller version of Justin running around Britin calling them _Daddy_ wasn’t so bad anymore; in fact, he rather _liked_ the thought.  Had Justin and Daphne found out something today, though, during the sonogram?  They had never discussed the possibility of what might happen if the child had some sort of physical impairment.  Was that it?  If so, what would they do?  “Justin?” he pressed, when his husband remained silent.  “What did you find out? Is there some problem with the baby?” 

 

To his relief, Justin shook his head as Brian dropped his hand from his husband’s face and took a pale one in his.  “Fuck, Justin, you scared the shit out of me!  Well, if that’s not it, what IS it?” 

 

Justin took a deep breath.  “No, Brian, the baby’s fine.  They’re _both_ fine.” 

 

“That’s good,” Brian replied.  “Well, it doesn’t surprise ME – Daphne always ate better than you did.  She actually eats _normal_ food.”  He sighed.  “Justin, I don’t want to sound unsympathetic here, but I’m too busy today to play twenty questions; is that all you wanted to tell me?  Because I’m meeting with World Wide Import Group in two hours, and the boards are still for shit.”

 

Justin thought fleetingly of using that information to make an excuse to go and just wait to tell Brian later when he returned home, but he didn’t think that was fair.  He shook his head.  “No, you don’t understand.  When I said they were both fine, Brian, I didn’t mean the baby and Daphne.  I meant… The _babies_ were fine.”  He watched as Brian stared at him for a few seconds until the reality of what he said finally sunk in and his mouth hung open in shock. 

 

_“Babies?”_ he choked out.  “As in…?”

 

“Twins,” Justin whispered as he stared a little anxiously into Brian’s eyes, trying hard to figure out what his husband was thinking.  “Apparently twins run in Daphne’s family,” he advised with a grimace.  “She sort of forgot to bring that little detail up earlier.”

 

“ _Sort of forgot?   SORT OF FORGOT?”_ Brian pushed one hand through his hair in aggravation as he abruptly dropped Justin’s hand and stood up, Justin’s eyes gazing at him apprehensively.  He stood there for a few seconds with his back to him, letting this astounding piece of information sink in before he turned around to face Justin and echo, “She sort of forgot.  How can you _forget_ something like that, Justin?” 

 

Justin sighed; and Brian called HIM a drama queen.  “I’m sure she wasn’t deliberately withholding it from us, Brian!  She just didn’t think to mention it!  Come on, give her a break!  You _know_ she wouldn’t do that!” 

 

Brian stormed over to the office doorway and roughly slid the door shut; it bounced slightly on its track from the almost violent action as he spun around to face Justin, whose eyes widened in uneasiness.  _Shit,_ Brian thought regretfully as he internally berated himself.  He was definitely upset over this revelation, but the last thing he wanted to do was see that kind of look in Justin’s eyes.  His face softened as he lowered his voice to say, “Justin… TWO babies.  Double the diaper changes, double the food bill, double the strollers and double the cribs!  TWO babies that will need feeding round the clock, TWO babies that will need our constant attention…”

 

Justin rose form the couch to walk over to Brian and stand next to him.  He stared into his eyes hopefully as he added, “…Two babies to love and nurture, two babies to rock to sleep at night, two babies to call you Papa and look at you with undying love as only they can do, two babies to watch grow up…”  He bit his lip and smiled at Brian softly.  “Two little versions of the man you love to keep you company at night when their father has to be away on art business and you’re feeling his loss profoundly.”

 

Brian sighed.  “Justin…” he murmured, knowing he was fighting a losing battle.  What could they _do_?  They couldn’t separate them; they couldn’t take one over the other.  They were both a part of _Justin,_ the man he treasured and loved more than life itself.  How could he even consider giving that up?  He just wished that the situation might have been different; a single baby would have been a handful but manageable, and he had slowly gotten used to the idea.  But _two_? 

 

He shook his head as he reached out and curved his right hand around Justin’s cheek; he could see the blue eyes glimmering back at him in relief, because he knew that Justin realized from the look on his face that he was going to come out triumphant in this argument, just like he always did somehow.  “How are we going to handle _two_ babies, Justin?  Both of us are frequently away on business.  Sometimes we might _both_ be away at the same time.  What’s going to happen _then_?  Daphne can’t be tied down with that responsibility; we promised her she could continue her education after the baby… _Babies_ are born.  And Britin’s not exactly located near major childcare centers.”  In fact, Britin wasn’t located near pretty much _anything_.  Even their groceries had to be purchased several miles outside of town before they got home. 

 

He watched as Justin’s eyes lit up and he smiled one of his blinding, trademark smiles; even now that smile made his heart lurch in response.  “I’ve already thought about that!” he said excitedly.  “My mother has agreed to watch them whenever we need her; her schedule is flexible enough that she can work around any emergencies like that.  And by some rare fluke if she _isn’t_ available – like she has a closing or something – Debbie said she’d be thrilled to watch them.”

 

“Okay,” Brian replied.  “But what about if you need to paint, I’m at work and there’s two babies clambering for Daddy’s attention?  What are you going to do _then,_ Mr. Artiste?”

 

“I don’t normally have _that_ kind of urgency in my own schedule,” Justin told him and Brian knew that was correct.  One advantage of being an artist was that he didn’t work a set schedule.  He could go weeks painting every day in preparation for an important show, and then have several down days where he painted only if he wanted to.  That sort of flexible schedule would help him when the babies were born.  “I’m sure I can handle it, Brian,” he assured him.  “And if we need to, I’m sure we could find a part-time nanny to help us out.  I’ll pay for it if that happens,” he hastily added.  It had been hard enough to persuade Brian to have a child roaming Britin’s halls; the least he could do was reassure him that he wouldn’t incur additional costs by agreeing to his request. 

 

Brian gazed at his husband tenderly as he reached out and gently grasped his wrists.  His thumbs lightly stroked over Justin’s skin as he stated softly, “I’m not worried about that, Sunshine.  We have more than enough to cover a nanny several times over.  I just wasn’t sure you’d be willing to give up control over your… _OUR_ baby, uh, babies.”  He shook his head, still trying to come to terms with reality.  “Shit… _TWO_ of them,” he repeated in wonder.  “Two full-time pooping machines.” 

 

Justin huffed out a soft laugh.  Only Brian would call them that, even though that was going to be pretty accurate for quite a while.  “Maybe we should buy stock in Procter and Gamble before they’re born.”

 

Brian snorted.  “Maybe we _should_ ,” he replied.  He wrinkled his nose in distaste as he imagined pile after pile of shit – greenish-brown, runny shit, produced no doubt by the pureed peas and prunes they packed into those glass baby food jars.  He had had enough experience with Gus in the past to know how they loved to throw things repeatedly on the floor as well as spit up every bite of food you tried to coax down them.  And this time they wouldn’t have an endless supply of breast milk to feed them with, either, not unless Daphne was planning on providing on coming into town frequently to perform that service.  Which meant they would be spending a small fortune merely on baby formula. 

 

He glanced down at Justin who was studying him intently and sighed.  “Good thing we have an industrial strength washer and dryer at home.  I thought we’d only need it mainly to wash our bedding, not a boatload of soiled baby clothes and bibs.”  Was he ready for another go-round of this?  He had only been exposed to it part-time with his son; this was definitely going to be a full-time job for _both_ of them.  As he stared into Justin’s troubled eyes, though, his apprehension and doubts faded away.  Two versions of Justin, two more _Sunshines_ to enliven their home?  How could that be wrong?  He curved one side of his mouth up as he smiled down at him.  “We’d better increase our fucking schedule,” he cautioned, “to make up for a lack of it later.”  He was already mourning the day when that happened, but he was confident that he and Justin were ‘creative’ enough to compensate somehow. 

 

Justin’s face relaxed into a relieved expression.  “You made me promise to blow you after my nightly breastfeeding, remember?” 

 

Brian grinned.  “That’s right,” he warned.  “And there’d better be a LOT of milk coming out of your tits with TWO of them to feed.”

 

Justin laughed before Brian gave him that little-boy look with his lips curled under and his eyebrows raised that always made his heart melt.  _God help us,_ was Brian’s last thought as the two of them fell into each other’s arms for a deep kiss.

 

* * *

 

 

_Present Day – Allegheny Memorial Hospital, Pittsburgh_

 

Brian careened into the parking lot of the hospital on practically two wheels, the ‘Vette screaming a loud protest as he did so.  He barely waited for the car to stop in the nearest parking space before he jammed the gearshift into park and bounded quickly out of the vehicle.

 

“Damn Brown Athletics,” he groused, blaming their anal obsession over every little detail for him running late; he ran toward the front of the building, the same building he had rushed to that fateful night several years ago when his son Gus had been born.  The irony of racing back to the same facility to meet the newest additions of his and Justin’s family wasn’t lost on him.  He never in a million years thought he would ever wind up back here for the same reason – another child’s birth.  In fact, ever since that awful night of Justin’s prom, he had vowed never to return here at ALL.  Fuck, how things had changed.  At least _this_ time he was returning for a good reason, he thought, as he rushed into the front entrance and straight over to a cherry-wood, curved information desk.

 

“Daphne Chanders,” he growled to the administrative assistant.  “Maternity ward.”  The woman nodded, used to fathers acting out of sorts at times like these; she was about to look the information up on the computer screen when Brian heard a familiar voice calling his name.  He turned to see Jennifer frantically motioning to him from a nearby bank of elevators.  “Never mind,” he quickly said in dismissal as he rushed over to her. 

 

“Brian!  Over here!” Jennifer called out as she waved her arms.  She had agreed to come down and wait for Brian to arrive so she could take him immediately up to Daphne’s private birthing suite.  Justin was a basket case at the moment and she had decided to take one less burden off his shoulders by making sure her son-in-law found his way up to his side right away as soon as he arrived.

 

The two embraced briefly before Brian asked, “How is everyone?  I can’t believe I fucking missed the _births_!”  He had almost cancelled his trip to Chicago yesterday to meet with Leo Brown, but Justin had urged him to go, reminding him that Daphne’s due date wasn’t for another week.  Apparently, though, the babies had had _other_ ideas in mind.  Justin had excitedly called him a few hours ago to tell him Daphne had gone into labor, and he had immediately wrapped up the meeting and flew back out on his private company jet.  He couldn’t believe it when Justin had called again on the way from the airport to tell him that not only had Daphne gone into labor, she was about to give birth already!  Justin had had to quickly hang up the phone and since then, he hadn’t been able to reach him again.

 

“How are the babies and Daphne?” he asked anxiously.

 

Jennifer smiled as they entered the next available elevator car alone.  “They’re great!” she exclaimed, her eyes shining in excitement.  “Beautiful!  Wait until you see them!” 

 

“And Daphne?”

 

“She’s fine,” Jennifer replied firmly.  “Worn out, but happy – happy for you and Justin.”  Jennifer’s hands were gesturing enthusiastically as the words continue to bubble forth from her.  Now that she was officially a grandmother, she found that it didn’t scare her quite as much as she thought it would; in fact, she was overjoyed.  “You should see how much _hair_ they have!  And it’s blond, just like Justin’s!  And the eyes!  These beautiful, gorgeous blue eyes!  I had forgotten how tiny their toes and fingers are, too!”

 

Brian smiled at Jennifer’s display of excitement as the car slowly ascended up to the fifth-floor maternity level.  He was trying to stay low-key outwardly, but inside he was eager to see the new arrivals as well.  “Speaking of blond hair and blue eyes, how’s the new dad?”

 

Jennifer grinned.  “I think he’s the most excited of all; he’s strutting around like some proud peacock.” 

 

Brian smirked.  “Yeah, that fits,” he said.  “Well, let’s see how much he _struts_ after several days of around-the-clock feeding and pooping 24/7.” 

 

Jennifer smiled.  “I guess that _might_ wilt his feathers just a bit,” she agreed.  “Oh, I hope it’s okay, by the way, but I lent Emmett my key to your house so he could make sure the nursery was ready by tomorrow.”

 

Brian frowned.  “Tomorrow?  Didn’t Daphne just spit them out a little while ago?” 

 

Jennifer burst out laughing.  “Better not let _Daphne_ hear you say that!  She might have had an easier labor than most new mothers, but believe me, it wasn’t that easy!  As long as the babies are healthy, though, they don’t keep the mother and babies very long in the hospital at all.  There’s a good chance she’ll be discharged sometime tomorrow afternoon from what I heard.”

 

“Holy shit,” Brian muttered in amazement and shook his head as the elevator slowed to a stop.  In the back of his mind, he was kind of hoping that he and Justin would at least get in one congratulatory fuck alone before Baby Central started up, but it appeared that was not going to be the case.  He couldn’t believe how soon the hospital was letting them out.

 

As the elevator door opened and the two of them emerged, Brian winced as a shriek immediately filled the air.  “There he _is_!” Debbie cried out as she came rushing up to sweep Brian into a tight hug.  He grunted at the impact as she said, “Congratulations, Daddy!” 

 

Brian attempted to restore some oxygen into his body as Debbie finally pulled back and planted a red-lipsticked kiss on his cheek while she gripped her upper arms and beamed up at him.  “Thanks, Deb,” he deadpanned with a smile.  “What a surprise to see YOU here,” he said sarcastically. 

 

“I rushed over as soon as Jen told me Daphne was in labor.  You should see them, Brian!” she exclaimed as the three of them walked down the hallway toward Daphne’s suite.  “They are just fucking _adorable!_ ” she screeched.  “Two tiny little bundles of Sunshine!” 

 

Brian grinned as they neared Daphne’s room.  “Wouldn’t have it any other way,” he told them and he meant it; that was a large part of why he had agreed to Justin’s wish in the first place.  That, and the fact that it had made Justin happier than he had ever seen him, at least if you didn’t count their wedding day.

 

As they reached Daphne’s room, the two women instinctively held back in the visitor’s waiting room to allow Brian to enter the room alone; visitors were being kept to a minimum in the room while Daphne rested up after her ordeal.  Her room, decorated with muted shades of dusty rose and cream, looked to be more like a fancy hotel room.  There were tasteful, impressionist-type paintings on the walls depicting mothers and their newborn children and a pair of beige, sheer, lacy eyelet curtains covering the opposite, tall windows that allowed privacy but still permitted plenty of light to seep through.  A full-sized couch was pushed against the right wall, along with two square-shaped side tables with lamps that emitted a soft glow around the room rather than the typical harshness of a hospital environment. 

 

As he entered the room, Brian noted a large-sized, rolling-type crib set up next to the couch that was currently empty.  He immediately looked around for Justin, who was standing next to Daphne’s bed, gently rocking a pink-blanketed bundle in his arms as he looked down at his child with a soft smile on his face.  He must have heard Brian’s quiet footsteps just then, though, because he looked up as their eyes met from across the room.  A beaming smile lit up his face just then and Brian’s heart lurched in reaction.  “Hey,” he said softly.  He looked over at Daphne for a few moments and nodded at her with a smile.  “Hi, Daphne.” 

 

“Hi, Brian,” Daphne said with a weary smile as she looked over at her best friend’s husband; she was holding the other child in her arms while she was sitting in a recliner next to the hospital bed, but she knew Brian’s attention was concentrated upon Justin at the moment.  In fact, he couldn’t take his eyes off him and the baby he was holding.

 

“Hey,” Justin replied as he sighed in relief.  “I’m so glad you’re finally here.  Come and meet your new daughters.”

 

Brian walked over to Justin and took just a second to kiss him on the cheek as Justin slowly pulled back the fleece blanket from the child’s face to reveal a slightly splotchy, pale-skinned baby with its hands held up to either side of its face, its tiny fingers curled under to reveal the smallest of fingernails.  The child’s eyes were closed in slumber, but Brian didn’t have to see them to know they would be blue as a clear ocean, just like someone else’s.  And once the baby learned how to smile, he knew she would have one that would light up a room, too.  Wisps of slightly curly, flaxen blond hair poked out underneath a knitted pink cap perched on her head.  In her father’s arms she seemed content and serene, a picture that would no doubt change in the not-so-distant future.  But at the moment, it was a sight to behold as Brian’s heart melted at the picture of father and daughter.  “She’s beautiful, Sunshine,” he whispered in awe.  “Just like her father.” 

 

Justin blushed as he smiled over at him proudly.  “Thanks,” he whispered as he looked into Brian’s eyes, the love for his husband so obvious.  “Come and meet our _other_ daughter,” he urged Brian as the two of them walked around the bed to Daphne’s side. 

 

She smiled up at them and in an unintentional echo of a time not so long ago asked Brian, “Would you like to hold her?” 

 

Brian’s licked his lips a little nervously but nodded with a slight smile as she held the tiny bundle up toward him and he reached down to scoop the wisp of a child up into his arms.  The baby seemed like she weighed hardly anything at all as he gazed down at her. 

 

“Well, I can see a resemblance to you, Sunshine, but apparently she doesn’t have your appetite yet because she’s still a lightweight.  Give her time, though, and she’ll be chug-a-lugging the milk down like a true champ.” 

 

Daphne giggled as Justin mock-glared at him.  “She only weighs seven pounds, Brian; I would hardly call her chunky.” 

 

“I know – that’s what I said,” Brian countered.  “But let’s see how much she weighs when she gets her first physical at the pediatrician’s office in a few weeks.” 

 

Justin rolled his eyes good naturedly but couldn’t get upset; he was simply too awestruck by the feeling of holding this newborn baby – _his child_ – in his arms, and seeing Brian holding their other one.  _Two of them_.  Even now after he had had more than enough time for it to sink in, it was still hard to believe.  But as he felt the warmth of the slight body in his arms, and heard the soft coos and whimpers bubbling out from the small, rosebud-shaped lips, he knew it was true and it filled him with such completeness and joy that he thought he would burst from the emotions flowing through him. 

 

Brian smiled down at the sleeping infant in his arms and his face lit up as he cooed to her, “You are so beautiful, little Sunbeam.”  Both twins had a slightly darker complexion than Justin but still had the same honey-colored hair and the same pert nose and full lips, just like his.  Even the sculpted, seashell ears seemed the same.   Yes, they were created from the union of _two_ amazing people, but there could be no doubt that these incredible little ones were Justin’s children.  And _his_.  The thought all of a sudden filled him with both wonder and a surprising sense of contentment.  It was as if when he gazed into the innocent face sleeping so peacefully in his arms that all of life’s worries and dramas faded away.  It was both a scary as well as astounding feeling to know that this child – both these children – would be dependent upon him and Justin for several years to come, but oddly it didn’t terrify him or make him want to shrink away from the responsibility.  As he glanced over at Justin and received a tender smile in return, his heart skipped a beat and he knew everything would turn out just fine. 

 

Daphne’s eyes filled with tears at the look of complete joy on her friend’s face, as well as Brian’s.  The older man didn’t fool her for a second; she always knew what a softie he was, both when it came to Justin and to Gus, so the transformed, enchanted look on Brian’s face as he held one of Justin’s daughters didn’t surprise her in the least.  She was glad that she would be a part of both twins’ lives, but she was more than content to give up responsibility of raising them to Justin and Brian.  They had come a long way in their relationship and she had no doubt their union was a solid, formidable one, one that would last for a long, long time.  And she knew both of them would be awesome parents to these two little girls.

 

“Have you two decided on names yet?” she asked inquisitively.  She was dying to know what they had come up with; she just hoped that Brian hadn’t persuaded Justin to call them something weird.  One only knew WHAT Brian’s brain might conjure up, especially when he was in advertising mode. 

 

Justin looked over at Brian, who nodded.  He told his friend, “Yeah.  We’ve decided to go with both Irish names.  This is Kyla Brianna Taylor-Kinney,” he stated, gazing down tenderly at his daughter who was moving slightly in her sleep. “Kyla means _beauty that only poetry can capture._   And Brian’s holding Aveleen Siobhan Taylor-Kinney.  We thought we’d call her Ava.  Aveleen means _wished for child,_ ” he explained, his voice choking up with emotion over the thought of just how much both of these children were very much wished-for.    

 

Daphne smiled at her friend, her eyes glistening with tears.  She was so glad that she could help Justin fulfill one of his biggest wishes and she knew if those children wound up even half as beautiful on the inside as her friend was, the world would be richly blessed with their presence.  And the look on Brian’s face was amazing.  The man was completely mesmerized by the child being held in his arms; his face was free of worry and responsibility as he gazed down at the sleeping form bundled in pink.  Yes, Aveleen and Kyla would do all right; they would do _more_ than all right.  “I think those are wonderful names, Justin,” she assured her friend, who looked up from his daughter and smiled over at her.

 

“Thanks,” he said softly.  “For everything.” 

 

She smiled and nodded, so much said in those three little words.  The two of them had developed a deep bond of friendship from so long ago, and to be able to help Justin with one of his most desired wishes made her very happy. 

 

“How do you feel, Daphne?” Brian asked as he slowly rocked Aveleen in his arms as he swayed lightly from side to side.  “It must be a bitch pushing out _two_ of these.”

 

She laughed.  “If you only knew.”   She looked over at Justin who was unable to take his eyes off his other daughter and said, “But it was worth it.”  She and Brian shared a tender look amongst themselves – both thinking the same thing – as Brian nodded back at her in understanding.

 

Just then, Jennifer and Debbie walked in quietly to stand next to the trio.  “Aren’t they the most precious things you’ve ever seen?” Debbie asked with surprising quietness as she stood next to Justin and gently pulled back the blanket nestled around Kyla’s face to peer into the angelic countenance.  “You bring them by the house soon, you hear me?” she demanded softly, waggling one manicured, lacquered red fingernail at Justin.  “These are MY grandchildren, too.” 

 

“Yes, Ma’am,” he dutifully replied with a smile as he smiled over at his ‘real’ mother.  “We’ll bring them by in a few days after we’ve had a chance for them to get settled in.” 

 

“Yeah, I’ll send Sunshine over with them when I need some sleep,” Brian joked.  “Something tells me they’re just lulling us into a false sense of security.  As soon as we get them home, they’ll be crying and shitting 24/7.”

 

Justin smacked Brian briefly on the arm.  “Brian!  I’m sure they sleep a lot right after they’re born… Don’t they?” he asked hopefully, looking over at his mother.

 

Jennifer laughed.  “I hate to tell you this, _Dad_ , but Brian’s right.  They do sleep a lot, but until they get older, they’ll be waking up every few hours expecting to be held, fed and diapered.”  

 

Justin groaned.  “Every few hours?”

 

“I told you,” Brian reminded him.  “But no, you kept saying, but Brian, I want one!  I want one! Well, get ready, your days of getting your beauty sleep are officially over.”  He looked down at the baby in his arms and cooed softly, “Isn’t that right, Sunbeam?  Daddy’s going to be very busy burping, feeding, and diapering you and your sister for a long, long time…”  He observed the pained expression on Justin’s face and laughed.  “Be careful what you wish for, Sunshine…” he sing-songed. 

 

Justin had to smile, though, despite the thought of going only a few hours at a time before having to get up to take care of his children.  _His children_.  That had such a wonderful sound to it!  “I don’t care,” he stated as he stared down into Kyla’s face.  “It’s worth it,” he said firmly as he reached down to gently grasp one of the child’s tiny hands.  He was absolutely captivated by her perfect little fingernails and the soft coos and grunts she was emitting.  “It’s definitely worth it,” he repeated as he glanced over to Brian who smiled back at him. 

 

“Well, maybe this will help, Honey,” Jennifer told him as she walked over to hand him an envelope.  He managed to grab it as he held his daughter in his arms. 

 

“What’s this?” he asked, nodding his head at the white envelope.

 

“It’s a gift certificate from Debbie and me for six months’ live-out nanny service.  As soon as you call, they’ll arrange for a nanny to be there every day for five hours to help take care of the babies and give both of you a rest.  Plus Debbie and I expect regular sleepovers with them, too, you know, so we can show them off.” 

 

Justin smiled.  “That’s very thoughtful of you, Mom.  _Both_ of you,” he corrected as he reached over and gave Debbie a kiss on the cheek.  “But I’d kind of like to keep a close watch on them myself for a while.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Brian told the two women.  “That’ll grow old in a hurry once he’s up around the clock, watching something constantly going in one end and coming out the other.  We’ll definitely be taking you up on your offer, trust me.” 

 

He slowly walked over to stand next to Justin and peer over into his other daughter’s face.  He couldn’t help smiling down tenderly at the beautiful infant nestled in Justin’s arms, both girls a mirror image of each other.

 

“They look so peaceful right now,” Justin observed with a smile, his entire face lit up with fascination. 

 

Brian snorted softly.  “Don’t get used to it,” he quipped.  “This is the calm before the storm.” 

 

Justin rolled his eyes.  “Give it a rest, _Dad_ ,” he chided him.  “Even THEY’LL have to sleep sometime… I hope.”  He smirked at Brian.  “Let me hold Ava, too,” he asked. 

 

“Justin…”  He was afraid both babies would be too much for his smaller husband to handle at once.

 

“Please?”  He pleaded, those blue eyes working in the way Justin knew always got him what he wanted.  He moved Kyla into the crook of his right arm as Brian obligingly placed Ava in his left so he was holding both little girls.  Brian couldn’t help grinning fondly at his husband as Justin flashed him a bright smile in return, an obvious look of adoration on his face as he looked at one and then the other child.

 

“Stand right there,” Jennifer told him as she whipped out a small digital camera.  She hurriedly took a photo of the new dad holding both babies before looking at Brian and saying, “Brian, stand next to Justin so I can get both of you and the girls together.”

 

Brian walked over next to Justin and placed his arm around his back to lean in close; he disliked having his picture taken, but he figured this was going to happen with two doting grandmothers lurking around, so for them – and for Justin – he would tolerate it. 

 

“That’s great – hold it,” Jennifer told him as the two men flashed a smile at her and she snapped their picture.  A few more photos later of both fathers holding one or both of the babies, along with a photo including Daphne, and Jennifer was finally persuaded to put the camera away, promising to email them copies soon. 

 

Noticing Daphne was appearing to tire, the grandmothers excused themselves to head home, but not before wrangling a promise from the two men that they would bring Ava and Kyla around soon so they could see them.  Finally, Daphne, Justin, and Brian were left alone with the two new babies as the room fell silent.

 

Justin reluctantly placed Kyla gently down in the portable crib as Brian did the same with Ava.  Both girls were placed side-by-side with each other in the same oversized crib, the hospital being of the philosophy that newborn twins benefited from close physical proximity to each other.  Justin peered over the side of the crib like a child gazing at a much-desired Christmas toy as Brian watched him in amusement.

 

“You’re going to have to let them out of your sight at least for a little while, Sunshine,” he gently chided him as he walked up to place his arm back around Justin’s lower back.  He whispered in his ear, “Let’s go home and get in one last mind-blowing fuck for old time’s sake before all hell breaks loose.”

 

Daphne giggled as Justin huffed, “I doubt if it’ll be THAT bad, Brian.  They’re babies – how much trouble can they get into?” 

 

His husband snorted; was Justin deluded, or did he just not realize how much work babies _were_?  “Well, I’m not taking any chances.  Let’s let Daphne get some sleep and we’ll come back tomorrow to take them home, okay?”  Truthfully after flying straight back from his meeting in Chicago, he was pretty tired himself. He could only guess how exhausted he – and Justin – might be soon enough, and he had also missed Justin terribly while he had been gone.  Call him selfish, but he really wanted just a little time alone with him before the girls were brought home and understandably made a priority.  “Come on,” he urged him softly.  “They’ll be just fine.  We’ll be back again tomorrow.  Let them and Daphne get some rest.” 

 

Justin took one last lingering look at both girls before he nodded.  “Okay,” he agreed at last.  He walked over to the recliner and leaned down to give Daphne a kiss on the cheek.  “We’ll be back first thing in the morning,” he promised as she nodded.  “I can’t wait to take them home.” 

 

“We’ll be here,” Daphne teased as Brian gently slid his arm around Justin’s waist and pulled him toward the door.  Justin stole one more glance backward before he allowed Brian to lead him down the hallway.

 

“Fuck, Justin, if you’re _this_ hesitant to leave the girls’ sight, I can’t wait until they go out on dates!” he quipped as he actually noticed the beginning of tears in the beautiful blue eyes.  He shook his head in amusement.  _Sentimental twat_.  “You are so going to spoil those girls, Justin Taylor-Kinney,” he told his husband as he pulled him close to his body briefly for a tight squeeze before loosening his hold on him.  “Shit.  No fucks now for the next eighteen years – and we’ll never be leaving the house again.”

 

“Brian,” Justin laughed softly at the pained look on his husband’s face.  “I promise it won’t be that bad,” he said.  “Remember, I promised to ‘feed’ YOU every night after the _girls_ are fed.”  As they stopped in front of the elevators, alone thankfully, he reached up to brush some hair back from Brian’s forehead.  “Poor baby – I promise not to neglect you.  You’ll get plenty of attention, too.”  He looked around quickly to make sure no one was around – not that he really gave a flying fuck anyway – before he placed his hands on Brian’s upper arms and leaned up on his tiptoes to kiss the waiting lips.  Just as the kiss began to grow more urgent, the door chime rang as the elevator came to a stop on their floor and they reluctantly broke apart.

 

“Hold that thought, Sunshine,” Brian whispered huskily as the door opened and they entered the car; they nodded at an older couple and an orderly who were already in the car.  The gray-haired, slight man was sitting in a wheelchair, while the woman – who appeared to be his wife – was holding onto a helium _Get Well_ balloon in one hand and her husband’s hand with the other.  They were apparently about to be discharged as the group silently rode down together with them.

 

As they exited the hospital a few minutes later and headed out into the cool night air, the two took each other’s hands in the darkness and walked slowly toward Brian’s ‘Vette; Justin had ridden in earlier with his mother when he had learned that Brian was on his way home.  They stopped at the side by the driver’s door as Brian pushed Justin gently back against the car.  “I need one more to store up in reserves,” he told Justin; the two men stared into each other’s eyes under the light of a nearby security lamp before Brian smiled down at him lovingly and leaned down to kiss him deeply. 

 

A soft sigh escaped Justin’s lips as Brian gently flicked his tongue against his mouth for entrance and was granted quick permission to enter.  He wound his arms around Brian’s neck, relishing the softness of the hair at his husband’s nape and realizing how much he had missed Brian while he was gone, how much he had missed his touch, his smell, his voice.  Everything.  He was so grateful to have this man by his side; as much as he was looking forward to raising his two daughters, he would have never had the courage to do it without Brian’s love and support.  He would be thankful for that for the rest of his life.

 

Brian angled his head and cradled Justin’s head in his hands as he slowly rubbed his lips over the full mouth, his tongue swabbing the inside for a sweet taste of the man he loved and had missed terribly, even if he only been for a short time.  Their bodies pushed together automatically in a bid to get even closer, their hunger for each other palpable and insatiable.  Brian knew if they didn’t get in the car and leave right now he would have no problem initiating their first round of fucking right there by the car, but he forced himself to reluctantly break apart from Justin as he gazed down at his husband’s face.  “Let’s get out of here, Mr. Taylor-Kinney,” he murmured.  “You and I have some reacquainting to do before the newest members of our family arrive tomorrow.  Tonight, I’m not planning on sharing you with _anyone_.”

 

Justin reached up to give Brian a quick peck on the lips before he nodded.  Brian admired him as he walked toward the back of the car and shortly joined him in the ‘Vette.  A few minutes later, the car was on its way back home to West Virginia.

 

* * *

 

 

_One Hour Later – Upstairs Master Bathroom_

 

Justin slowly rubbed the expensive bar of French soap over Brian’s slick, tanned body, openly admiring how he kept himself in such great shape, even after all this time.  He was convinced Brian would always be gorgeous; he was going to be one of those men who actually got even more handsome over time.  He would never be what Justin would call ‘distinguished.’  The man was simply too sexy to be given that rather bland description. 

 

“I think that arm is pretty clean now, Sunshine,” he heard Brian say in amusement as he realized he had been soaping the same shoulder and arm over and over again; a veritable river of soap suds was slowly oozing its way down Brian’s arm and dropping onto the marble tile below as Justin blushed at being caught. 

 

“Sorry,” he said with a smile.  “I was just thinking.”  He began to slide the soap down Brian’s chest now, hearing a slight groan from his husband’s lips as he lingered a little longer than necessary over his right nipple while he swirled the bar over the dusky peak, fascinated by how it hardened almost instantly with his ministrations.

 

Brian placed one hand on the side of Justin’s face.  “Thinking about what?” he said with surprising gentleness.  “Whether you’ve bitten off more than you can chew?  You know I was kidding earlier, Justin; you’re going to be a great father to those girls.”

 

Justin smiled up at Brian gratefully as he continued to slide his hand over the slippery chest, working his way now over to the other nipple to lavish the same attention on it.  “No, you mean WE’RE going to be a great father.  I’ve already seen how you are with Gus.  I’m not the _only_ one who’s going to spoil them rotten.”  He continued to move the bar of soap lower now toward Brian’s flat stomach as he explained softly, “I wasn’t thinking about that, actually.  I was thinking… How lucky I am to have you as my husband, and to have your support.  You didn’t _have_ to agree to my raising children here at Britin.  I know you probably didn’t see that in our future, and I know what you’re giving up in return.”  He stopped his hand’s movement as he gazed up into Brian’s eyes.  “I just want you to know how much I love you for that.”

 

Brian reached down to gently grasp Justin’s wrist and still his downward movement.  “Justin, it wasn’t that big of a sacrifice,” he admitted.  “Don’t you understand by now that your happiness is what’s most important to me?  If this is what makes you happy, I’m fine with it.  I know they’ll be some big changes around here – hell, my life changed enough when Gus was born and he didn’t even live with me.  But our love for each other won’t change.  And I’ll love these children just as much as I love you, because they’re a part of _you_.  I feel…Honored that you want me to be a second father to them.”  Brian looked away slightly; he still felt a little uncomfortable baring his soul to Justin, even now, but he wasn’t about to lie to him.  Everything he was telling him was the truth. 

 

The hot shower water combined to mingle with the tears in Justin’s eyes as his heart soared in happiness.  He and Brian had come so far together since that fateful night several years ago; sometimes he couldn’t quite believe his luck that it had been him that Brian had sought out under that streetlight, but he would be forever grateful that he had.  “I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” he choked out as Brian smiled down at him tenderly before their bodies came together for a deep kiss.  Their desire for each other was evident in between their bodies as they both wrapped their arms around each other and continued to kiss, the rushing of the water overhead the only other sound heard besides their groans of pleasure over the sensations each was providing for the other.

 

Brian reached almost blindly to locate the shower knob as he turned it off while they continued to kiss.  As the water trickled and came to a stop, the two broke off reluctantly as Brian whispered, “Let’s take this to the bedroom, Sunshine.”  Justin nodded as he pushed the glass shower stall door open and emerged onto the heated floor of the master bathroom, reaching for a deep-red towel from the warming rack nearby.

 

He handed the towel to Brian as he reached for a second one, both taking turns gently drying each other off until they were merely damp. 

Taking Justin’s hand, the two walked out of the bathroom and into the adjoining luxurious bedroom.  It was a massive space, filled with dark oak walls and a monstrous, wood-burning fireplace in the center of the opposite wall.  Tall, floor-to-ceiling windows filled one of the other walls and overlooked the landscaped, manicured garden out back.  During the day, the windows provided a stream of bright sunlight through them as the sun began to rise in the sky, but at times like this, the full moon poking between the trees at night surrounding the estate provided a soft glow of moonlight.

 

The two men didn’t even bother, then, to turn on any artificial light to see as they walked into the room and embraced, Justin’s back to the bed as Brian slowly guided him over to the king-sized mattress.  They had opted to forgo a footboard for the bed, deciding it was too cumbersome and intrusive in the throes of passion since Brian often derived inordinate pleasure in pushing his husband back onto the bed in a sort of ‘caveman’ gesture.  Holding Justin in his arms, he leaned down to kiss him briefly but passionately before he smiled and slowly pushed him back to sit on the bed.  He admired the perfectly-shaped cock that was jutting out proudly begging for attention before he whispered, “Lie down on your back," he commanded softly. 

 

Justin flushed at the lust-filled look in Brian’s eyes – marveling at how this magnificent, gorgeous man could still do that to him even now – before he nodded and scooted back on the bed toward the head board.  He remained sitting up to admire Brian’s masculinity as his husband smiled sexily and began to crawl from the end of the bed toward his husband’s body.  Justin accommodatingly spread his legs apart as Brian approached him, his face reddening at the openly admiring look on Brian’s face as his eyes lowered to take in his cock, which was growing painfully harder by the second. 

 

Brian slowly crawled up Justin’s torso as the blond lay down to gaze up at the brunet staring intently into his eyes.  “I missed you,” Brian admitted softly.  “I _always_ miss you.”

 

Justin smiled as Brian brushed a few strands of blond hair back from Justin’s forehead as he lay on top of the slender frame.  “You were only gone for a night,” Justin pointed out, his breath hitching at the sensations Brian was creating in him.  He could feel his husband’s hard-on lying hot and leaking between their bodies. 

 

Brian began to nuzzle the side of Justin’s neck as Justin’s legs slid around to tangle themselves around Brian’s.  He sighed in contentment as Brian’s lips began to kiss his skin almost reverently.  Instead of being rough with him tonight, which Justin might have expected after they had been apart, apparently tonight was going to be one of those gentler nights.  That surprised him but didn’t disappoint him.  He never cared _how_ he and Brian made love; no matter what form it took, it was always special.  “Justin,” he heard his husband whisper in his ear.  “I love you.” 

 

His heart soared at the sentiment, expressed more often now but still rather rare in its declaration.  And two times in one night?  He wasn’t sure if his heart could handle it before it burst from happiness.  He sighed in pleasure as Brian’s hand began their journey on his body, lightly stroking his arms as they traveled up to his shoulders to cup his face.  Brian leaned his head back to stare into his eyes, his own eyes dark and expressive.  “You’re going to be an awesome father, Justin Taylor-Kinney,” he whispered with a tender smile.  “Those are going to be such fucking lucky kids.” 

 

Justin sniffled as he gazed up into Brian’s eyes.  “Yes, they will be,” he agreed as Brian gazed at him.  “Because they’ll have _both_ of us as fathers.”

 

Brian smiled in reaction.  “Did I tell you how much they look like you?   Jennifer told me they both have your blue eyes,” he said, leaning down to gently place a kiss on both eyelids as the golden lashes closed briefly.  “And your little button nose,” he teased, as he placed another gentle kiss on the perfectly-shaped nose.  “And your golden-colored hair,” he said as he twisted a strand of the soft hair around his finger to play with it briefly.  “I’ll bet they even have the same little bubble butt,” he added with a smile as Justin rolled his eyes at him.  He grinned.  “I’ll kiss that later,” he told him.  “But best of all – they have the same wonderful lips,” he added as his lips latched onto the generous mouth and his tongue slipped in between for a sweet taste.  They kissed deeply as their lower bodies slowly rocked against each other, a groan escaping Justin’s lips as the movement went straight to his cock. 

 

“Brian,” he practically begged as they finally broke apart.  “I need you inside me.  Please.” 

 

Brian gazed down into the dark-blue eyes that mirrored his own desire and nodded; he urgently needed that, too.  Twisting off his husband just long enough to reach over for a tube of quickly-heating lube by the side of the bed lying on the nightstand, he squeezed a generous dollop into his fingers before discarding it down onto the bed.  “Turn on your side, Justin,” he softly requested as Justin turned to face away from Brian as his husband reached over to gently part his ass cheeks and began to slide one oiled finger, then two, then three inside, Justin grunting and hissing a little in discomfort as they found their mark and stretched him in preparation.  He cried out in frustration as Brian hit his sweet spot briefly and he screamed out his husband’s name almost desperately.  “Please, Brian,” he outright begged now.  “Fuck me."

 

Brian reached out with his hand from where he lay behind Justin and gently rolled him over onto his back before he rose up on his knees and positioned himself between Justin’s legs.  Already the blond’s face was flushed and sweaty in anticipation of their union, his cock hard and purplish from lack of attention.  Brian’s own dick felt exactly the same and he knew neither of them could wait any longer.  His mouth curved upward at one corner tenderly as he centered himself at Justin’s entrance and the blond raised his legs up in anticipation of their familiar, sweet dance as he wrapped them around Brian’s torso and locked his ankles together firmly behind his waist. 

 

“Here’s to you, _Dad_ ,” Brian whispered as he pressed inside halfway, waiting for the familiar sound of Justin’s initial accommodation to his girth.  “You’ll always be the hottest-looking father to me,” Brian told him as he pushed in even more until they were skin to skin, belly to belly.  “So sexy,” he cooed as he slipped partway out and then rammed back in more forcefully.  “So fucking tight,” he marveled as Justin’s eyes widened with lust in response and he pulled back out again just a bit.  “Always so wet and ready just for me,” he marveled as his cock slid smoothly back in all the way.  His pace began to pick up as he held tightly onto Justin’s biceps, a grunt of pleasure and exertion escaping his dark-colored lips as he picked up the tempo.  He knew Justin could more than keep up with him as the two began to fuck in earnest now, Brian’s movements taking on more urgency but still smooth and sure as Justin’s hips rose off the bed in perfect synchrony.

 

“Brian, God,” Justin hissed out in pleasure, his voice barely coherent as he held on for dear life, his fingers digging into the strong muscles as he grasped onto Brian’s arms tightly.  His husband’s initial quiet, gentle lovemaking was quickly being transformed into something much more guttural and primal as Brian pushed him firmly into the bed with each down stroke before their bodies lifted up off the mattress and he pulled back out briefly, his lips nuzzling and kissing him everywhere they could reach:  shoulders, chest, neck, face.  Justin gasped as Brian’s teeth attached themselves to his right nipple and pulled at the peak before laving it with his tongue and traveling over to the other nipple, his hands roaming all over his upper body. 

 

Justin’s legs clenched around Brian’s back as he felt his orgasm start to take hold; he could feel Brian approaching the same point of no return as his body began to tighten as well.  Sensing he was near his climax and knowing he couldn’t hold off much longer, Brian reached down between them to wrap his long-fingered hand around Justin’s cock and began to slide it up and down, taking a brief moment to flick the slit with his thumb and then swirl the pad of his finger around the tip.  “God, so hot,” Brian murmured as he picked up the pace of his ministrations.  “Let go, Justin,” he urged his husband.  “Fucking give it to me,” he demanded as his body began to thrust in and out almost violently now. 

 

He heard Justin loudly cry out his name in a garbled, almost incoherent shout as he came, the white, milky stream shooting between them.  Brian pushed in one last time as he, too, felt his body tense up and he shot his seed into his lover, the hot liquid coating Justin’s insides as he felt the pulsing, frantic rhythm of both their bodies’ heartbeats pounding as one together.

 

He fell in a heap on top of his husband, drained, sweaty, and totally sated, his breaths ragged and heavy from the after effects.  Justin’s legs fell down beside him as his arms came up to slide around Brian’s slick back, lightly stroking the muscled flesh there.  They remained that way for a few minutes, still joined together and simply relishing in the feel of being in each other’s arms until Brian reluctantly felt his cock softening and he twisted off Justin’s lithe frame to lie beside him.  Propping his head up by one elbow, he turned to his side to stare at the sweaty, flushed, beautiful body of his husband.  He was still so slender despite what must have been thousands of cheeseburgers and chocolate milkshakes consumed by now, and his alabaster skin was still smooth and wrinkle-free.  He thought he could see just the merest hint of a few lines beginning to appear on Justin’s face now, but to him he was still the most gorgeous man he had ever met – and ever would. 

 

Still breathing a little heavily, Justin turned his body to face Brian, noticing the hint of a smile on his face and asked curiously, “What are you thinking about?”  He reached over to place his right hand on Brian’s chest, palm down, feeling the strong heartbeat there. 

 

Brian placed his left hand over Justin’s and lightly squeezed it before he answered, “Just thinking how amazing it is that you’ve been able to keep your girlish figure after having two babies,” he teased.

 

“Brian,” Justin whispered out his name in amusement.  “Are you ever going to stop with the new mother jokes?” 

 

“Does that mean no blowjobs after the nightly breastfeeding with the girls?”  He asked, curling his lips under as Justin’s heart did a somersault.

 

Tonight was no exception as he felt his face reddening at the look Brian was giving him.  “You know you don’t need to ask for one of those,” he whispered as he stared into Brian’s eyes and they locked gazes on each other.  As much as Justin loved it when he and Brian had sex, he absolutely prized these moments afterward as they lay in bed, talking about whatever came to mind.  Sometimes their conversations would be lighthearted and carefree, teasing and playful.  At other times, they would have serious discussions about their hopes and dreams, about what was bothering them or what was in store for their future.  It was their own private, special time, shared by no one else.  At least until now.  As he moved his hand away from Brian’s chest to reach out and gently brush some hair back from Brian’s eyes, he wondered how the decision to have children here at Britin would change that, and just briefly he found himself mourning the possible loss of these moments he cherished so much. 

 

Brian noticed with a frown how the beautiful blue eyes clouded over momentarily.  “Justin?” he asked softly, all seriousness now.  “What is it?  You’re not questioning whether you can handle this father business, are you?  Because I know that’s bullshit.”  Justin seemed to have been born with the ability to handle children – they flocked around him like a moth to a flame whenever he was near; his ability to be so young at heart and downright goofy at times was something that every child, including his own, immediately gravitated to.  Most strangers were greeted with fearful cries or looks of even terror when they tried to hold a baby who didn’t know them.  With Justin, he seemed to know instinctively just what to do to get them to calm down and implicitly trust him.  He had no doubts whatsoever that this man he loved so deeply was going to be a fantastic father. 

 

Justin stared into his eyes in the moonlight and shook his head.  “No, that’s not it, although the idea of being a father to two babies at once _is_ a little scary,” he admitted. 

 

Brian curled his hand around Justin’s shoulder – his soft, warm skin so familiar to him – as he lightly stroked his thumb back and forth in an up and down motion.  “Then what are you worried about?”  He could tell it was something; he knew this man like the back of his hand by now and Justin never was good at hiding his emotions, especially from him.

 

He watched as Justin struggled to say what was on his mind before he finally answered with a wistful smile, “It’s just that I’m wondering if we’ll be able to do this in the future with the babies coming home.”

 

Brian’s eyebrows rose.  “Well, now, I agreed to this deal, but NOT at the expense of going without sex, Mr. Taylor-Kinney.  That is NOT optional.  I was kidding before.” 

 

Justin laughed softly.  “No, Brian!  I don’t mean _that_!  I mean _this_ – lying here afterward in bed with you, just talking.  You don’t know how much I enjoy this – second only to the great sex, I mean,” he quipped; we’ll always find a time for that somehow,” he assured him with a smile.  “But I love lying in bed with you after we’ve made love, just talking quietly like this.  I don’t want to give that up, either.”

 

Justin slowly draped his leg over Brian’s as he snuggled closer to him and placed his head against Brian’s chest.  He listened in fascination to the sure, strong rhythm underneath as he heard Brian vow, “Then we won’t.”  He pulled Justin closer to him as he said, “It’ll be a little crazy around here for a little while. But it won’t always be that way.  We’ll make this work, Justin.  It’ll ALL work out, you’ll see.  Don’t forget, too, Jennifer’s arranged for a nanny to come in several hours a day; that’ll help, too.”  As he cradled Justin to him, he couldn’t believe how his life had changed.  Married and about to become the second father to a pair of newborn twin girls?  Not to forget caretaker to Woody, the cat that came and never left.  _Shit – who would have thought._   But he was truly happy – happier and more fulfilled than he had ever been.  Yes, it was partly due to his son – the child he thought he would never want and had grown to adore – but more than that, it was due to this incredible man who had come into his life like a whirlwind and had refused to let him go.  He would forever be grateful for that.   His feelings for Justin overflowed as he whispered, “You’re fucking incredible, you know that?  Don’t ever forget that, Justin.  We’re going to be just fine.”

 

Justin’s eyes teared over; Brian’s heartfelt declarations weren’t so unusual anymore, but they were still infrequent enough that his heart almost burst every time he heard Brian speak this way.  He saw his husband gift him with his trademark smirk over his reaction as he moved closer to Brian and the brunet pulled him even closer.  “I love you, Brian Kinney,” he whispered as his eyes slowly fluttered closed. 

 

Just before he drifted off to sleep, he smiled as he heard, “Right back at ya, Dad,” before sleep overtook both of them and they were soon adrift in each other’s arms.


	13. Epilogue:  Shower Me With Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian finds himself replaying a previous role, but does he like it this time as well?

  

_The Next Afternoon – Britin_

 

“Hang on a minute, let me get the door,” Brian told Justin as they pulled up in Justin’s SUV; there would have been no way to fit two babies, much less their identical , bulky car seats, into the ‘Vette, so it was fortunate that Justin had purchased a more ‘normal’ vehicle a couple of years ago.  Back then it was mainly so he could transport some of his larger works of art; who knew it would also be needed to carry a couple items of more precious cargo?  He glanced back at the two babies who appeared to be sound asleep and couldn’t help smiling.  Justin was sitting in between them in the backseat; he had insisted on riding in the back on the way home, afraid somehow that they might have fastened the contraptions incorrectly and one of the babies would fall out.  _I’ve got a mother hen for a husband_ , he thought fleetingly as he opened the driver’s side door and walked over to the front entrance of the house to unlock the massive wooden door and swing it open.  By the time he had returned to the SUV and opened the left back door, Justin had managed to unlatch Kyla’s car seat.  He reached down to grab the thick plastic handle of her carrier and carefully remove it from the car as Justin scooted out to take the baby’s carrier so Brian could walk around to retrieve Ava, who was still fast asleep in her own car seat.

 

As he unhooked her baby seat and reached in to pull her carrier out, the two men looked over at each other as Brian said, “I know they’re just pretending to be well-behaved.  Once they find out they’ve been sprung from the hospital, they’ll let loose with their vocal appreciation.”

 

Justin grinned as the two men slowly made their way up to the front door and entered their home.  He gave the air a sniff before saying, “They’ll probably need their diapers changed soon.”  Fortunately, the two men had made sure to have Emmett furnish the babies’ room with plenty of supplies, including several packages of disposable diapers, in preparation for their daughters’ arrival and Emmett had promised to make sure everything would be ready by the time they returned today.

 

Brian followed Justin down the hallway toward the stairs to ascend to the second floor nursery.  “I’ll leave that wonderful task for you, Sunshine,” he quipped gallantly as they began to walk up to the next floor.  “Did Emmett buy surgical gloves at the grocery, too?”

 

Justin laughed softly, not wanting to wake his daughters up just yet.  “Brian!  We’re just changing their soiled diapers, not performing an appendectomy!”  His eyes sparkled as he added, “Besides, I thought you _liked_ playing with someone’s ass.”

 

“Eww, Sunshine, that’s so wrong on so many levels; besides, you know there’s only one ass I enjoy _playing with_ , and something tells me my playtime may be severely limited in that area for a while.”

 

As they reached the next floor, Justin paused for a moment to flash a smile at his husband.  “Well, that’ll just make it all that much more meaningful when you _do_ get the chance.” 

 

“Meaningful isn’t the word I was thinking of,” Brian said in such a sexy tone of voice that Justin blushed.  “But I guarantee you it’ll certainly be _memorable_.”  He curled his lips under and grinned as the two walked down the hallway toward the room set up as their daughters’ new nursery.  Both men had decided not to look at the completed nursery ahead of time, both because they wanted to be surprised and frankly because they had spent much of the night becoming ‘reacquainted’ with each other before they returned to the hospital to pick up the girls that they hadn’t made it a priority.  Besides, Justin – and yes, Brian, too – trusted Emmett to follow through with the preparations, so they weren’t worried about it.  Neither man had gotten much sleep last night, but they figured that would serve to prepare them for several _more_ fitful nights in the future; at least last night’s lack of sleep, though, had been by choice and had been quite pleasurable.

 

They slowed as they neared the nursery and Brian gently nudged the partially-ajar door with his foot to slowly swing it open and reveal the formerly dull, masculine room that was now the bright new home for their daughters.  He heard Justin gasp in delight behind him as he got his first view of the new nursery.

 

“Oh, my God!” Justin exclaimed softly in astonishment as they walked into the room awash with sunlight streaming in through the tall, expansive windows.  “It’s so… So….”  Justin was speechless. 

 

Brian winced as his eyes swept around the room and he took in all the pastel lilacs and greens, along with the gossamer butterflies and flowers on the wall.  It wasn’t quite as over the top as he had feared, considering they had entrusted their flamboyant, flashy friend with the job, but it would definitely not be mistaken for a man cave, either.  “Frilly?” he supplied.  “Prissy?  Frou frou?” 

 

Justin laughed softly as Brian struggled to properly describe it.  “I was thinking beautiful,” he responded, his eyes lit up as he scanned the room to take it all in.  He had to hand it to Em – he had made excellent use of every nook and cranny of the majestic room and had transformed it form a stuffy, Victorian-type obsolete living space into a comfortable, inviting nursery.  His eyes lingered on the double glider-rockers as he envisioned nights where both he and Brian would sit together facing each other, gently rocking their daughters to sleep after feeding them or reading to them.  As he scrutinized the rest of the room and smiled in delight, he noticed the open, fully-furnished closet.  Carefully setting the baby carrier down on a plush, mint-green oval throw rug, he walked over to examine it more closely.  His eyes immediately focused on two identical outfits – one bright orange, one deep, royal purple.  They were almost like ballerina outfits, complete with pleated, tulle-fabric skirts and lacy, ruffled panties; they were adorned with sparkly sequins all over and reminded Justin of the shiny, attention-grabbing outfits Em liked to wear when he went clubbing at Babylon or one of the other dance clubs.

 

Justin heard Brian walk up quietly behind him as he glanced over to see both babies lying side by side in their carriers.  He watched as Brian’s brow furrowed in dismay before he reached over and picked up a tag attached to one of the outfits to read it.  Justin peered around his shoulder as he read, _Sorry, couldn’t help it.  Congratulations!  Auntie Em_. 

 

“No fucking way are MY daughters wearing those atrocious fashion statements,” Brian growled as Justin laughed.  “They’d look like two neon lights.” 

 

“At least we’d save on electricity,” Justin helpfully supplied as Brian glared at him and he shrugged.  The look on Brian’s face was priceless, though, at the thought of them showing their newborns off in those outfits in public, but his heart positively took a leap at Brian’s statement about the two girls being ‘his’ daughters.  He was thrilled that Brian thought of them that way already.  “Well, we’ll at least have to let them wear them here at the house when Em comes to visit or he’d have his feelings hurt.” 

 

Brian shook his head, knowing he was resigned to doing just that; truthfully, he was grateful for all of Emmett’s hard work making sure the nursery was ready, and as much as he fucking hated to admit it, he thought of Emmett as a friend, too, and didn’t want to hurt his feelings, either – even if the man _didn’t_ have good taste.  “I don’t suppose they’re too small for them already,” he suggested, grasping at straws.

 

Justin grinned as he peeked at the inside clothing label, noting it read _Newborn – 3 to 6 months_.  “No such luck,” he reported as Brian scowled.  He grasped Brian’s arm.  “Come on, Dad, the girls won’t know the difference and it’ll make Emmett really happy. He went through a lot of work to get this ready so quickly, so it’s the least we can do.”  He beamed as he looked around the room, admiring all the small touches Emmett had put into the nursery’s design.  “He really did do a great job, didn’t he?” he asked.  “It’s perfect.” 

 

Brian looked into Justin’s face that was aglow with happiness and he couldn’t help being affected by it.  “Yeah,” he softly agreed as he looked into his husband’s eyes.  “Perfect.”  Justin blushed as he placed his arms around Brian’s waist and the two kissed. 

 

They broke apart as one baby, and then the second, began to emit tiny, miniature cries as they began to awake.  “Told you,” Brian joked as he turned to observe both infants moving their petite little legs and their faces turning red as they scrunched them up like two wrinkled prunes.  “That didn’t take long at all.  Right on cue.”  

 

The two men smiled at each other as they walked back over to pick up the two carriers.  A few seconds later, they had both babies cradled in their arms as each man cooed softly to a child to soothe them.  “Can you take Kyla, too, and I’ll go down and fix them each a bottle?”

 

Brian nodded as Justin carefully placed the other baby in Brian’s left arm as he balanced the other child in the crook of his other arm.  “As long as I don’t have to change diapers – I’ll leave that pleasure up to you.  Hurry – use the microwave just in case.”

 

Justin laughed as he turned to quickly exit the room.  A few minutes later, he returned with two warmed baby bottles, surprised to not hear any crying coming from the room anymore; he would have expected both girls to be quite vocal by now as they waited to be fed.  As he quietly arrived at the doorway, however, he stopped in astonishment, his heart melting at the sight of Brian sitting in one of the glider rockers, softly whispering words of endearment to both babies as he gently rocked them in his arms back and forth.  The look on his face was almost indescribable as he tenderly spoke to both babies whose blue eyes were staring up at him in fascination. Justin noticed too, with amusement that Woody had managed to ingratiate himself into the room as he lay near Brian, licking his paws like he owned the place now.

 

“Your Daddy and I are going to take really good care of you,” his husband was telling them in his velvety voice.  “I just have to figure out how to tell you two Sunbeams apart.”  Brian heard a quiet movement as he looked up and curled his lips under sheepishly, realizing he had been caught actually cooing to the babies.  The look of pleasure on Justin’s face, though, swept any awkwardness away as his husband walked into the room to hand one of the bottles to him.  “Want me to take one of them?”

 

Brian nodded as he carefully lifted Ava up for Justin to take into his arms.  As he sat down in the opposite glider facing Brian and they both began to feed their babies, he realized his vision was coming true and his heart skipped a beat.  He sighed in contentment. 

 

Brian asked softly, “You okay?”

 

Justin smiled.  “Yeah… I’m _more_ than okay.” 

 

Brian nodded as he looked down and smiled at the child in his arms.  Yes, life was good – _very_ good.

* * *

  

_I hope you enjoyed this story; I would love to hear your comments!  Thanks for reading.:)_


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